Some Helpful Tips for Caregivers

I have posted this before, but I have added to it and improved it. I thought some new members that have joined us on this difficult journey might benefit from it.

I will share some tips I have picked up, in order to pay it forward!

1 - Contact a Certified Elder Law attorney and get all of your documents in place. Specifically, Durable Power of Attorney, Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care, Living Will, HIPPA Authorization, and Last Will and Testament. Get them done for your dear spouse and for yourself, so 10 documents total. Get them done right now. Pick up the phone and make the appointment. The hardest part about this is starting it, and deciding who will be your power of attorney, but now is the time. This is the most important thing you can do.

Side note: What is the difference between power of attorney (POA) and durable power of attorney (DPOA)? Simple explanation: The POA is in force when you are able to make decisions for yourself. Perhaps you go out of town alot and need a family member to be able to sign documents in your absence. This expires if you become incapacitated. A DPOA remains in force if you are incapacitated. You want the DPOA, for yourself and for your spouse with dementia. Both POA and DPOA expire upon your death.

2 - Adult Day Care. This has been wonderful. My sweet wife now goes there Monday through Friday, which allows me to keep working. This has been a godsend and has been the second most important thing that I have done. If you are like me and need to continue working, this will save your career. Also, let your HR department and your boss know what is going on - your company will probably work with you on this. Don't carry this alone!

3 - Tile bluetooth locators. These little tiles attach to things like purses, wallets, keys, etc. Through an app on your smartphone, finding these items is much easier. It's not a perfect system, but it has been helpful.

4 - Arlo/Ring cameras. When I was still able to leave my wife here alone, I could see if she left the house. Cameras are mounted at front and back doors. Through a phone app, I can also see any visitors - the mail carrier, friends, etc. I had to go to work while my wife waited at home for a therapist. My wife would not open the door, so I called her to tell her who was there, and it was safe to open the door. There are many camera brands, and they are worth every penny. Update - I cannot leave my wife alone anymore, but these cameras were very helpful during the phase when she could still be alone for a while. Sadly, we are past that stage now, so the cameras are now simply our security system. Win-win.

5 - Marker board. I write the day and date on it. Not sure she reads it, but I do point it out to her. I also mark the date of her last shower and teeth brushing.

6 - Stove disabled. The stove and microwave we bought a while back has a lockout function. Basically, you need to input a key sequence to lock/unlock it. Check yours - you may be surprised to find this capability. Remove the burner knobs and put them on when you need to cook on the stovetop.

7 - Remove the sink and bathtub stoppers from the kitchen and bath. Seems simple enough, but my wife would place a stopper in the sink and fill the sink with water to do the dishes. Imagine if she walked away! I just got rid of the stoppers and left only the strainers there. She can't fill the sink now, and no danger of overflow.

8 - Remove medications from view. Since I manage her medicine anyway, there is no need for her to see it.

9 - Shower time. My solution has been to do this first thing in the morning, never at night. And I simply suggest that I need help in the shower, for myself. This gets her in the water. So far this has been working.

10 - Put dangerous items out of reach and out of sight. Things like knives, tools, and weapons are obvious, but there are other items you may not have thought of right away. Nail clippers, scissors, nail files, etc. When you do think of them, put them up right away.

11 - Incontinence Care. This is a tough one, but bear with me. Keep a supply of pull-ups, and if you need to help your loved one, do it gently and with kindness. Talk about something pleasant and make them feel loved. Don't fuss over it. Also, take them to the restroom every two hours to prevent accidents. Going out? Always have a supply bag with you and keep one in the car. Helping your loved one in a public restroom - try to find one-at-a-time restrooms. These are a godsend. Even Johnny-on-the-Spots are ok, since they are private, and you can help. The least favorable situation is Men's or Women's restrooms with multiple stalls. I generally will take her with me into the Men's room, and head straight for a stall. Announce that you are caring for your loved one if needed and go on in whichever one makes sense for your situation. It has not been an issue, but it does take some assertiveness.

12 - Get outside. You will be surprised how much good the sun, wind, birds, and even rain and clouds will do for your dear loved one. They are trapped inside their dementia mind, and you can give them moments of sunshine and joy. And it will help you too. If your loved one can still get around, take them on a walk. Every day, give them the gift of fresh air.

Bonus tip - at mealtime, I never serve her drink with her meal. I either give her the drink before or after the meal. It also helps to cut servings into bite-size pieces and mind the temperature of hot food. If steam is rising, it is probably still too hot.

Dementia is a progressive disease, and these helpful tips serve as stopgaps for a time. They will help you keep your loved one at home with you longer, maybe even years longer. They will also make caregiving safer and just a little bit easier. Please share any simple tips you have, no matter how small.

These are some of my tips. I am really struggling with the emotional turmoil of losing the woman I married to this horrible disease. These tips help me with managing her, but I am still heartbroken and lonely. Thank you for being there.

With Love,
Bill2001