The BLINDSIDES

Don’t beat yourself up, it is just so hard to have to time when you can and cannot say something out of frustration! I never really know what triggers these outburst although after they happen and I have time to settle my nerves I will usually realize what happened…it is so sad to have lost our “in sinc” life.

Just remember you have spent (learned) your entire life how to talk with people and now you have to learn to respond and act completely different. That takes an enormous amount of time if at all so please don't be so hard on yourself. Be patient, find time for yourself and love every moment you have together.

So true about the use of the term 'mild', as it is anything but.
The scary part is, it's mild compared to what it is going to be.
The fact that you are even still having conversations is a cause for celebration. I miss having actual, intelligent discussions with my husband.
Let's all forgive ourselves for losing our tempers, shall we?
All the best, and happy St. Patrick's Day to you! ☘️🍀

Oh, my gosh! Do I remember those. It was like “uffdah”. I finally made a “rule” that any conversation that required cognitive ability after 4:00pm would be tabled til the next morning. My husband agreed to this and when something would arise, I would ask what time is it. If it was after 4:00 he would say, “ah, yes”. It was the only way I could avoid a stupid, pointless non winnable arguments over really stupid subjects.

@nmrcdigman excellent advice! Now for the programming part. 70 years is a lot of conversational habits to change… but I can do this! Thank you so much!

@judimahoney I think about the future often; but I am working hard on not ruminating!

@japlok this is so true and great advice. Also, I have to remember to keep information back until it is a known fact or upcoming event otherwise he can obsess and ask relentless and repeating questions about something that might not ever happen. I get enough pointless questions about anything and everything that pops into his mind. It’s exhausting! “I’m not sure “, “I would have to look that up” and “I don’t know” are frequent phrases that I use to try to end the constant questioning over senseless topics.

@mm180 I feel so much like you expressed, all of the time. I think these “early” stages have such a psychological impact on us. I spend so much time on guard and deflecting. He is trying so hard to hang on to normalcy and wants to be in charge, that it is affecting me. I have learned to put stuff on the calendar, just to be sure he knows I won’t be available. At this point he accepts those things and I get peace, at least for an hour or so.

My husband is at the tail end of moderate dementia. We left MCI early last year. He can no longer have a conversation that involves an exchange of ideas. He can only make simple requests like "more milk" if he can remember the noun milk. Sometimes he just points to the cup. He is at the point where he cannot remember the names of things or places, basically all nouns. Visual clues are very helpful at this point. At this stage I only give him as much information as he needs to know and keep requests simple. He sleeps most of the day, except to get up for a late breakfast and then again for dinner. If say dinner's ready, let's go eat, he will respond that he's not hungry. But if I ask him to please sit at side of the bed and extend my hand,( visual clue), he does that. I give him a quick back rub and a kiss and then say come with me into the kitchen. Sometimes he asks me why so I say because I have something for you there that I think you will like. I don't tell him it's his breakfast because he will say he's not hungry. Once he is in the kitchen the table with the food on it gives him a visual clue to what is happening. He always sits down on his own and will eat what he sees in front of him. He cannot process more than one or two sentences at a time and I have to wait in between sentences to see if he has grasped what was just said. I think that cognition in dementia patients is diminished in the late afternoon and evening. Their brains have been working hard all day and are so tired that some experience what is called "sundowning" I have learned so much about dementia and how we can positively care for our loved ones (and ourselves) by recognizing what abilities they still have and working with those skills instead of trying to get them to do something that they are no longer capable of doing because of their brain failure. I highly recommend Teepa Snow's Positive Approach to Care. She has on line online courses that you can take that will teach you so much about the various types of dementia and more importantly for caregivers, what the various stages are. With that knowledge you can have a plan and know what to expect in the future. I compare what we caregivers are experiencing to getting on a plane thinking you are going to Hawaii and then you get there and you have just landed in the Greenland. It would be very helpful to have an itinerary and visitors guide when you landed to show you that even though you are not where you wanted to be, there are still things to do and enjoy in this different place.

@ocdogmom excellent perspective, thank you. This disease is just awful…