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Merry, Volunteer Mentor
@merpreb

Posts: 1599
Joined: Feb 07, 2018

Shaming is shamefull

Posted by @merpreb, Sat, Jan 19 10:37am

Hello- I bring up this topic because of a recent post that was aimed at me. To me shame is when a person says a painful or distressing or humiliating thing that brings on the horrible feeling of distress. It's a painful and very powerful emotion to have and to make someone feel. It's a feeling that one person makes another person feel to make them feel responsible for a certain behavior that results in something negative. For instance when someone once tried to tell me that I was responsible for getting cancer because I smoked. I certainly didn't pray or wish to be a cancer patient. No one wants cancer even if they take chances that could lead to it. No one has the power to willfully change their cell structures to multiply beyond control.
Some of us have experienced shame, guilt and bullying for one reason or another. I hope that you will share your insights on this so we can get a better understanding of it. To me a person does this to make another person feel small, for whatever reason. They feel powerful and in control of the situation.

REPLY

All of us have experienced thus. Having lived a life of being shamed I find I do not tolerate it well now. Took me years to realize the power of being shamed has had in my life. It helped the one shaming by giving them power in some way.
Thank you for presenting this topic.

@parus– I'm familiar with your story and every time you tell it my heart sinks further and further. You might not realize the strength it took to get beyond that and be the person you are today. You are respected and liked a lot on Connect. You need not let that influence you any longer.

@merpreb The progress I am making has taken hard work. Encouraging when progress is noticed by others. I have received more help here by reading about others who are also courageous in their journey. There is kindness and caring which means so much to so many. Glad I have continued to be a part of the connect community. We are a team!!

@parus, Well said, "Yea Team Connect!"

First think about people who say hurtful things to you. You dont have to take on their words.vwhat kind of people are they anyway. Not someone you want in your corner vyou have thevpower Others opinions doesn't matter. To me shame is saying and believing you are a bad person. Watch YouTube videos of Brene Brown She has excellent insight on this. You can read her books too.
No one deserves to be sick. People who aren't sick don't realize how lucky they are. Remember to fight, build a good support system and practice gratitude.

The way I see it, there are 2 sides of this coin. My oversimplified brain looks at it like this …
From the "sender" side of things, people should be sensitive/compassionate/empathetic to others. When we do this, we have control over when and how things are communicated. Unfortunately, we have no control with regard to how other people communicate. As a "receiver" of things, we have control over how we interpret and respond. It is a choice that certainly has consequences, both bad and good. We can choose to assume the best of people, that their intentions are not to hurt us. The upside is that, in general, we'll be happier because most people don't really want to hurt us. The downside is that we'll get whacked up side the head from time to time. On the other hand, we can choose to assume that people are intentionally trying to hurt us. The upside is that we won't get hurt as much, as we will tend not to interact as often. The downside is that, in general, we'll likely be lonely. I choose to take the "risk" and assume the best in people, at the expense of getting hurt from time to time. If I do get hurt, I let the other person know. If it happens repeatedly, I simply stop communicating with them. I choose this approach to human interaction intentionally, as I've found that if I do, I'll be much happier. And I'm all about being happy.

I appreciate the way you look at both sides of the coin on this one, @mickj.

@parus

@merpreb The progress I am making has taken hard work. Encouraging when progress is noticed by others. I have received more help here by reading about others who are also courageous in their journey. There is kindness and caring which means so much to so many. Glad I have continued to be a part of the connect community. We are a team!!

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@parus– Yes we are!

@merpreb

@parus– Yes we are!

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@merpreb Mornin’ girl! All ice and snow here. Taking a break from the pens.

Good morning- Sleeting here. We all need a break!

The SE Michigan area looks like a frozen tundra this morning😢 It is all of five degrees here (shiver, shiver).

Liked by Parus

@hopeful33250 11 degrees here with lots of sun sparkling from the trees and shrubs that are heavy with ice from freezing rain yesterday. Also snow on top of ice. All snuggled in here in my woman’s cave. 😊

@parus

@hopeful33250 11 degrees here with lots of sun sparkling from the trees and shrubs that are heavy with ice from freezing rain yesterday. Also snow on top of ice. All snuggled in here in my woman’s cave. 😊

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Sounds like a safe place to be, @parus!

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