Hi, anyone there?
I’ve had panic attacks for a year now. It was only once a month, then once a week then once a day. It peeked during the two months of summer, everyday at dinner time (around 5PM). I couldn’t eat until late. It has slowed down for the past couple months but now it’s very random and very SHORT! It lasts under a minute! That scares me. I mean, I sort of got used to the long ones (45 min) but now, suddendly my heart races, I’m very hot, I can’t breathe or swallow and when it stops I’m left with a migraine and I still can’t eat. I guess the swallowing problem is true most of the day now. Just like my nose has been blocked for the past month. I don’t think it’s related though.
Now when it happens my husband doesn’t move anymore. He looks up and says “breathe deep”. I know this is all due to our situation. I just moved here from France, I’m not allowed to work yet so I’m bored and sleeping on my mother-in-law’s couch, when back home I was a teacher and had my own place. However, it did start last year when my mom told me she wasn’t going to be there for Christmas. My one trauma is that she left my sister and me for three years between 6 and 9 (my sis is 2 years younger).
So I know the reasons, I just can’t stand it anymore. I avoid going to public places alone, in case it happens again. I’m terrified of collapsing and never waking up. I’m terrified no one will be there to help. It’s worse now that I don’t have any kind of insurance! I simply can’t see a doctor. I’m homeless, jobless and friendless in a town I don’t know.
Also, this is the first time I won’t be home for Christmas. I love our Christmas dinner.
A couple days ago, I tried to walk outside in the rain, naked. My husband stopped me. I just want so help. Anything.