Roxie: Thank you for your encouragement & caring. I am grateful for this venue where others UNDERSTAND!!! AND no one is telling me I shouldn't, mustn't feel the way I do. It is good that you can just listen to me howl & open your heart to hear the pain & know what I mean. I do see a psychiatrist & she is a dear. I am trying a medication that I haven't had before (thought I'd been through them all these many years!). Cymbalta - have you heard of it, tried it yourself, know anyone who has???? I've only been on it for 2 weeks, so it is too early to tell if it will be effective. I was looking at your health interests - we are the same except for the sleep apnea. I very much admire your phrase: "Humbled by my illness buy never ashamed." This is such a good attitude. Much of the time I am saying to myself, "I am a loser because I am depressed, and I am depressed because I am loser." That is the disease talking. It steals away your self esteem. Keep in touch. Let us "keep on dancing" despite the DARKNESS.