Mayo Clinic Connect
I have to sisters. I had my knee replacement done 8 weeks ago. And my sister has the audacity to say I’m weak and I have a low pain tolerance.
Has anybody had this type of reaction from family members.
@iloveoliver I am sorry you are not getting the consideration you should be getting. My family was very supportive, but all families are different and have their own quirks. I am thinking you may be young so your sisters have not known many people who have gone through this. It is a tough recuperation for more people than not. When they know more people with these surgeries they will probably realize it’s not a simple thing.
Thanks so for the support. I’m 64. My sisters are 63 and 59. I’ve had both hips replaced (2005 and 2007) and my right knee replaced in 2017. Neither has experienced anything like this except for childbirth.
Liked by JK, Alumna Mentor
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@iloveoliver I am sorry you have this problem with your sisters. I do understand. I am 62 years old and have a twin sister. I have had many surgeries in my adult life, including a RTKR 8 weeks ago.
I have given birth to three children, with one pregnancy being traumatic due to gestational diabetes resulting in a 10-1/2 pound baby. The complications were dangerous and downright painful. My second child was a preemie due to a blood infection I had and tranfered to her. Her NICU stay was scary and exhausting. My third child was a breeze, and a good thing, too, because escrow closed on our house the day she was born. I had to check us both out of the hospital AMA and go home and move. Three days later we were all moved into our new place, and luckily the youngest was an easy keeper. All's well that ends well.
I suffered from extremely symptomatic fibroid tumors for 25 years. I had 2 surgeries where large fibroids and numerous uterine polyps were removed before finally having a hysterectomy at the age of 47. I have suffered from SSHL resulting in total deafness in my left ear. I have had malignant melanoma. I have had an appendectomy and a tubal ligation. I have LVH (left ventricular hypertrophy) and some days my blood pressure is scary high and then suddenly it plummets. Those days are hard because when BP goes so high and then drops so fast it makes me feel bad while it happens.
Prior to my TKR I had 2 failed knee surgeries on that knee. In 2016 I took a bad fall and broke my left ankle in addition to breaking my head open in two places and getting a concussion. For several months, my already struggling right leg had to become my "good" leg.
In April of 2017 I actually almost died due to an autonomic nervous system collapse.
I am currently dealing with a painful case of trochanteric bursitis in my right hip, and painful tissue damage in my right thigh from a too tight tourniquet during my TKR. My PT for the new knee is quite painful, but I have to do it. Luckily, the new knee is doing great.
I have lateral scoliosis and cervical lumbar stenosis. Pain is the name of the game, day and night.
I own a retail store and work full time doing everything but unloading trucks and cashiering. I can't just give up because my long time employees are like family to me and need their jobs. The business also provides health insurance for all of us.
My twin has never been in a hospital in her adult life. She and I used to own the retail business together, but in 2011 she just walked out one day. No notice, no explanation, just gone. She lives with an employee who still works for me, so he's one of the people who really needs his job as part of a single income family. Obviously, my sister needs his income, too.
My twin never had a fibroid or any female trouble in her life. When I would be at work suffering terribly from fibroid pain and other symptoms, she would be the one who went home sick. She would literally pull her theatrical suffering in such a way as to absolutely let me know she was mocking me. And wouldn't you know it? My hysterectomy cured all of her female issues? A true miracle.
The only times she could never "steal" my symptoms, and have them way worse than I did, were my pregnancies and my cancer.
After my TKR, every chance she got she'd send me articles about the people who had miraculous recoveries. Many of those stories were about people far younger than I am who had excellent health to begin with and had not had the deformity I was dealing with (valgus knee) due to the length of time between injury and the last and finally successful surgery, the TKR.
She tells other family members that I'm faking or malingering and implies that I'm just lazy. I wonder how she explains the fact that even after my TKR and my hysterectomy I was back to work part time in less than a week in each instance, and full time by the 2nd week?
Her house is so hoarded that she actually had a fire because an electrical outlet sparked in a room that was so full of junk that the junk smoldered for hours before finally bursting into flames. My house is always clean and orderly. Twenty years ago she would tell people the only reason my house was clean was because it was brand new. Well, it's not brand new now, but it's still clean.
I'm baffled by the venom she feels toward me. The night she had the house fire, she called me from her driveway. I got to her house so fast I think I broke a record. I was crying the whole way. When I got there, she was very calm and collected. She said the fire might be a good thing because now all the mess could be cleaned up!!
She always lands on her feet, and I will admit I wish I shared her good health. I don't resent her for it, but I do resent the way she downplays anything that has ever been or is difficult for me.
Whey my husband filed for divorce to marry his girlfriend (my kids were 2,4,& 6 at the time), I was extremely upset. I told her I was upset, and she was shocked. After all, look who I'd been married, to. As if because he turned out to be a jerk meant getting divorced from him was no big deal. When years later her husband left her for someone else, she sure thought that was a big deal, and she didn't even have three little kids. She landed on her feet again, though. In less than 2 months, her new boyfriend, our employee, moved in with her.
I'm so sorry for the rant. Your story really hit home. I am currently seeing a wonderful therapist who is slowly putting things in perspective for me and teaching me to not give so much credence to the way my sister treats me. I hope you have someone who can do that for you. Let me know if you ever want to talk about your situation. I'm happy to listen. Hang in there. All of us here know you aren't weak with a low pain tolerance. You had a big, painful surgery and you're dealing with it. Hang in there!!
Give them a nice middle finger, and let go. It’s hard enough to get well after knee replacement, and if they don’t see the pain, effort, and challenges, tell them to stuff it until they have experienced it. Unless you depend on them for daily help, (and even then), tell them politely to shut their mouths.
Liked by Debbra Williams, Alumna Mentor
@iloveoliver Again, I am very sorry that your sisters simply do not understand the ordeal you are dealing with. It's not easy for most people. You can't control other people and obviously, they are not very sympathetic types. You can only control how you handle their lack of concern and sympathy. You really do not need that kind of negativity. I assume that other than that you had a good relationship with your sisters. If you did, just put this behind you and move on. I think the last thing you would want would be an estrangement with them. My sister was very good to me, as much as she could be from 45 minutes away. I have other relatives though who even when I had a very serious, life-threatening condition, thought that their minor problems were more important. No family is perfect, and I think perhaps more these days, many people are extremely self-centered.
I hope your recovery will be swift and you will be back to your normal life soon.
I won’t let it get to the point of not talking. Our family is estranged from my niece for about 5 years. She just recently had a baby. She’s not told her mom and dad. My one sister carried a lot of bitterness because of the estrangement. My mom passed 2 years ago. I was the closest because I wasn’t working and would take her to doctor appointment, get her hair done, go for coffee and take her shopping. I miss her like crazy. I think you’re right about people being more self centered
Liked by JK, Alumna Mentor, connie1559
I do see a therapist. She’s been a great help.
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