~ Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ~

Posted by amberpep @amberpep, Mar 1, 2017

I was just reading the weekly digest and there is an article about PTSD. Several years ago I would have thought it was limited to those in the service, horrible accidents, things such as that. Not so ……. Several years ago my Psychologist “dropped” the word (you know how they do), and I said, ” you don’t think that is part of this whole thing do you?” He just looked at me and said …. “let’s take a look back …… only child in a totally alcoholic home, you hid under your bed hoping they wouldn’t find you, you went to dives (nasty bars) every Fri and Sat night with your parents where they sat and got drunk while, you pushed some chairs together to sleep, you saw and heard your parents battle it out over every little thing, even trying to get between them to stop it, you were locked in closets for punishment, and always threatened by your mother that “some day young lady you’ll come home and find your suitcase on the steps … I want you out of here, I can’t stand to look at you anymore.” And then he said ….. and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. You think about it and see what you think.”
Boy did that open up a bag of worms ….. my mother was never happy about or at my wedding and she made it quite obvious, always having her arms folded and a scowl on her face. When we got home from our honeymoon and went to their house after our supper, she literally sat in a rocking chair, beer in hand, just rocking with a really mean look on her face, she did not utter one word ….. it was pure hate.
So, think back after your own lives ….. probably more of us have PTSD than we realize.

I’m so sorry you had to live through this. I have buried so much, I don’t know what happened in my life. I do know I created a make-believe world. I was an only child also. There was no alcohol, no signs of fighting, nothing. Sometimes, I wish I could open up the whole thing, but I don’t know how. I have a few flashbacks, but they only last a minute. After my dad died when I was 17, I have a few more memories.

Hi liz …. Much like you, I never considered what all the chaos around me was doing to my child heart and mind. You’ll understand this …… when you’re an only child, you just “do what you have to do.” And that applies to just about everything that went on around me, and probably you too. I really didn’t understand the full extent either til I really got into deep Psychotherapy …… then started the flashbacks, nightmares, remembering things that I somehow knew but had buried deep inside. A lot of the time when the worst things were happening, I would dissociate …. meaning in my own mind I would be somewhere else. Those are the things that came back to me ….. the things I didn’t want to know. I continued to do that, unconsciously, up until the time I realized what I had been doing all along ….. and that only came through many years of painful, deep, therapy. I always said that when I got married I would never have just 1 child … it was hell; that if we could only have one naturally, we would adopt. I know some only children have wonderful childhoods, but not all of us. But you and I are survivors, and we can feel good about that. Take care of yourself.

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