Share this:
roxie43

Suicide Is Not The Solution..........

Posted by @roxie43 in Brain & Nervous System, Dec 8, 2011

In 2 years, two wonderful people that I cared for ended their lives. Both were very depressed, hopeless and tired of living life in so much pain. On the news last evening, there was a report of 2 high school teens that also ended their lives within 30 days of each other, attended the same school and were victims of bullying. When I heard the story, I felt for them, for their loved ones, it broke my heart. I know what it's like to feel so hopeless as if I was constantly surrounded by darkness with no sunshine nor light in sight. I also know what it's like to simply want to go to sleep and never wake up. The two teens that ended their lives did so because of others actions but also because the were suffering in silence. Adults are bullied as well and it is so hurtful when one feels like one deserves the maltreatment or is not worthy of being treated with a little dignity and respect. Although, I know how if feels to want to give up, everytime I hear that someone ended their lives it is a sobering reality that living with an illness can be very debilitating, especially, if a person is not receiving good treatment, has not seeked treatment and/or the treatment does not appear to be making a difference.
Suicide is permanent. When one of my dear friends ended her life I was in total disbelief. She was such a special woman, who had so many talents, a huge heart, had a great sense of humor, was great with everyone but when the love of her life divorced her because living with her and her illness became a burden, she became lost, withdrawn and so heart broken. To this day, I love and miss her. Although she felt so alone in this big world, she had so many people who respected and loved her but she could not see this because she was so ill. I often feel guilty because we spent a great deal of time together just as I do with my other friend who took his own life 3 months ago. He was the kindest person who would do anything for anyone and was ever so gentle.
Suicide is such a severe and profound act as the result of relentless pain and suffering. After losing two wonderful people and witnessing how devasted friends and family were as a result I have still contemplated wanting to sleep forever. However, I am constantly reminded of the impact it will have on loved ones and I guess this is why I decided to fight with conviction because today I am hopeful that life has to get better for me.
When we don't feel good about ourselves, we are often blinded to all the good things and good people that surround us. We question our own worth and we feel like we would be doing others and ourselves a favor if we simply vanished.
The truth is that life is not perfect for anyone. Living takes hard work but the hard work is worth it. It may not all feel this way but living and giving ourselves a chance is worth it. Our illnesses can compound the imperfections of living but we have to believe in ourselves so much more than we do and constantly remind ourselves that we have to begin with loving ourselves even if we look in the mirror and don't like the person looking back.
Suicide is not the solution. We have so much living to do. We have people to love and inspire with our strengths. We have illnesses that are treatable but we have to be an active partner in the success of our recovery. Recovery is possible. I see it everyday, we all do. Just look at the vets coming back to US soil with missing limbs and PTSD who fight just as hard as they have done in war to continue living and making a difference.
I genuinely believe we are all special and unique despite our challenges. Just think of how much you have to offer others if you participate, actively and with consistent conviction, wholeheartedly and with a purpose in your own recovery.
For a few months now, I have questioned my own mortality and I am so thankful, today, that I have so many reasons to stick around. I saw a 1 minute video on youtube yesterday and it's title was "If I had one minute to live I would". The message was brief but the impact will last forever because the person simply focused on the simple pleasures of life; flowers, the blue sky, mountains, sunsets, accepting love etc. It was a powerful illustration and helped me come to the realization that I need to appreciate so many things in my life that perhaps I lost focus on or became so entrenched in the materialistic part of living that I someone forgot how beautiful life is.
Please continue to hang in there, love yourself, explore what makes you feel good, be proud of who you are at all times and dedicate yourself to living a good life. You are worthy, you are special, you have a lot to offer (just think of all the knowledge you have in such an important healthcare field) and give back even if it is listening to someone who simply needs a non-judgemental ear.
Happy Holidays & To a Much Brighter New Year,
In Solidarity

Tags: mental health, healthy living, bullying, preventive medicine, lung conditions, wellness, mens health, womens health, Cancer, eye conditions, kidney conditions, Infectious Disease, Skin Conditions, sleep problems, sports medicine, transplants, Scholarship contest, pregnancy, hope

JoeCinMA, China, Nettie and 2 others like this
deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Dec 13, 2011

suicide is often perceived as one's last ditch effort to have control. when people have so much pain mental or physical, it's difficult for them to see anything beyond their pain. it is this limited ability to see a whole picture. they zoom into one spec of a horrible reality that has them in its grip, pain. if only they could ask the question, am i really making this decision or is the pain making it. the answer, of course, is the pain is controlling their life and it is the pain that controls their death. so really, this choice their making, is not theirs, they are driven and controlled by extreme pain, whether emotional or disease-based. choosing a therapist is controlling one's life and making a life altering choice. to make the picture bigger, it's necessary to be able to go past the pain long enough to make a decision based on enhancing and affirming life, making changes like adapting to a life with therapeutic sessions. these could be physical or emotional/psychological. bringing differrent exercises into one's life, different activities, different people, different organizations, outreach groups, etc......
,

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Dec 13, 2011

I agree, when one has so much pain it is very difficult to see anything beyond the pain. Therapist are helpful as are medications and the other elements you mentioned in your post. Another point that is important to consider is the issue of control during a time when a person may feel like he or she has no control over what may be causing so many stressors. I am not too convinced about the control but it may be the case for some. Personally, one becomes tired if the pain feels relentless but people, places, things, like often used in the recovery world from substances can also be helpful in the mental health field and more often than not there is some type of pathology present when one is using. Thank you for responding and being so insightful. I am no expert on this topic by no means and welcome any feedback. I simply speak from loss and being able to see beyond my own mortality to a place that seems so promissing. It's truly refreshing when one is surrounded by so much darkness and then one feels hopeful about living again. Simple things mean more, as they should, but were perhaps taken for granted. I hope that no matter how difficult the pain becomes that readers simply know that they are not alone. I often hear people say oh work is hard, relationships are difficult, school is so demanding and so forth. The truth is that life and living can be challenging with bumps and roads that seem never ending or problems that often feel endless but we are worth every effort to continue existing and I pray that people begin to feel increasingly comfortable expressing themselves and confronting their pain because it does get better. I love the different people comment because that is my new year's resolution. I promised myself that in 2012 if you cannot uplift my spirit I must disengage..............
Best

Roxie43 likes this
deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Dec 14, 2011

if i'm not feeling particularly strong, then i too would disengage from a cynical sort.
however, if i'm in mode ' i am who i am and what you say and do is not me', then it doesn't matter if i'm near them or with them. sometimes, i find, i wake up and my day from that moment on is terrific, in the sense that anything negative rolls off me like water off a duck. another day, from the get-go, it's an uphill battle and i have to consciously make choices about whom i will bring into my day or let in and choose, as well, healthy food and beautiful natural sites. when i make these choices on those amotivational days, i elevate my hormones and set myself up for a very strong next day/week/month, whatever. life, for all, has its ups and downs and when it's up, choices seem to be automatic and negativity isn't read into conversations and actions. When my sensitivity is more positive,
abstracting beauty, goodness, and humor from people's words and actions, draws in the light. attitude is the most important word, one's approach, one's way, one's view. a broken egg can be seen as one big mess or it can be interpreted as, oops, i'm not in the moment. so it can be a kickstart to get into the present and be responsible for a very well-lived joyous day. merry xmas, Roxie43

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Dec 14, 2011

I love your strength Delia and positivity. I'm in mode, as you say, today and thinking of all those gone too soon. Life can be so beautiful and faith that we all can live happily and at peace is so important.
Question: what are your thoughts on the bullycide issue? My heart breaks whenever I hear the news and another young person took their life because he/she was being bullied. On the news right as I type about the 2 youths who ended their lives recently.......gives me chills. Two Enfield, CT, highschool students within 30 days apart. As adults, we have different coping strategies but as a teenager who is still developing, how can we be more supportive?
Have a great holiday season Delia and I look forward to your wonderful insight into such an often taboo topic.

Roxie43 and Roxie43 like this
deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Dec 16, 2011

this is a very complex issue. one question i will put forth is, we were all teen-agers once and most of us, i would imagine were not bullied, i know i was not. however, minus such a catalyst, i still suffered angst of growing up, as did everyone else. even if we came from a happy family and went home everyday to one, there was something within a teen's heart that found life in itself lonely and painful. and there is the feeling that dominates even if friends are present. there is a search for something and a teen really doesn't know what this is and feels this deep despair about it quite frequently. so the question is, can it be one factor/dimension of a person's reality that blurs all meaning to life? everyone is different on the sensitivity level. in the holocaust, there were prisoners who helped prisoners. the ones who were helping knew too that they would probably die and yet, they chose to show compassion and be who they were in spite of the gnawing pain and extreme fear. knowledge of what life is all about increases as one ages, one realizes that they make the choices that make the life what it is and happiness and friendships are not givens. these must be contributed to and the more invested in those pots, the greater the return.these prisoners certainly weren't going to get any material reward for showing sympathy and warmth but it must have made them feel human and somewhat empowered that they could still use this force of love even under these circumstances. they were stripped of everything but they proved to themselves and showed a great example to the others that they still had the greatest power, that of love. when a teen, it's really a one-way street because of the lack of experience and the rush to fully comprehend. yes, at any age, there is misery and suffering in the world created by man himself and yet on the other hand there is kindness, charity, understanding and love created by man himself. the choice is which side will we pick. how will we create ourselves, thus is the joy of creating your own heart. i would say to all teens, discuss your feelings with your parents, it couldn't hurt more than you are hurting so what do you have to lose. allow your parents to share their wisdom about life with you. you're a teen, you're not an adult, use the adult's knowledge to add to your strength, that's why there are wonderful teachers and counselors in schools to talk to. to parents, i would say, have you had a laugh with your child today, this week. help your child to decrease his/her anxiety and enjoy your child. do something once a week for the mere purpose of simply connecting. if negative things happen, these moments may give him/her strength because he/she knows that love is real. it's all a question of surviving. oprah survived incestuous sexual abuse and a teen pregnancy. not only did she survive but she brings a message of love and hope to all nations today. she chose to soften her heart by these experiences and not allow the perpetrators to define who she was. pain defines all of us, and how we handle our pain is testament to who we are. what each of us can do each day is to make maximum effort to be kind, caring and respectful, it starts with each indidvidual as you never know just how much a person is suffering and a cruel word or attitude could be just enough to put them over the edge. if someone does feel like being cruel, i would suggest they write down what they said or did and analyse why. i don't believe anyone is all good or all bad but i think people choose to harden their heart to deal with pain or soften their heart to deal with pain. i do feel that suicide has been on the choice of hardening the heart because it has a ripple effect of hurting all in their life. choosing life and crying and being imperfect and struggling be it with drugs, alcohol, amphetamnes, etc......at least chooses forgiveness and a faith in hope. even if they go down a road that is so imperfect, it's a human road and they are choosing, in spite of their pain, to be a part of humanity. another message to parents is to let your children know that it's ok if they're not perfect and they mess up sometimes, it's their life and they need to make mistakes to understand what choices are all about. however, if they're alcoholics and drug users, if you are lucky enough to recognize this early on, you can really help them by getting them into therapy immediately before they cause permanent brain damage.

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Dec 16, 2011

Thank You Delia. That was great. I am so happy that my daughter's are in their 20's but I worry about my extended family where several of the teens are more into their peers than family. I am also concerned about my community and you are on point that adults need to be in the present and available just in case a human being who is still developing needs someone to talk to.
Have a wonderful holiday and may your new year be filled with lots of love, peace and happiness. If you are not already working in this field, you should consider it because you have so much to offer.

Roxie43 likes this
deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Dec 20, 2011

i'm sorry that your good friends chose suicide. no wonder you want to run from negative people. i have never known anyone who committed suicide. i certainly hear people make the comment. generally, i find these particular people are beating themselves up about something they didn't do right or are not doing right.. sometimes, their despair can be overwhelming and i do have to be particularly strong in that particular conversation and if i don't feel that way, i do say i have to run. however, if i have the courage to push through on the conversation, i try to address the things they have done right. when they start blaming other people, which they generally do in this mood, i gently remind them that we are here to create ourselves, not create someone else. we can influence someone else by creating ourselves but the puck stops there. so you make sure you do not blame yourself for any aspect of their choice, that was their own doing. they chose to create their own death. i think you have respected their choice but missing them must be hard. take care, delia

Roxie43 likes this

Posted by Anonymous-3f3b8acb, Feb 3, 2012

I will never forget those that I have lost. It's unreal at times when I think of how wonderful they were. I feel like more and more people are choosing suicide over dealing with issues. Life can be so hard compounded by so much stress when we don't feel good. It can be difficult to want to be around when nothing seems to go the way we want it. I think a lot of people contemplate suicide because the level of pain is chronic with no end in sight. I am struggling but I am not thinking of self inflicting more pain.
God rest the soles of those that felt they had no other options.

Roxie43 likes this
deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Feb 6, 2012

Hi Roxie 43, sorry to hear that you are struggling. Life can get very heavy and it feels, sometimes, the weight is too much. A long walk or a long lie-down often changes the channel without any further effort. Mental pain is self-created and self-fueled. A lot of people can't see this till they commit to a therapy that they intuitively feel can help them. Physical pain, in some cases, is created through ignorance, e.g., poor nutrition, lack of movement. Chronic real nerve pain is another matter and my prayers go out to those with it. Courage doesn't seem to be evenly distributed, e.g., redheads have a lower threshhold for pain. I would imagine, though, that a drug regimen with good meditation classes may be the best solution; mind over matter would have to be the force here. My mental force is consistenlty, God never leaves me and in his presence I will always stay caring and human, till I die, then I will continue living with His spirit.

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Feb 6, 2012

Hi Roxie, I hope that you feel better soon. I have always suffered from anxiety and my depresssion started later in my life. The positivity that you give to other. people is wonderful. I am a great believer in the power of positive thinking. Unfortunately in my case I am very restricted as to the medications I can take as I am on comaudin for ongoing clotting issues. I read your advice often and I find comfort in your caring words. Take care and thanks again.

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Feb 8, 2012

Hi Delia,
You know how it is. We have good days as well as days that we wish we never come. I'm ok, but I don't want anyone to suffer. I think so much more has to e done so people don't feel so hopeless. This website is helping because wrong are allowed to support one. Another.
Have a wonderful day

Roxie43 likes this
piglit

Posted by @piglit, Feb 8, 2012

Hi Roxie thanks for responding and I agree that this website is helping people. I also wish that I could do somehing to assist with bullying in the school system and also in the work system is a a very real problem. My son changed schools because of this and my husband also left his job of 32years. My husband is fine and started work in the aged care industry as I do and my son whi is now 22 is doing fine and commencing a uni course. So positives always can come out of negatives. Take care Piglit and I hope you have many more good days than the ones we don't want to have.

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Feb 8, 2012

Hi
Thank. You. I am glad your family is doing better but no one should have to deal with any type of maltreatment but bullies actually hate their own existence so they hurt others
Best
Roc

Roxie43 likes this
piglit

Posted by @piglit, Feb 8, 2012

Hi I couldn't agree with you more and thanks for the concern for my family they are fine. Although I have found that bullies are very insecure and they feel as if they have the upper hand by mistreating other people. I actually was teaching at the school that my son was bullied at and tried to take action through his counsellor. But unfortunatley emotional is the hardest form to take action on. So I left a 7year career of teaching reception through to year 10 children with special needs and gifted and eventually went in caring for people with high care needs in aged care.
They say a change is as good as a holiday and this change was one of the best things and rewarding that I have achieved. Thanks again Roxie will talk soon always here if you need to talk have good listening ears. Piglit

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Feb 8, 2012

Thank you Piglit,
As I am here to.
God bless

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Feb 8, 2012

Thanks you too Roxie and God Bless you too talk soon Piglit

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Feb 16, 2012

hi piglit
How is everything? I'm ok but had a little challenge earlier this week. No matter what comes my way I fight to stay alive because my faith ensures me solace and happiness.
A friend said "fall 10 times, get up 11"! So to all keep getting up.
Peace & sunny days. 😉

Roxie43 likes this
piglit

Posted by @piglit, Feb 16, 2012

Hi roxie I'm fine thanks. How is everything wtih you. Sometimes challenges are put in front of us and I can honestly say that my faith continues to give me a strong inner strength. I am postive that you have this too as every hurdle you face you do with such strength and positivity. Your words that you offer to people are of great comfort and this in life is quiet a gift to have. You take care and God Bless and I am always here as you know if you need me. Piglit

Roxie43 likes this
piglit

Posted by @piglit, Feb 11, 2012

Hi Roxie just wondering how things are going for you Take Care Piglit

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Feb 12, 2012

Hi,
Having a crying spell now. Perfect timing but I will be ok
Going back to work in a week but instead of being happy I am anxious. How are you?

Roxie43 likes this
piglit

Posted by @piglit, Feb 12, 2012

I'm on a bit of a low ebb myself too at the moment having probelms with my leg seem to be getting superficial and dvt problems ongoing at the moment. Try not to be too anxious everything will be fine. I will send my positive vibess through it always works with my friend who lives in the states. Can I add you as a friend then I can email you at times.

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Feb 12, 2012

Ok it's a new day ladies. A good cry made me feel better and I'm going to visit family. Let's all try to do at least one thing today. I'll check back in later.
Norma.....Rox

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Feb 12, 2012

Hope you have a wonderful day visiting the family. Glad your feeling better. Talk soon Piglit

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Feb 16, 2012

Hi
I accepted you ;-).

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Jan 26, 2012

Wishing I could do some work in the school system re; bullying. Every single time I hear a story of bullycide I am deeply saddened. I recall bullies from grade school and I also know adult bullies. We have to do more about bullying in the schools and the workplace. No one deserves to be hurt in this manner and no human being deserves to be so victimized to the point of ending life!

Roxie43 likes this
deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Feb 9, 2012

Hi Roxie 43! I find that working on a home project, like changing a room, adding a piece of art, cleaning out drawers and cupboards, etc... enables me to focus on something larger than me, thus helping me to expand the big picture. I think this is the goal of life, to get to the understanding of it all and when this horizon is given these types of disciplinary exercises that are so rewarding when complete, you get a bonus. You not only get a prettier and/or neater abode but a deeper philosophical feel about life litself. Take care.

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 11, 2012

Hi Delia
How are you? I always think of the wonderful insight that you have. I feel the same about Piglit and others who are not afraid to be supportive of others.
I took your advice about taking on a project so I have been writing more because I cannot wait to see my little book bound and ready to share with the world!
I have also been repainting my white borders in my home preparing for spring and I have been reconnecting with childhood friends.
Thanks for your feedback and I hope all is well.
Rox

deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Mar 11, 2012

Hell-o Roxie 43 and Piglet, yes, I do find taking little steps in a desired/interesting goal brings us to a bigger place and projecting any kind of creativity onto the world alleviates pain in the brain for a time. This rest is sorely needed when one gets into one's own head for too long as it can get too intense and unbearable. Roxie, it sounds like you have a few channels to flee the ego. At the end of the day, these little or big accomplishments are so much fun to gloat over with the ego. So the relationship with yourself can slowly change by brushing shoulders together over things that are self-rewarding rather than on the self-defeating pain. Whether it's mental or physical pain, they both can incapacitate and block all avenues unless creative habits are formed so we can jump into them and run from the force of despair. And what are we running to? To the light within our own self and we are running out of the darkness towards it with nurtured habits of self-love. Take care, both of you good-night.

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 11, 2012

The ego is an intricate part of who we are. It's the "I", "me" and its important to have a healthy one. I don't wish to flee from my ego, "i' and I try very hard to do things like the Bible says "do things not in conceit but in humility"
Humility is a beautiful attribute and this past year, actually all my life the ego "I" has endured a lot of abuse. Recovery is inclusive of nurturing the ego not to become a narcissist nor condescending but to learn to appreciate self despite the trauma endured.
Have a wonderful night.
Rox

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 11, 2012

Hi Roxie, I couldn't agree with you more. Our ego is a very important part of all of us. It seperates out to us what is real, how we feel, also helps us to organize our thoughts, to help us make sense of them. The power of positive thinking is one of these attributes obtained through our egos. Recovery is very inclusive in the nuturing of our egos, We all have endured trauma at different levels and different kinds, and therefore we need to be caring and listen and support each other as so many of us do on a daily basis. You have a wonderful night too, and I thank-you so much for your ongoing support of me and the others in the community. Piglit

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 11, 2012

Hi Piglit
Thank you for your post. You're always such a positive spirit. I appreciate your support and friendship. It's Sunday and I'm going to cook a nice dinner this evening and invite my sister over.
Have a wonderful day my friend ....oh I love the message about butterflies ..
Rox

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 11, 2012

Hi Rox Enjoy the evening with your sister, and I thank-you also for your friendship, support and positivity. Have a wonderful day Talk soon. Piglit

Roxie43 likes this
piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 11, 2012

I think a times we all say things that we don't mean. It's just part of human nature.It is so important to take care of one another and make sure our family and loved ones are safe. Take care and God Bless Piglit

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 11, 2012

Just one more thing that I would like everyone to remember. Is that friends can make such a difference to us all. It is so important to accept everyone one for who they are and not to be judgemental. Friends can always brighten up your days and sometimes even fill them with a little sunshine. Have a wonderful day Piglit

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 11, 2012

Just one more thing that I would like everyone to remember. Is that friends can make such a difference to us all. It is so important to accept everyone one for who they are and not to be judgemental. Friends can always brighten up your days and sometimes even fill them with a little sunshine. Have a wonderful day Piglit

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 11, 2012

Sometimes we say things we don't mean. Be supportive but make sure your loved one is safe.
God bless

deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Mar 11, 2012

As you mention, your ego has suffered abuse and to heal, you do have to let go and welcome in a more creative self-loving dimension. The use of my term gloat is simply in reference to the giddiness I feel when I am empowered as opposed to disempowered. I was looking at your latest activities/goals in a very positive light and when I said 'flee from your ego', I was referring to that side of the ego that enslaves and cries 'I can't'.

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 11, 2012

Of course Delia
Trust me fleeing is so appealing at times but I try my best with help from my support systems to decipher between the real me and the "I" that unfortunately has scars. Easier said than done. However. On good days, I try to nurture myself by writing in depth about my extensive exposure to; you are ugly, your hair is ugly, you are the devil, you will never be as good as your sister and if I dared to say "you are wrong and hurtful" I would be stomped with steel toed boots!
Ironically, I turned out the very opposite but at a price.
I'm older, wiser and very in tune with what I have to do for self so that instead of my experience dictating my destiny my ability to share and not be ashamed is a wonderful release.
However, my coping mechanism has at times caused me to be ostracized because some people just cannot understand why I don't hide my true self. Work is a perfect example hence my new post "YOU DO NOT...DEFINE WHO I AM". This imposed shame led to my first ever incapacitating episode and I have not worked since 9/2011.
I should have been back long ago but I never thought that my next abuser would be a new and inexperiened supervisor.
Anyway, many on this very site have been like a true blessing and I should be returning to work soon.
I learned a valuable lesson throughout this experience.....one's confidence can bring out another's biases and vulnerabilities .....
Best,
Rox

Roxie43 likes this
deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Mar 12, 2012

Wow! you do have some unpleasant bagagge. I have never had anyone be this direct with insults. My emotional pain has always been by someone close to me who subtley pulled the carpet from under me. So I was not prepared and shock factor was often my reaction. You seem to have been taken by surprise in that last incident and thus you have been unable to go back to work. I imagine you were in shock and this reaction got you offguard, as I was caught. When things are done in a manipulative fashion and that is not your style, it's hard to come to grips with and addressing it is extremely difficult. However, now I ask the question, what does God want me to learn from this. I felt voiceless in these scenarios and with some guidance from 'A course in Miracles' - don't be someone else's conscience just be your own. Before I followed this advice, it was much more difficult to be caught offguard, With this new way of looking at their indirect verbal assault/action, I simply respond to it and don't give myself the additional headache of trying to reason why they are doing it to me.. So my response now is from my own feelings and I'm allowed to express them and the other person is allowed to elaborate, apologize or explain, if they wish. Sometimes, empathetic people are their own worst enemy because they try to understand the other who is hurting them so their loyalty is divided. This is fine if the other truly cares and considers your feelings but it gives them the upperhand if they only want to hurt you. So rule of thumb for me now, is address 'immediately' my feelings by using my voice. Division of empathy for myself and the insulter just buries the pain and doesn't allow me to grow with all the doubletalking in my head, my voice gets lost. Using my voice right away is a new adaptation of mine but it allows for a lot more honesty in any relationship and stops festering hostile feelings from building up towards another. I've come to understand that living in the now means being conscious and being aware of my own conscience and responding to that. Responding is softer because a love of self is in there and it's gentler than reacting because it cares for the self and strokes the self. The self is alive when one learns to stand back for a split second, refer to conscience and this becomes easy, consultation with God results in the mature self-nurturing response. We are in the image and likeness of God so he feels the insult and you feel his power to refuse to accept abuse.

Eckhart Tolle makes quite a distinction between ego and self. It's not Freudian. He was wanting to kill himself on a park bench in England inspite of having had a good job teaching university. He became a bum on a park bench for, I believe, over a yr. It was in that moment when he said I hate myself and want to kill myself that he suddenly asked the question, 'what self do I want to kill?' Then he knew that the self where joy and light emanated was not that self of darkness, thus he arrived at a state of enlightenment where he called that which is real is self/God and that which is hateful/destructive is not real but 'ego'. He went back to work, wrote many many books and is known worldwide all because he defined 'self' for himself.

Communication is truly an art and semantics sometimes get in the way of understanding another's viewpoint. As we can see with Tolle, it takes time to even understand our own thoughts and define what 'self' is and 'ego' is and to come to terms with our own definition. Whatever definition we arrive at, if it empowers and gives voice/action freedom of expression then it is the right one for us. If it results in guilt, powerlessness, and paralysed vocal chords then more instrospection needs to happen.

You are quite passionate , Roxie43, in your pursuit of defining 'self' and ego' and I do believe, as with Tolle, these are the most important self-defining terms. Each of us must establish our own philosphy of self and every time we explain it to another, we finetune it and understand ourselves a little bit more. As Freud says, a big chunk of the ego is unconscious so there is always the chore to unearth, to unfold what we are all about. Two great men, two different approaches but the end goal for both is to have autonomy and be self-directed not to allow ourselves to be trapped in another's cruel world. Tolle, for me, is more optimistic about humanity. He looks at the ego as our perceptions and as we conjured up these perceptions, we can let them go as they are, in the now, mere illusions that we cling to. So painful, horrible experiences can be dropped from the now, the memory will be there but the power to take charge of the now is the focal point of his philosophy, The choice to end the emotional pain is within your own scope to do right now and to be in your own state of mind, your own world, whereas Freud feels that the very few will be able to go past their pain no matter how much therapy they have because it requires a tremendous amount of courage. I prefer Tolle, myself because, e.g., if you continue to give a lot of weight to the words/actions of your previous supervisor, you become too concerned about making his words/actions more real than your own life right now. In my own life and with respect to my own manipulators I have to go full circle to looking at the beauty of my own conscience and not allowing it to be contaminated by their ugliness(weakness) of conscience and operate from my essence, my conscience, according to me (and God). Should I focus on how much pain they have caused me, I create more pain. Forgiveness is there on my part but I still have a memory of what was said and done so my voice will be clear, calm and to the point in all future interactions with them. I don't anticipate them being negative but if I'm extremely positive, the only response I can have is 'explain yourself, where is that coming from and why?'

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 12, 2012

Thank you Delia
I always enjoy reading your thoughts. God has a purpose for me. I genuinely believe that. God knows how all this will end as he has already established my destiny. It is this faith that allows me to prepare to return to the real world with my head held high..
This does not mean all will be flawless but I think in the end I'll be stronger because I chose to fight back.
I may be home but I am dealing with certain issues legally because I deserve to walk into work and be safe at all times.
Your support is greatly appreciated and your way of articulating the truth is respected,
God bless
Rox

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 12, 2012

Hi Piglit
How's work?
Rox

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 13, 2012

I sometimes think one can be brainwashed into believing the mean word's when one is vulnerable. Deep down I know I'm not the devil. I have the biggest heart and am always willing to help others.
What happened with the supervisor, however, was totally out of left field but I was told she was instructed by the hospitals bully who no one and I mean no one likes.. this woman hides behind her powerful position and is pure evil. I have tried to forgive her many times but I'm done with her. Forgiveness in this case has not been earned. Delia she has slandered my character and encourages workplace violence. Why she hates me only she knows but it is hurtful. She is the reason I'm still out of work. Over a decade of her abuse and no one stands up to her....except ME!
God bless you
Rox

deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Mar 13, 2012

Legal issues are (excuse the pun) trying. The length of time they take and all the preparation makes you have to go through it over and over and in such minute detail. I don't know if you follow any particular religious tenets but I do know that the basis for the christian religions is forgiveness. Jesus went through all that pain and suffering for the forgiveness of sins so as to give us all that benefit whereby we only need to ask (or for some, go to confession) for forgiveness and it is ours. In the Our Father, 'forgive us our tresspasses as we forgive those who tresspass against us". So if we emulate our creator (in christian tradition) we forgive inspite of the feeling of being ostracized, crucified, scourged, whipped, crowned with thorns, pierced with a sword in our side, etc...Jesus himself did not understand but followed the destiny his father laid out before him. He resurrected from all this pain and his spirit became whole. According to the bible, he achieved life after death. The symbolism is also in everyday living, forgiving and renewing one's light in one's heart. So for us in this life, when we forgive, it is the hardest thing to do, but it frees us from the agonizers. Holding hate and vengeance in one's heart only hardens the heart and light and dark in the same heart creates conflict if not, a contradiction. Don't think for a minute, Roxie, that I am judging you, I am not. I understand how difficult it is to forgive someone who has maligned you that way and hurled terrible abuse your way but you have suffered, Roxie. If you are going to win the battle, drop the sword, walk away. Do not allow her to make you suffer anymore. Take back ownership of your own feelings. You know she was wrong. You have a court action in place, pursue that merely from a human rights issue and take back ownership of your own heart and renew your spirit. You do not have to defend yourself, you were acting in good conscience. It is her that needs to defend herself all you need do is bring a cognitive approach to the court. When she sees you fresh and renewed, she will be humbled and know your power is greater. Forgiveness has a light like no other. Good night Roxie43 and good luck

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 13, 2012

Hi Delia
Thank you for the words of wisdom. I agree with you on so many levels. Interestingly, I was raised in the church but I have some conflicting views especially "why" does someone who is good to others is not always reciprocated?
I remember asking why as a child and these past 13 months. I see good in everyone Delia even the very woman that hates me and has done so many things to personally hurt me and my career. No matter what, I find it difficult to hate anyone but I feel that accountability is important.
I have always worked hard and even volunteered to work Saturday's for 11 years so all consumers could have something to do on the weekend that was free.
I know the woman is the one with deep rooted issues but she targeted me. Why? Because I have a smile on my face and genuinely love helping others and people like me and dislike her?
There is no excuse Delia and I would never intentionally hurt anyone because that's not my nature.
I have forgiven many for turning a blind eye because I am the one that becomes imprisoned and I enjoy being free spirited when I feel good.
I'm reading a spiritual book "Power for living" and much of your advice and my early childhood learning is reiterated in this book. A section states that God has a purpose for me and that these trying times are preparing me for this purpose and anointing but I'm tired of cruelty Delia.
Your time, your words and your willingness to give me healthy advice does not go unnoticed.....
God bless you
Rox

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 14, 2012

Friends can be wonderful and supportive. Peers on the other hand can be malicious especially if they want to get ahead.
Not all peers but those that feel threatened.....I'm not cut throat nor competitive but I have witnessed it and it's ugly.
I am fortunate that I have loyal friends and colleagues

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 14, 2012

True friends are such a joy in the midst of uncertainty
Just like you Piglit

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 14, 2012

Thank you so much Roxie. such kind words start someone's day off with joy

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 15, 2012

Oh I'm so glad!

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 14, 2012

Hi Delia
I also need to forgive myself. I have never intentionally hurt a fly but in my life I disappointed a loved one and although I can immediately own my mistakes it has bothered me. Cannot go into specifics publicly but the lord knows. I'm not perfect
I hope you're enjoying this beautiful day.
Thanks
Rox

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 14, 2012

Meeting on 4-12-12, will humbly present and hope my higher power will be by my side.

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 14, 2012

Glad that the meeting day has been organized all will go well, You will go in and be able to say what you feel. with your head held high. Believe me the higher power will be with you and so will I. All will work out for you. This has been a long time coming, but I know that you are more than ready. Thank you for my lovely gift it has made my day. God bless Piglit

Roxie43 likes this
piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 14, 2012

So glad the sun is shining as well Piglit

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 14, 2012

Forgiveness ......

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 14, 2012

everythingwill be okay Rox. It all comes good in the end

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 13, 2012

I did thanks

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 15, 2012

Delia
I have read this post several times and each time it makes more sense as if you know me personally or God used your voice to guide me.
Yes, I'm passionate about so many things and over the years I've forgiven and yes the memory of what they did remains.
There are people that I still communicate with today that I know only care about themselves or don't have the power they once bragged about having. I communicate with them in hopes that a light will turn on and they will finally do what is right!
I have been spending more time reading my spiritual books and praying that when the day comes to use my voice I will speak the truth and put my faith in a higher power so much greater than all in the room and when I walk out of that room I will be free inside and out.
Again, thank you for your honesty and articulation of what I needed to seriously consider.
Roxie

Roxie43 likes this
deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Mar 19, 2012

Hi Roxie,

The weather is beautiful and that feeling of 'letting go' seems an easier thing to do. So many of our roles entail 'loyalty' and this trait builds character. So it's no wonder that things get cloudy when some situations/roles demand a 'letting go' approach. Ironically, , the 'letting go' approach builds character as well. Life is a balancing act really, like that old song 'know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, when the day is done'. It's like a junky room:. there may be a lot of things of sentimental value but if they are strewn about with worthless items and creating cluttter, then the value of the space that is costly is compromised. The beauty of aesthetic open breathing space renders peace to the creator and the beholder(s). Such is our heart when we 'will' carefully with tender love what we choose freely to fill it with. Also, when both the home and the heart are organized from rhe vantage of love, they are welcoming to ourselves and others. Angst at many levels is reduced when the 'loyalty-letting-go' poles are balanced with maturity and with the advice of God.

To put this all in perspective of 4-12-12, render to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's. This, as I'm sure you know, was in relation to taxes.. God has planted us on this earth and as members of the planet, we experience it. The system of man's justice will protect you here and your job. This is not a friend or family member and this is not a private matter. This is a co-worker/supervisor who did not follow employment standards with regards to respecting an employee and giving due privacy. She did not follow the laws of Caesar , so to speak, Thus, the business aspect should be dealt with in the court as you have coordinated. In matters of loyalty, pain ensues when there is a breach. Your loyalty was/is to your job, not to her. Once these are separated, you can see the assignment clearly. Your angst is caused because you have loyalty to the job and you need the employer's loyalty to pay your rent ,etc,,, This woman who attacked you verbally in the workplace in a public forum is what your heart needs to release. let her go. Your goal then becomes clearer, your loyalty is to your job and your intentions are to be able to return to work free from harassment. So your real pain is your loss of employment because that is still in your loyalty post and rightly so. Your energy will not be wasted if this woman is in your 'letting-go' post. Her attitude must change or she needs to be replaced. Don't lose your focus of loyalty and this will make all questions easier to answer and succinct.

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 19, 2012

Thank you so much. I am vested as a state employee going on 13 years of dedicated set so I'm not afraid of losing my job. An attorney told me that if they even tried ...well I would not have to work. That's not my focus. My focus is that discrimination genuinely hurts. This woman wrote me a 2 page letter and the things she wrote were about a fictitious conversation but the straw that broke the camel's back, crossed the line and was so unethical was that she commented on my illness in the letter. I have let her go and in a way can empathize because she was a mule used by the real culprit.
She transferred so I will never see her again unless I decide to subpoena her. Now the culprit is not a nice person and no one likes her and those that tolerate her do so to climb up the ladder but deep down no one likes her.
Then here I come liked by many but more importantly the clients and although my depression can be chronic one could never tell because I present well. Until last year no matter how I felt inside outwardly I shined and that bothered this woman.
I would rather mop floors and be respected and have good relationships vs. Be an administrator whose inner demons interfere with staff moral and well-being.
So, the supervisor is gone but the bully with a little power remains.
I spoke with a loved one today and he was taken back when I asked him to pray for me. Although I pray and am spiritual I'm not hyper-religious but he has been his entire life. He was shocked because he knows I was raised in church.
I know my strengths and I know my challenges. I have forgiven many in my 40+ year's and when I have done something wrong I am quick to say I'm sorry and really mean it.
I have a problem that I deal with weekly for 50 minutes. This bully has hurt me since 2002, she hates me and manipulates other's to treat me indifferent.
In my life I have disliked hatred and did not even allow my daughter's to use the word.
Rewind to 2011, this woman slandered my character, made fun of me, denied me professional work and assigned me paraprofessional work and so much more.
I became suicidal, went on my first ever 6+ months medical leave and am not qualified to take my licencing exam because she denied me the required supervision!

Being in touch with one's feelings is important and recently I was honest with my doc so that she can help me.
So I pray, I get on my knees because I know better than to entertain all that I know is not godly

Truly ashamed

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 19, 2012

It is only natural for you too have all this mixed emotions and feelings.To be belittled in this way has to have an effect on you, and unfortunately, the bully/bullies ususally remain. I have learnt this by my own experiences within my family as you are more than aware. You will take the challenges ahead of you head on,and your inner strength will guide you through, also as you know my help will always be there for you as with your other friends. Delia's words are so true, and Delia I thank-you for the ongoing advice you give to so many. Everything will be fine I can only try to reassure you that good will prevail evil at the end of the day is never the winner. Over my 50+ years I have always been a forgiving person, up until I wtinesssed full on bullying abuse to my son. His counsellor had never heard anthinglike this in 30years. I had no comeback and still find it hard to forgive. The bullies remained and my son took full on abuse physical and emotional for nealry 4years.I wish I could of taken the system on. Rox you have this chance , take the bull by the horns as the old saying goes, hold you head high and beleive me it will make a difference.
Always here if you need me. Piglit

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 19, 2012

Amen! The horns .....beautiful

deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Mar 20, 2012

piglet, I hope your son has healed. Sounds like he has the best medicine, your love.

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 20, 2012

Hi Delia. My son is fine , he is in a second year course at Tafe and enjoying it very much, He also works casually as well. As the saying goes love conquers all, and this is very true, Thanks once again for your concern and care just not for me but for other members in the community. Your wordly knowledge and insight is of great help and comfort to us all. Take Care Piglit

deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Mar 20, 2012

Glad to hear the outcome is positive, piglit, and that your son is moving forward and taking steps actualizing in the present what will help ground him in the future.

Roxie43 likes this
piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 21, 2012

Thanks Delia is has been a very positive outcome Take care Piglit

deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Mar 23, 2012

Hi Piglet, thought for today, the sun is sure shining and it's just easier to feel and see God's light these warm bright days. Take care, Ann

Roxie43 likes this
piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 23, 2012

Hi Delia, thank you for my lovely thought. I have just driven home along the seafront,looked up at the most beautiful clouds with the sun shining down on the sea. So beautiful, God works in wonderful ways doesn't he. Piglit

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 23, 2012

Im already outside and it's gorgeous l am going to try to talk nature in and let go of things hurtful.
When you lose people you care for I think God is reminding you to cherish the time we are still on the beautiful earth he gave us.
There should not be hatred either so I am asking god to help me separate myself from others ways

Humbled

china

Posted by @china, Mar 25, 2012

I agree not to tell personal aspects of ones life.

deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Mar 25, 2012

Hi Roxie, I think your strategy of focusing on the beautiful and natural is the most powerful magnet that strengthens the more it is used. The more we let go the hurtful, the stronger the magnet pulls toward God. Such is the dilemma of life to heap the side of negative thinking under the category 'letting go' in order to send the other side of that see-saw up to God in the realm of positive consciousness. Without experiencing and letting go of the negatives, it would be a lot harder and a lot longer to achieve the boost we need to put that see-saw into a vertical position.

Roxie43 likes this
deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Mar 25, 2012

Hi Piglet and Roxie, thx for sharing your positive thoughts. I am surrounded by illness, not my own, but those I love and care for. I read a quote from a hundred year old in the paper the other day and he said " the answer to longevity is happiness and no tension". Wow! I thought it's too late for me as I've already experienced such angst. However, if he didn't know what tension was, he couldn't be sharing that lesson. So I imagine he was like us, feeling things to the max and he then learned that wise move of 'acceptance' . That's the only way tension is reduced. If we accept a situation as God's plan, are inspired by God and reflect His/Her courage and ask Him/Her now what, He/She guides us. It doesn't mean we leave things as they are, as this is where free will kicks in and our following actions re the situation become singular as they are simply the right thing to do. So the older we get, with respect to wisdom, is growing in the discernment of right and wrong action and as that wisdom becomes refined, tension lessens as right action takes its place. Thus, we have the definition of courage, e.g., a man is drowning. Another jumps in immediately to save him. If he stood there on the bridge grappling with what he should do, he would have become tense and when the man actually drowned possibly because of his inaction, then the guilt would have increased his tension. So practicing right action every day builds courage and reduces tension. I thank this centenarian for this simple quote that I think I've analysed correctly and just hope that I gain enough courage to slam the door on tension. Would appreciate your comments on his quote.

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 25, 2012

Hi Delia. A dynamic post. During his years he would have experienced every emotion. Lived through wars, the depresssion, So I think that he is stating that his answer to living a long and happy life is to try to aleviate the stress and tension. I feel that with a strong faith as you Roxie and I all have gives as all the strength and courage to face challenges that are put in front of us. As we get older wedo become wiser as we learn by our mistakes and others as well. We have a different outlook and approach things differently. Me myself I agree with you completley, I have never not had tension in my life as my Dad was very sick on and off up until he passed away. I miss him so much, but through this I was given courage and strength,and a very positive outlook on life, and pulled on my faith from a very young age to get through this. I think that you have hit the nail on the head as the old age saying goes as to your intepretation of this wise old man. I have been lucky in the work the I do in aged care to of heard many a wonderful story, of faith courage and determination, I also feel that by doing right by others caring, listening is a great builder of our courage and makes us feel good that we have in someway helped someone. Take care God Bless and most of all look after yourself. Piglit

deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Mar 25, 2012

Hi Piglit, your writing gives another image that is perhaps more realistic when you say, "alleviate the stress and tension", I see a door closing gradually over the years as opposed to suddenly slamming. From one courageous action a day, to two, then three til over time, the practice becomes automatic. I like how you refer to listening and empathizing as courageous acts. You are so right. It takes no effort to pretend to listen and nod the head and carry on but it takes a giving of time and a sharing of consciousness to truly communicate. Then one gains as one enters into something bigger than one's self even though there was no intention to get rewarded. I believe it's because the sphere of God's consciousness is the land of truth and courage and how we get there is by action having these labels. They originate from a selfless source but end up enriching the self because we feel more secure in the light of God.
I really enjoyed how you chronicled the centenarian's passage of events in life just from knowing his age. You really added something personal to his quote. That's why I'm sure the people you work with really appreciate you. You have a keen perception for acknowledging the individual. Thx, Piglit. Can't wait to hear your feedback on our thoughts about this quote, Roxie.

Roxie43 likes this
piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 25, 2012

Thanks for your kind words Delia and thanks for just being you God Bless Piglit

deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Mar 25, 2012

You're very kind and thoughtful, piglit. Enjoy the gorgeous day!

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 25, 2012

Hi Delia,
Longevity involves happiness and no tension is a powerful quote. For me, realizing that I have to consistently rely on my faith and upbringing in the church will reduce my tension, increase my level of happiness and allow me to let go of certain things that hold me prisoner. Memories
I need to be selective in choosing my battles and as I age and continue to grow I am praying that I will become wiser and disown what is not mine if I'm going to have any longevity. I can't imagine living to be 100 but what a wise person I would be. I have a lot of respect for elders because they have experienced so much and many know through existing for so long what really helps one to grow wiser on an emotional level.
The quote is powerful and for me challenging because I do have so much tension 'and unresolved issues. Luckily, I do have the foundation that god has a plan for me and although I had somehow turned my back on my religious and spiritual upbringing by my grandma recent events humbled me and I remembered that I needed my faith to get me through and sustain my purpose.
I'm not one hundred percent in compliance with all that I have to do because I'm challenged by horrific memories but my insight will continue reminding me to slowly let go.
This is why for me, weekly talk therapy is so important, as is the support and insight I have had the privilege to receive from you and other's on this site.
I'm a work in progress, I know this, and letting go of those that have hurt me and allowing those that love me to take presidency will ultimately allow me to be happy on a consistent basis
It's 5:44am here so I'm barely awake, so, I hope I articulated the response that I needed to convey.
God bless you and thank you for all your feedback over the past several weeks l. I read and processed it all and you have been on point.
Rox

deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Mar 25, 2012

Hi Roxie,

Either you, Piglit and myself are night owls or early birds. My dog can't even keep her eyes open and she's only 5. So I guess no matter how tired we are, we have an energy to communicate. This is the 'idea' world and it is from where all meaning emanates. Whether we're sitting talking with people or hearing their voice on the phone, it's a similar activity, soul-connecting. Whatever medium is used, the respect for another's
soul is acknowledged. As we type in the light, it makes the soul even more apparent.

I like how you humbly state that you are a work in progress. As Piglit pointed out, the centenarian had a life where he's lived through a world war and depression so his pain was great and thus, his experiences of 'letting go' required major dumping in order to stay happy and sane. I'd like to think that if we're under 90, we're all a work in progress.

"Disowning what is not mine" Roxie, is a clever way that you have described your own conscience. Once you separate hers from yours, you no longer need to try and understand her. When someone acts from bad conscience, it does the soul no good to go there. What is the point of visiting hell? Even if you choose to help someone this vindictive, you would best do it from your own conscience 100% because once the concept of her reality gets in there, you will lose touch with your reality. One is dark, one is light and you compromise yourself by entering her world and can cast shadows on your light or even obliterate it. If you don't go there but remain on the humane caring side, you really don't acknowledge her and therefore do not strengthen her. She may realize that she has to come to your way of thinking if she wants to be noticed but you don't have to make such an effort. The only effort you have to make is to be yourself and do not doubt yourself.

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 25, 2012

As always Delia you are such a delight to hear from. You invoke one to delve into the true self a gift that is truly special.
Thank you for supporting me and allowing me to see that many of us are a work in process.. For me the process has been challenging because I often allow others to pull me into their darkness, another challenge, but I have faith in the lords purpose for and so I keep moving forth with hopes that clarity and dedication will keep me focused so I can experience less tension and much more happiness.
God bless you Delia. You are such a wise yet humble woman and your words are so powerful, so real, that they help a person decipher between important and unhealthy.

deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Mar 25, 2012

Hi Roxie,

A work in 'process', I like the twist you've put on that because it puts the light on'how' life is lived rather than on a final goal. It really does de-emphasize how long or how short a time span an action takes, all that matters in God's consciousness, which is ours to enjoy as well, is that it is done in good faith in a loving respectful manner. Promoting life and joy, no matter the obstacles, is the tenacity of one connected to God
and being fully aware of it. When we are children, we feel it and it is so comforting. As mature adults, competition does get fierce and it becomes obvious that we are fully responsible for ourselves. When mom and dad are there as full back-up when we are children, staying close to God is much easier because we don't have to worry about a roof over our head and affording food on the table. Psychologically and materially, we have buffers in our childhood and youth. As adults,we not only have to provide for ourselves but for our children. So we have to learn to parent and also be a kind parent to ourselves wherein we know our weaknesses and with understanding and patience attempt to turn them into strengths. The good thing is God seems to give us a lot of tries to show our courage. It usually happens when we get fed up with a certain attitude we are holding onto and when we abandon it, it's like a ray of light is in front of us and we finally have the courage to do it this time. This all comes from an all-forgiving consciousness. The 'how' to live and boy what a challenge that can be some days"he that looses this lifes is saved and he that holds onto it, is lost". This is a world of pain and suffering (created by man himself) and it is only by trying to rise above it, we see and commune with God. So the process is the essence in the eyes of God and it is really irrelevant how many times we fall, He/She knows us through our heart and helps us IF we ask. "Ask and you shall receive".

It is said quite often in many sources that the original sin was knowledge. When you've lived long enough to witness the destruction of wildlife, the forests and the oceans all done by man single-handedly in the name of greed, it does appear these are heartless, cowardly actions done with the brain minus the soul. So the story of Eve influencing Adam to take that which they were forbidden to touch is twofold. It's Adam's weakness to allow himself to be lured into Eve's way of thinking that started the ball of destruction rolling. Jesus was sent and sacrificed at the hands of man who were all influenced by one another in inflicting horrible pain. Through the power of forgiveness, he wants each and every man and woman to take back their individuality and be rooted in his image and likeness no matter what destructive influences are in their path. Thus, the process of self-creation and self-actualization is what this life is all about.

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 25, 2012

Hi Delia
I'm trying to simply be the best person I can be. I wish that other's actions did not hurt me but they have. So, I'm trying to focus more on me and less on them.
Yes, a work in progress/process but I am conscientious of how I with my provider's need to work on letting go of evil and negative people..
off to cook....have a great day.
Rox

deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Mar 25, 2012

I'm off to walk my dog at the beach. Enjoy the cooking!

deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Mar 20, 2012

Hi Roxie,

You know, you have to feel that you have put her (these) on a pedestal of power over you. It took a tremendous amount of pain for me to put what unforgiving does to one's actions in all areas. Our lives are not isolated, we can't love here and hate there. Those we love suffer because there is a part of us that's inconsistant with our own image. By not being able to get beyond it and into the power of our own love and into the deep respect we have for life, family and God, we deny our own autonomy and creativity of self. When you write your book, you may get many, many rejections and some nasty comments as did many great writers, actors, chefs, etc.... What brought about their success, a belief in themselves. Some only got true recognition and earning power after death but their love of writing and their belief that their script was worthy of writing and reading is the important thread they all share. You see, it does boil down to you and God. Even in great relationships, there's hurt and disappointments. Big mistakes can be made if you see others as having the power to drain you of your belief in yourself. View her as a critic and some have this nature. When Jennifer Hudson won an acacademy award after being cut at no. 12 on American Idol and being insulted on air by Simon Cowel, she seemed to turn that criticism into becoming even more talented to prove him wrong. Elton John said his father was so critical of him and never went to any of his performances. His father thought he was wasting his time and should get a real job, leave the arts for the losers. Elton says that this has been his motivation throughout life, the more he's told he can't or that he's crazy to invest any time or money into such an outrageous project, the more he's fueled to project this 'insane' idea onto the concrete world. It took him, I believe 12 yrs to do an animation film that he was told would never succeed and would only be a costly venture with great loss no profit. It topped the box office in sales. He never, as other greats never did, allowed time to interfere with his creation of his own ideas nor lack of support from people or criticism from many. I know I mentioned one facet of work and that was the money factor but when you've been in a job for 13 yrs, it must have had purpose for you and you must have felt it was relevant. If you really want to get licensed, get into your own strength mode. Reclaim your love, action and power of yourself and go forward with you in the light and bring your optimism everywhere you go. This critical other needs to be seen simply for what she is, someone groping in the darkness trying to steal some light, any way she can. You have so much light, her little grabs towards yours, will not lessen it BUT you have to fully enjoy and fully believe that.

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 12, 2012

I really appreciate everyone's feedback and suggestions.

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Feb 29, 2012

Today was a decent day. I woke up very early and began to listen to relaxation music. The kind of music a dear friend used to listen to. She was amazing and I wish I had let her know how I felt on a regular basis. Sometimes we become so involved in our own lives that we fail to really see what is before our very eyes. She borrowed $5 the last day I ever saw her again. It was 12/31/2009. Then all became busy with celebrations. On January 5th, 2010 she left us. I hope she knew how unique, gifted, special and loved she was.
You are missed! R.I.P. - MJM

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 16, 2012

I heard one of her favorite songs by Stevie Knicks '..... missing you!

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 16, 2012

I can only try to imagine how much you miss your friend. Songs can bring back wonderul memories, also very mixed emotions. Remember my dear Rox also she is not with you she will live on in your heart forever. Take care Piglit

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 17, 2012

When I see Stevie's video "Stand Back" I see my friend. She had a certain "way" of dressing sort of like Stevie & loved Velour .....
Her laugh was contagious & I hope she can see how much she's missed.
I think of her all the time.
The other person was a gentle soul. He never bothered anyone and was so sweet. I don't think he realized how many people cared for him. A genuinely wonderful human being .....he was failed somehow. Show people you love them when their alive not when they leave us.
Hopin both are at peace. . Eternally
Rox

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 17, 2012

I'm sure that both of your friends have found peace, and that it is eternal. I know how much you cared for them I'm sure that they know how much you miss them. I to have lost friends to suicide and the effects that it had on the families and friends were devasting. I always hope that they found the inner peace that they were looking for, and wish that they had been able to stay with us. One friend was only a school boy so young and so much to give. The other was older and he had lost many people through cancer and illness etc as he cared for them and the grief of llosing so many was too unbearable for him, So sad. We do need to show people how loved and cared for they are everyday. I am a person who lives for the moment, We need to make the most of everyday and feel blessed for what we have and the friends and family who care for us. Take care God Bless Piglit

Posted by Anonymous-3f3b8acb, Mar 5, 2012

A loved one was very distressed today and made the comment that so many of us have made; "I wish I was dead!'she denied being suicidal but it can be scary when a few of her childhood friends are now deceased due to suicide.
You just never know & this is scary.

joycegroenke

Posted by @joycegroenke, Mar 5, 2012

These kinds of thoughts should always be taken seriously. Here is a telephone number to pass onto your friend: 1-800-8255 which is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. They will place her in contact with professionals who can help.

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 5, 2012

Thank you for posting the phone number...
Best Rox

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 5, 2012

800-273 -Talk
24/7 support in case someone needs it
sincerely
Rox

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 28, 2012

When loved ones or acquaintances make remarks about suicide report it, get help and don't believe the person is just seeking attention because one just never knows.
Its a cry for help at times but we cannot read minds and I'd rather be wrong than suffer another loss.
Have a blessed day all,
Rox

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 7, 2012

I spoke to a lovely young lady this afternoon who was about to drive out of state to celebrate her brother's birthday and try to uplift his spirit. She shared that he was extremely depressed and really did not want company let alone celebrating anything.
Four months ago his wife ended her life and in a way the young lady feels her brother's world ended.
As a person in active recovery, day by day, and have lost special people it was so sad to hear that another

person could no longer tolerate living.
Life is a special gift that many people wish they had more time with but for some living is too painful, too much work and often there is a sense of being a burden on loved one's.
Please, please never feel like you're a burden because when a loved one no longer has you around the emptiness and void is oh so painful.
Never lose hope, faith, nor the purpose in your life. No matter how you may be feeling rest assure that feeling is not permanent but suicide is.
I'm a friend who knows darkness but also knows how great recovery feels. It's a lot of consistent work but aren't we worth it?
Wishing you all internal peace and please never be ashamed of reaching out for help.
God Bless You Today and Everyday,
Your friend Rox

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 14, 2012

I spoke with be Becky again and I have to admit I'm concerned for this family. It appears that some loved ones are in denial!
What kind of people allow a depressed and devastated man who has withdrawn from life to live alone with guns?
I only know her through neighbors and have given advice but her brother apparently lives in Maine. If I knew more I would call the police myself.
She is constantly worried but the rest of the family that reside near him don't want to intrude. Wow is all I can say!
I don't know him but still my prayers are with him..

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 16, 2012

She called me but my neighbor told me that she has a good support system including her church and friends.
I wanted to pick up the phone but we have to be careful not to over extend ourselves with every single person because, unfortunately, one person cannot save the world. I was relieved to learn she is not alone during trying time's.

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 20, 2012

I texted her to see how she was. I had to that's my nature. Then the phone wrung and I just picked it up. I have a difficult time with not being supportive especially when a suicide has impacted a family so much.
We talked briefly, I set a time limit, and she is frustrated and concerned about her brother. I reiterated what I already advised.
Then, we just talked about her and the things she needs to do to move into a new apartment next month.
I think, that although she does have a good support system in place, she can appreciate a set of new ears but I made it clear that I am just a friend, not her therapist, and if she is feeling overwhelmed by the family dynamics she needs to seek professional help.
She says her church is a good support system and I am truly happy that she has this support.
I wish the family well & will hold them in my prayers.
Rox

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 21, 2012

I will send prayers from me as well, such a sad a complex situation. Roxie very close to your hear my dear, not a day goes by that you don't reach out to someone. This is why you are so very special. God Bless Piglit

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 21, 2012

Thanks Piglit. You're the same way. Momentum has been great with the links he shared too. I really enjoyed the music and uplifting video.THE community has grown and we can't forget Delia, lisa, aspen and many other wonderful beings.
Have a blessed night all.

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 21, 2012

Thanks Rox. Isn't it great how our community is growing and I will not forget any of them There all wonderful aren't they.

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 21, 2012

I remember when I first joined and our topics had well under 200 discussions. I thing that with more people sharing and being supportive more people feel comfortable because we can genuinely identify with one another
its beautiful

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 21, 2012

I couldn't agree with you more. It's makes such a diffference just to have someone to listen at times, and to care and have understanding.

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 21, 2012

Torn between forgiveness and self preservation.....I guess one can say forgiveness is Sep preservation
What do you think?
Rox

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 21, 2012

I think that we all need to try to preserve what we have, how we are, and what we do. to be able to continue to follow our hopes and dreams in life. I also feel that we need to choose to try to let go of a past wrong, although at times such a strong move to make, if we can achieve will help us in the long run. Hence, pulling on our inner strenght and faith will help to achieve these things.

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 21, 2012

I agree ill work on it but it won't happen over night. I'm not perfect so a decade will take a little work but I know I will benefit in the end.
Rox

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 21, 2012

Nothing happens overnight, all we can do it continue to work at things that challenge us. As the old age saying goes patience is a virtue Everything we try to achieve takes time and patience , and you will benefit in the end. Take care

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 23, 2012

Thank you my dear friend

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 7, 2012

Just read something so encouraging;
One day a caterpillar thought it was the end of the world!
Then she turned into a beautiful butterfly ........

Roxie43 likes this
roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 22, 2012

Please be kind to one another. It can make such a beautiful difference
God bless

deliasanderson

Posted by @deliasanderson, Mar 25, 2012

I really think it's just the symbolism. If one encouraged and the other joined in to commit a negative act , they are both party to it and one is not blameless unless one is a child and the other an adult. This is not the case. Whether or not these are the exact details, they make a good time reference. It was equally their fault regardless of who came up with the idea first. Men authored the bible and in those times, sexism was rampant, so I will agree with you that due to this sexual prejudice, Adam may very well have lured Eve and together they entered into a destructive act (I think biting into an apple is too simplistic, it probably was they were told not to pick from a tree that was not ripe yet and there was disregard for the natural cycle of growth). Some countries today still don't have equality and there is inequality in a lot of boardrooms but women are creating those changes by creating themselves. There's also not equal representation in most governments across the world but this is also changing because women are wanting to change the world from a political vantage and they are actualizing it. Many men, in good conscience, have opened doors and assisted women in achieving financial independence and equality in the workplace and in the world..The entire point of my biblical analogy was simply to share with Delia that the problem of self-identity and losing one's self and one's values in the conscience of another has been there from the beginning of time. To wrap up, this is an area where we all have to be ever vigilant and express our views as you have.

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 26, 2012

Some people have such dark soul's that they sadly impact another's in an unhealthy manner. One cannot foster hope and kindness by allowing these dark soul's to change us. So, there is no space for hatred if we are truly going to make OUR world a better place.
I cannot hate anyone because then I'm no different .......I don't have to like your behavior though

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 27, 2012

What are your thoughts on gambling addiction & suicides? It appears to be kept a secret media wise but stories are out there.
Having any type of addiction can be destructive and debilitating and perhaps more needs to be done for those who no longer see gambling as social activity.
I visit local casinos to enjoy myself, get out of the house for a bit and eat good food but it's so easy to see how one can lose control.
Rox

Roxie43 likes this
piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 27, 2012

I think that any addition is of concern. Gambling is one that in Australia you here stories all the time of people who have spiralled out of conntrol many times ended in suicide. One story that comes to mind that I found terribly sad, was a woman that was working at the casino. She became addicted, life savings gone, house gone. lost everything. Took her on life through total despair as to what she had done. Left children, husband and mother totally heartbroken. Sadly the end of another beautiful life. That had be crying for help but no one listened. Take care Piglit

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 28, 2012

How very sad. I guess people deal with their pain in so many different ways and sadly some methods make the situation even more chaotic. Here if you work in a casino you are not allowed to be a player.
I got my nails manicured and the gentleman that did my nails told me that a family friend became so addicted that he began borrowing money from dangerous people but continued losing money that he ended his life leaving behind a wife and 2 small children. It's not the first story I've heard but it concerned me because any life that is lost to suicide is a tragedy regardless of contributing factors.
Thanks
Roxie

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 28, 2012

So very true Roxie all lives are precious Piglit

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 28, 2012

I believe in God a power much greater than us. I simply wonder why human suffering exists.
It's complicated and it's a struggle when one has suffered so much despite prayer and faith. Nonetheless, I believe my faith of better days has motivated me not to give up. I also believe in karma ....
Rox

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 28, 2012

I sometimes wonder too why there is suffering for people. My faith has always been my saviour. I know that my beleive has not allowed me to give up, through a strong inner strength. I too am a great beleiver in Karma. Piglit

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 28, 2012

Soul searching is good. I think I've done a lot of that....

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 28, 2012

Me too I do this on a daily basis alot of the time

marylynette

Posted by @marylynette, Mar 29, 2012

I have a stong belief that God created man with free will so that we can choose to follow Him or not to, I believe that He made a conscious choice not to inlterfere with the choices people make while here on earth, and that is why innocent people so often suffer at the hands of others.I believe he did this because he did not want to force anyone to live by his rules and guidance, for he knows that fprce is not the way to have happiness and joy. My hope and strength come from a belief that at some point in time each of these people will have to stand before the Lord and explain the behavior that was so harmful to others. I know that HIs justice will be more than fair, and that is good enough for me. I like that I have had the free will to choose how to live my life given the horrific beginning I experi enced. I am ever so thankful that the Lord entered my life at an early age and gave me the gift of DID so that I was able to survive. I am glad I have had the freedom to choose forgiveness, knowing that it does not mean forgetting. I am glad that each person on this earth came here with the freedom to choose how to live his or her life, and for those of us who have suffered we have the assurance that God has seen and knows all we have been through, and that we will be greeted when the time comes with the most wonderful hug we could ever experience.

And, thank you everyone for the kind responses to my writing of yesterday.
Love and prayers from my heart go to each of you, and may your day be filled with butterfly blessings. marylynette

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 30, 2012

Thank you for the kind words, Love and prayers back to you and many butterflies Piglit

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 30, 2012

You are such a sweetheart

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 30, 2012

you are too

marylynette

Posted by @marylynette, Mar 28, 2012

Haven't read all the posts about suicide, addiction, but have experienced both...my father was an alcoholic who committed suicide while in jail. Supposedly he was picked up for drunk driving but I believe he was found with young girls, they were his passion along with drugs. I was 27 and he had told me that if I didn't move home he would kill himself, and he did it 5 days later. The impact of suicide on all those left behind lasts forever, and it is something I decided then and there I would never even consider....at that time I had no idea that I had a severe mental illness or would be physically disabled at age 33. He killed himself in June of 1976. To this day I remember the feelings, and the lies my family tried to tell to cover up the truth. The power of God's love can overcome any and all of the hurts and evils of the world if we allow Him to

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 29, 2012

I am so sorry that you lost your dad in such a tragic way. I am also sorry that you became disabled so very young. I really believe in what you say that if we believe and have faith we can all overcome evil. You sound like such a lovely person and I wish you lots of blessings. I also want to thank you for sharing your experience with suicide. It's a topic that is very real and I'm hoping that people who are at the point of surrendering to their pain can STOP & SAY "PLEASE HELP ME" because the loss of any life to suicide is so sad especially when we are at the cutting edge of increasingly effective treatments.
Kindly,
Rox

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 29, 2012

Hi I too am so sorry that you have experienced such sadness and challenges in your life from a young age. I have always had a strong faith and believe in God. I have been blessed with strong inner strenght that I have learnt to rely on over the years, and the many challenges that were placed before me as a very young child. Each a every day is a new day that we should all take on as best we can. Life is so very precious and we should all live for the moment. I love butterflies too, they have always been very dear too me. I feel I have a free spirit in many ways. Every spring when I was little the butterflies would come and I would feel uplifted and to this day I still do. Take care my dear. God Bless Piglit

China likes this
china

Posted by @china, Mar 29, 2012

So sorry. A courageous lady you are for sharing but promising that you will not consider hurting yourself. You help me in a way that's difficult to share. I appreciate this and god bless you. Thanks

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Apr 28, 2012

How are you Marylynette? I think it's great how supportive you are being to all of us. I hope you're well.
Rox

marylynette

Posted by @marylynette, Mar 28, 2012

enter our lives. I have the trust of all who know me, that no matter how down I may get I will not ever consider suicide. I have made contracts with my docs and more importantly with my Lord to that effect.
And about caterpillars and butterflies.....I consider butterflies to be symbols of many blessings in my life. Lately there have been many, many wonderful butterflies outside of our front window, and they have been reminders during these past weeks when I have been so down that God loves each of his children here on earth and does not forget us, ever. We may feel distant from Him, but if we keep our hearts open we will always be able to feel His love.

My heart goes out to all of you who are a part of this discussion. When I was a little girl I wantedo to grow up and be a dragon rider because then I could conquer any challenge. Today I see challenges as the dragons of my life, and realize that I have become that dragon rider, and I see each of you as a companion riding his or her own dragon. We may feel alone, we may be understood, but with the help of God's butterfly blessings and the strength we have developed in order to conquer the dragons we have faced, we are powerful enough to know that the life on this earth is but a short journey in life which is eternal.

China and Roxie43 like this
marylynette

Posted by @marylynette, Mar 28, 2012

Somehow my one reply ended up as two below, sorry about the confusion.

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 29, 2012

Dont worry dear we can still read it. The mention of butterflies appears to be a common theme amongst several of us.
Continue to dream because we can remove the dis.....from ABILITY & still accomplish and achieve whatever we want .....
Rox

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 29, 2012

Your dear friend would be dancing amongst the stars in heaven Rox and remember that she will always be with you in your heart and dreams. God bless always Piglit

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 30, 2012

Thanks Piglit I hope she's at peace

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Mar 30, 2012

She is my dear friend now up there dancing with the angels as she was on earth an angel to everyone that knew and loved her so very dearly. God Bless Always Piglit

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, May 28, 2012

Hi Marylynette,
I hope all is well ...
Hugs,
Rox

roxie43

Posted by @roxie43, Mar 29, 2012

Its a special evening my friend in heaven! ...your favorite band and Singer Stevie Knicks/Fleetwood Mack is mentoring on American Idol. You must be dancing and I hope one of the contestants sings "Stand Back!".
:-)....

China and Roxie43 like this

Please login or become a member to post a comment.