Trauma/stress/grief of 10+ yrs came crashing down on me post-opioids

Posted by amazingteal @amazingteal, Sep 22, 2019

So I was prescribed opioids (Hydrocodone 5mg X 4 daily for over 10 years. Never took more than prescribed, never bought any off the street. during those 10 years, my husband died following a long illness so I became a widow. It has been 8 years since his death. 3 years ago I got off the meds. Since then life has been really messed up. I believe I could have joined the homeless had I not had an income. All the trauma/stress/grief of 10 + years came crashing down on me, leaving me in complicated grief. Which is a polite way to say I am really messed up. At age 78 I did not need this. I am isolating and going very slow to make sure I am choosing wisely. This is the 2nd time in my life the medical profession has harmed me. The first time was with the diet pill craze in the 60’s.

Hi @amazingteal that sounds so difficult. Here is a link to the Loss & Grief group where you can find others who have experienced similar losses: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/loss-grief/

Are you comfortable sharing why you started on Hydrocodone? Do you have other family or friends to support you as you move forward?

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Hi Ethan. I was placed on Hydrocodone by my Dr. for a spinal problem, with chronic pain. Here is this little old lady realizing I'm in this mess. I am doing better. I have been working with a therapist for some months now and am so much better. I ended up needing to grieve every trauma I ignored all my life. I now understand the homeless much more and am coming to peace again. I worked very hard and did not give up on myself. this drug is dangerous and anyone still taking it is at risk for mental illness and of course, death.

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@amazingteal

Hi Ethan. I was placed on Hydrocodone by my Dr. for a spinal problem, with chronic pain. Here is this little old lady realizing I'm in this mess. I am doing better. I have been working with a therapist for some months now and am so much better. I ended up needing to grieve every trauma I ignored all my life. I now understand the homeless much more and am coming to peace again. I worked very hard and did not give up on myself. this drug is dangerous and anyone still taking it is at risk for mental illness and of course, death.

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Hi, @amazingteal – feeling like your life is really messed up is very hard. Making sure I understand you correctly … you felt that your time on the hydrocodone 5mg X 4 daily for over 10 years, or getting off of them really made things difficult for you, or both?

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what I am saying the opioids numbed me to the point I was not processing the normal stressors in life. After going off the Hydrocodone Everything hit me at once. I did not fully feel the death of my husband. And all trauma, and stressors, and emotions all descended upon me at once. It has taken me 8 1/2 years to sort it all out.

Liked by Lisa Lucier

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@amazingteal

what I am saying the opioids numbed me to the point I was not processing the normal stressors in life. After going off the Hydrocodone Everything hit me at once. I did not fully feel the death of my husband. And all trauma, and stressors, and emotions all descended upon me at once. It has taken me 8 1/2 years to sort it all out.

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Sounds like a rather overwhelming storm of emotions, stress and trauma all at once. What helped the most in
sorting all this out, @amazingteal, after you went off the opioids and the numbing wore off?

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Hard question! It took me a while to sort things out. What helped the most is my spiritual walk. Knowing that I was more than what was happening. And finding the right therapist. I saw 3 different ones over the course of my healing. Best line from a therapist: Suffering is optional.

Liked by Lisa Lucier

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Thank you for reminding me that "suffering is optional "

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Hi, @amazingteal – glad you connected with @georgette12. I believe she may also relate to some of the loss you felt with your husband's death and have some thoughts for you in that vein. She's talked about losing her son.

@donfeld @2011panc @peach414144 have mentioned opioids elsewhere on Connect. They may have thoughts to share related to what you said about the opioids numbing you to the point you were not processing the normal stressors in life, including fully feeling the death of your husband, then going off and having everything hit you at once.

@eileenmaud @seaspray @dorisena @brightwings have spoken about losing a spouse and may relate to the grief following that occurrence.

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@lisalucier

Hi, @amazingteal – glad you connected with @georgette12. I believe she may also relate to some of the loss you felt with your husband's death and have some thoughts for you in that vein. She's talked about losing her son.

@donfeld @2011panc @peach414144 have mentioned opioids elsewhere on Connect. They may have thoughts to share related to what you said about the opioids numbing you to the point you were not processing the normal stressors in life, including fully feeling the death of your husband, then going off and having everything hit you at once.

@eileenmaud @seaspray @dorisena @brightwings have spoken about losing a spouse and may relate to the grief following that occurrence.

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My experience with losing my husband was different than most, as he was in denial about his cancer, he had dementia, and he never reconciled with me before death after a 50-year dysfunctional marriage. I had nightmares, but took no meds and had no counseling.
I am very happy, but expect to be in healing mode the rest of my life at age 84. Dorisena

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