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amberpep
@amberpep

Posts: 610
Joined: Jul 02, 2012

The Black Cloud

Posted by @amberpep, Jan 22, 2017

I haven’t been around too much lately …. I’ve really been extremely depressed, to the point where I have not gotten dressed for 3 days. Brief background for those who have forgotten ….. I’m 72, lived in MD for 30+ years; divorced after a marriage of 40 years – 3 grown children, 2 of whom live where I am now (VA) with their families. I have an apartment I cannot afford and am praying to get a low-income apt. within the next few months. It took me 5 long years to decide to move here …. all the while my 2 kids were really wanting me to be closer. I had a condo in MD which I loved, had all my support systems there …. church, friends, neighbors, doctors, etc. But, finally I relented and I’ve been here now for 16 months. I have tried and tried to like it, and feel at home, but I don’t. I do love being with my kids, but that is not often as they have their lives too. I drive up to MD every 2 weeks to see my therapist and every 3 months to see my Psychiatrist. I cannot find a church even close to mine, people are very “clannish” in this area, and my finances are flat out this month. I am renting out my condo in MD, but since I pay the HoA fee, I make all of $6.00 on it. I try to convince myself, and everyone around me, that I am happy here, and want to stay, but it’s all a coverup. My kids don’t understand anything about Bipolar II (somewhat milder form than Bipolar I), and anytime I try to talk to them, they change the subject. They don’t want to hear it … not sure if it’s denial or fear on their part. I feel as though I am in a deep dark hole, with a black wet blanket over me, calling for someone to come and help get me out, but no one does. I liken this to yanking an old tree out of the ground and replanting it in a foreign country ….. it may thrive, then again it may not.
Abby

Liked by Mattiemae

REPLY

Thank you mattiemae … I thought I’d been forgotten.
Abby

Interesting post! I say that because our son is asking us to do the same thing. He lives alone but has a busy schedule which includes friends acquired over the past ten or so years. And is 300 miles away in a large metro area. We live in a small town with a significantly lower cost of living. Finances will be tight even in a senior community

Down sizing is very depressing especially leaving a larger home for 25 to 30% smaller area apartment. Leaving supports for unknown. Your description of a “Black Cloud” covers our thoughts. We are seniors in our late seventies to mid eighties.

@ppd31

Interesting post! I say that because our son is asking us to do the same thing. He lives alone but has a busy schedule which includes friends acquired over the past ten or so years. And is 300 miles away in a large metro area. We live in a small town with a significantly lower cost of living. Finances will be tight even in a senior community

Down sizing is very depressing especially leaving a larger home for 25 to 30% smaller area apartment. Leaving supports for unknown. Your description of a “Black Cloud” covers our thoughts. We are seniors in our late seventies to mid eighties.

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Thank you so much for writing … yes, it’s been very hard for me to move down here. Truth be known, I’d rather be back in my cozy condo in MD. Everything was there that was part of my support system. I love my girls, who both live in this area, and I love being with them, so it sounds hard-nosed to say I wish I were back in my condo in MD. This probably sounds strange, but when our parents were getting older, we (my then husband and I) went to them to visit, or help them. My Dad has Alzheimers and I went up every weekend – a 5 hour drive – to see that he was taken care of well. That’s just what younger folks did back then. Seems the tables have turned and now we have to go to them …. no matter how difficult the transition. Then throw the cyclothymia into the mix, and it makes for a very sad, unhappy, life. They don’t want to hear it. I’m sorry I’m so gloomy, but do think this over carefully ….. whether you really want to make that change or if you feel you’re being pressured into it. Bless you my friend and please keep in touch.
Abby

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