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reimamy
@reimamy

Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 29, 2018

Rejection from a donor’s perspective

Posted by @reimamy, Mon, Jan 29 5:15pm

Hi All,
I’m a kidney donor who donated to a relative with whom I was not especially close prior to the surgery 5 1/2 years ago. Everything has gone great until recently when my recipient had a rejection scare due to an infection that wasn’t clearing up well. Honestly I haven’t thought about rejection much since before the donation, but I find myself thinking a lot about how I’ll feel if the kidney fails sometime in the future. I find that the scare has brought up some feelings of worry about the recipient’s health but how I’m feeling is hard to explain. While I know the recipient is ok and the kidney is no longer in danger I feel kind of guilty. Like if the kidney fails I will somehow be responsible for it by not having given a “good” kidney. Are there any other donors who have experienced an organ rejection or have any of you thought what it might be like if that happens sometime in the future? Am I alone in feeling responsible/guilty?

REPLY

Reimamy, what a poignant post. I had never thought of this particular perspective. What a heavy burden to carry, especially since acceptance or rejection of an organ is something you cannot control. However, I respect that this feeling is very real. Have you talked to your recipient about your fears and feelings of guilt?

Did you see this discussion that @mauraacro started?
– Kidney transplant – The Journey from the Donor’s Side https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/kidney-transplant-from-the-donor-side/

Hi @reimamy I believe your situation and feeling the way you feel is normal feeling when you give. Giving is meaning love, but at the same time feeling of guilt is something work as urgent care. Doctors are there to decide and accept, so I believe but not obligatory that if you read about the situation to enrich your experience and ask your doctor about the future and the expectation of your situation and the recipient. Let the knowledge fight the uncomfortable feelings. Wish you a great life!

@reimamy, Hi, and Welcome to Connect. Thank you for bringing up this very real concern.
I am a recipient from a deceased donor. I share the rejection concern from a recipient’s point of view. I honor my donor every day with how I take good care of me out of respect for the gift he gave to me. If I were to experience any rejection, I would not blame my donor. I have already enjoyed added life years that would not have been possible with out my donor organs.
I think that I can understand the kind of guilt that you mention, sort of. You see, as a recipient, when I transplanted, I felt guilty because I received an organ, when so many others are still waiting. And, many people do not understand that point of view.

I am here if I can help any as a recipient. And I, too, am looking forward to hearing what others have to say.
Rosemary

@1000016352

Hi @reimamy I believe your situation and feeling the way you feel is normal feeling when you give. Giving is meaning love, but at the same time feeling of guilt is something work as urgent care. Doctors are there to decide and accept, so I believe but not obligatory that if you read about the situation to enrich your experience and ask your doctor about the future and the expectation of your situation and the recipient. Let the knowledge fight the uncomfortable feelings. Wish you a great life!

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@1000016352, Thank you and welcome to the transplant discussion. Your words of support and well wishes are appreciated.
Rosemary

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