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Suicide Depression Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Posted by @foreverhislove, Sep 5, 2011

My brother in law shot himself in front of my husband and youngest son. Both suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. They suffered from flashbacks, nightmares, sweats, depression, anxiety, anger or outright rage. October 6, 2010 my husband shot himself and my son saw his father in the car. Our lives have not gone on we don’t function, we just try to survive from one day to the next. How do you go on after a loved ones suicide? Our faith now is questionable, there are to many uncertainties, too much anger, at my husband and brother in law at God. For me there was no closure, no answers as to why, too many what ifs and blaming ourselves. How do we go on, how do we get past this? Is there life after suicide for the survivors? or just an empty existence?


Just A Grandma

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Joined: Sep 05, 2011
Posted by @justagrandma, Sep 5, 2011

Bless you….Life goes on, whether we feel we want it to or not. I can only imagine what your son (and you) are feeling and can understand the shut down. I don’t know if this will be any help, but perhaps….

Here is a small part of it that tells my story…you are not alone in hurting…there are many others, but there are things in life worth living for…your son for starters. At times like these, faith in God is exactly that…Faith. I too wonder at times, but have found, for me, without him, I simply fall apart….I hope you will take time to read and perhaps find something that may help you…it is a work in process.

One day, upon being asked, “How are you?” A woman responded, “I have been told all my life, when someone asks how you are, you should politely respond, “Fine. Thank you and you?”…or something similar as people really don’t want to know your troubles. Today, I would like to have just a few moments of your time in hopes that perhaps my story will help you in some small way now or in the future.”

“I am a wife, of almost 30 years, and friend, of almost 35 years, who has found herself separated from her husband and friend the past couple of months. I am a mother with 3 sons, of which 2 are in jail at the present time. One is there because of being irresponsible and not paying legal fines in a timely manner. The other is there because of being accused of molesting a 4-year-old little girl. I am the grandmother of that beautiful 4-year-old little girl who can be quite the eloquent storyteller. I am the mother-in-law to a young woman who could have unknowingly led her daughter into such an accusation because of unresolved issues herself. You see, she carries a fear that her daughters not go through what she did as she was molested by 2 different family members when she was a child herself…one of which, no one believed her when she told…the other recently confessed to the police and she would not press charges. Sadly, she has never been able to close either door and has cried upon my shoulder many times about these incidents through the years we have known each other.”

“I am having a very hard time comprehending what has been set before me and have none of my own strength left. Each day, God is my strength. He picks me up, puts me on my feet and begins the process of putting one foot in front of the other so I can accomplish something besides being consumed by this darkness that seems to have taken over the life of my little family. I used to wonder what it must have been like to be Mary…I think I understand now…but with none of the glory.”

“I hope, in some small way, my pain might bring you comfort in a time when you yourself may be faced with what you consider a “Bad Day”. I pray you will remember God is your strength when you think you have none left. So, in answer to your question, I pose one of my own in response…

How do YOU, think I am today?”

PS For me, God is the name that represents all that is good in this world. I choose to have faith in what is good even though I have seen so much bad.


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Posted by @foreverhislove, Nov 18, 2011

Thank you again for sending me to that site!


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Posted by @2, Sep 7, 2011

My heart goes out to you. You and your son have been in my thoughts and prayers ever since I read your post.


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Posted by @foreverhislove, Sep 11, 2011

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers I appreciate it.


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Posted by @strikerfickel, Sep 22, 2011

i can kind of relate my best friend died a year and a half ago and he was addicted to heroin and he was 3 months sober and he was living with his aunt for awhile and invited me to a bbq with his family and my mom wouldnt let me go im sure that broke his heart and then i started hanging out with someone for the whole summer instead of him because he smoked me out and i hung out with him once like a week before he died and i blame myself for his death and always will i had a ‘dream’ even though i didnt think it was a dream he called me at 3am and i picked up and no one answered so i just hung up but im pretty positive he was oding and wanted me to save him and i saw it on cops someone oding on heroin and he was there for 4 hours and then they found him and saved him and all before this i was absolutely tortured all throughout middle school getting called every thing from faggot to whatever they could think of i got white washed ketchup throw in my face and now all i hear daily is faggot loser whatever im just reliving it and its driving me crazy…


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Posted by @foreverhislove, Oct 1, 2011

Hang in there. My son and I are doing a bit better for now. We have bad days but with God’s help we’ll be fine. I will hope and pray for the best for you. If you’re still in school just remember it won’t last forever. Try to do your best and ignore the fools that bust on you. Have faith and know that it’s true that what they do to others will come back on them. Find someone you can talk to – a teacher, a counselor, even someone at crisis intervention or call a hospital emergency room if you need someone to speak to. There are always people out there that will listen. So if you find yourself having thoughts of hurting yourself please don’t there are people out there that do care. The pain of loosing a family member to suicide are totally devastating and hard to overcome. Remember this – we are all God’s children and God doesn’t make mistakes. We all have a purpose in life. We all have a reason for being!!! God doesn’t make losers, he created us all to succeed and it’s up to us to decide if that’s what we want to do. Have faith and SUCCEED!!!! I wish you the best!!!


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Posted by @katnip, Oct 1, 2011

Having been a PTSD survivor of l4 yrsI feel like I might be able to help you make sense of everything…..I asked my psychiatrist once if I will ever find closure or
an end to this insanity. He looked me in the eye and said “we don’t always
find closure, that sometimes we just have to accept things and put them in
perpective.” When he told me “no” something clicked and I realized that there
is no closure for traumatic events…..and I was able to accept the nonsensical
for some reason for the first time. Don’t ever let a psychiatric specialist make
you feel foolish or dismiss your concerns and don’t forget there are a lot
of phsical problems that accompany a diagnoses of PTSD. Make sure your
son always knows you’re there to talk to and be sure to tell him that his
father and uncle are together in heaven. About my 5th year when things
were really bad, I had an out of body visit and that person (a young girl)
told me everything would be okay (at least financially) and the next day
I woke up from my dream like state where I was just going thru the motions.
I didn’t even know I was sleep walking but my doctor said it was “textbook.”
There area lot of things your doctor won’t tell you to expect and I think that’s
wrong but I understand the don’t want to “plant” the suggestion but I’ve been
thru it all. Only recently have I felt as though I’m coming out of the clouds –
I can also tell you that all that medicine they put you on is good for you I
guess for a while but ultimately it will hurt you. Ican’t stress enough that
you need to find somebody who is a specialist in PTSD and EMDR if
possible. Good luck, I’m rooting for you and your son…..


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Posted by @foreverhislove, Nov 18, 2011

Thank you so much for responding to my cries for help. I’m so worried about my son. He has so much anger and we’ve all had a hard time dealing with everything. We all just keep thinking the what if I had done this or that and blaming ourselves. When I think things are starting to get better things seem to go back to the beginning again. Sometimes I think I’m doing better and others I’m close to signing myself in for help. It doesn’t help that so much else is going on in our lives that’s also bad. My cousin’s husband and my aunt’s husband both died of cancer leaving three widows in the family in less than a year. Our landlord didn’t get along with my husband so it was no surprise to me that he evicted us just before the one year anniversary of my husbands death.

As for my sons problems his anger is escalating, he punched holes in his bedroom wall, which the landlord was also very mad about and which added to our eviction. He gets angry with our dogs, and with me and yells a lot. My husband shot himself in our car and we chose to just junk it, we couldn’t deal with it any other way. We’re having nothing but problems with my son’s car. It’s costing us more to fix it than what the car is worth which all adds to his anger. He abuses pain medications and told me he has a problem and after we get settled in an apartment he’s going for help. Hopefully he can get all the help he needs.

We are just leading non-existing lives so I understand the sleepwalking. We get up in the morning – afternoon – evening – whenever, and don’t really do anything all day – just sleep and breathe. A friend of my sons comes over once in a while and he heard my stomach growl and asked if we ate today I said I didn’t know and after thinking about it I realized we hadn’t. He cooked us something to eat. We have been basically surviving on hot pockets, and ready made meals we can microwave we don’t feel like eating let alone cooking.

I know what PTSD stands for but not all the symptoms and EMDR i have no idea what it is.

katnip —– please reply back to me I would like to continue with talking to you. Until now I have felt very alone in all of this. Thank you again for responding. May we all be blessed and helped through all of our troubles!

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