Stage 4 Colorectal Cancer and much much more...

So sorry for what your husband and you have been going through ! What an ordeal ! How I wish I had some magic to help you—but, is it possible you can get some help for respite so you don’t lose the health you have…a little relief there could help a lot ! Maybe there will be some rays of hope when the doctor chooses how to tackle this difficult case- they have some amazing tools and people often get 2nd opinions to be sure all the best options are under consideration- no diss to your doc, could even help him/her. Wishing you any possible relief, to begin to get some wins ! My heartb and prayers are with you .

@nycmusic Thank you very much we truly do appreciate it!

Life has challenged you in the most unbelievable way.You are an angel who has descended straight from heaven,to be writing about your ordeals and challenges without any bitterness.At least for your sake,I really wish and pray your husband must get better health and share a calm and comfortable life.

@premi Awww, thank you so very much for those kind and sweet words.

@warriorwife1981, just wanted to check in. How are YOU doing?

Not freaking good I am sad and ashamed to report. Today, at this point, I feel like I am losing myself really. Mother-in-law is driving me absolutely crazy!! My husband just had another CT scan on July 21st. We won't technically know anything of course until his head oncologist looks it over and he goes in for his next infusion on 7/28. I looked at it, some stuff is stable while now there's mention of a Parastomal Hernia measuring 8.0 × 3.7 cm. He already had double hernia repair surgery in April 2024!! Also there's some lymph nodes that have grown in size. If it weren't for having to care for & honestly just put up with his grumpy, argumentative, she's always the victim, only thinks of herself and today I overheard her talking with a friend on the phone saying " I don't know when they are going to let me go home, he's gotta let me soon because I need to." I heard her and said actually it is not us making that decision, it's your doctors. She in a bitch tone said " What doctor", I replied " All of your doctors and also every specialist that you've been referred to and seen." She just mumbled talking smack to her friend back to her room to close the door & spread her crazy lies in solitude!! Also thank you so much for asking me how I am doing.

@warriorwife1981, oh gosh. I'm just catching up with your recent post now. That's a lost to manage with your mother-in-law and dealing with the unknowns of your husband's condition.

You might appreciate the support in this related discussion:
- Caregiver for stroke patient: Anyone experiencing burnout?https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/caregiver-3/

I think you had an appointment with your husband's oncologist recently to go over the results of the CT scan. What did you find out? What's next?

@colleenyoung We did they scheduled out 3 more infusions of the Herceptin, they're every 3 weeks and for him to continue to take the Tucatinib oral tablets, 2 of them twice a day. Then he wants another scan next month to compare to the most recent ones and see where we're at then. It just feels like we're stuck in an under-toe that continues to pull us down under the water. The oncologist had explained to us at the beginning of this journey, it will not be an easy fix, to not expect that he'll do chemo & then be good to go. He says that their best hope is if & when the cancer is shrank enough for surgery it will be an extremely long difficult painful process. Where they must cut him open him through his "tant" perineum area, remove the j-pouch, his bladder while creating a urostomy to add to his ileostomy he'll have forever. Take out tumors and it will also involve a plastic surgeon to remove a strip of flesh from his stomach to sew back over the perineal area. I am petrified of this surgery. At this point he's already had so many & been cut open too many times in my opinion. I have yet to come across ANY other case which involves all of the different parameters that he's going through. I just want to see/read any other person's case that's remotely similar. It would be good to hear a great survival story ya know.

@warriorwife1981 I can give you a huge virtual hug ❤️‍🩹 I wish I could share some experiences from my stage 4 cancer that are similar to your husband’s to help you both. Nothing similar other than understanding the uncertainty, the fear, the anxiety around treatments and the hard slog of going through the treatments. And how much it all takes out of you and those who love you and support you.

To have your MIL and her attitude in the mix is amazing.

I wonder if it might help posting in some other sub groups on the different aspects that make up your husbands current battles to piece together parts of the puzzle? Hopefully in another sub group you’ll find someone closer to your husbands situation.

All I can also say without helpful experience myself to share is that you need help stat with your MIL! As if you didn’t have enough to deal with handling your husband’s needs! You’re the only one keeping the train on the track and if you go down, well …..

Can you talk to any of her friends and see if they can help have her to stay to give you all a break? Does your husband have any other family who can also provide meaningful care and support to your MIL? We’re going through something similar with my father who has early to mid stage dementia and we need to spread the responsibilities as they can be heavy even when he doesn’t talk smack about us!

Watching our 18 month old grandson at the moment and he just made his Grandma a "present ".