One of the worst days

Posted by peppergirl @peppergirl, Mon, Jul 29 5:00pm

First time this has happened, know it won’t be the last, my mother just asked me “where is ..,,,”
She was looking at me and asking where I was at the same time.

Hello @peppergirl While I am very sorry to read your post, I am glad you found Mayo Connect. You are right…what a terrible and terribly tough day for you.

I've often heard of dementia being called 'the long goodbye' and I think it is because of days like this. How very sad for you, I am sure. I am so very sorry for you and your mom.

I wish I had some magic potion to help you feel better after a situation like this. 'I'm sorry' just sounds so lame…

Are you caring for your mom?

Strength, courage, and peace!

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@peppergirl
Hi there,
My situation isn’t quite the same in that my Mom recognizes me but she calls her mother incessantly asking for help. It’s very difficult seeing a parent act so differently than they did only a short time ago. I can’t hardly bear it. I have a 99 year old friend who occasionally doesn’t know who I am. Even though she eventually knows me when she doesn’t it’s difficult to deal with. I’m very sorry you are going through such hard times.
Blessings,
Jake

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@jakedduck1

@peppergirl
Hi there,
My situation isn’t quite the same in that my Mom recognizes me but she calls her mother incessantly asking for help. It’s very difficult seeing a parent act so differently than they did only a short time ago. I can’t hardly bear it. I have a 99 year old friend who occasionally doesn’t know who I am. Even though she eventually knows me when she doesn’t it’s difficult to deal with. I’m very sorry you are going through such hard times.
Blessings,
Jake

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@peppergirl This sounds like such a difficult situation for you. I’m so sorry it’s happening. Does your mother live with you? Is the confusion of who you are continuing to happen? The best thing you can do is, to take a deep breathe, and re-orient your Mom. Just say, “Mom, I’m peppergirl, your daughter. Why don’t we sit down a few minutes (or whatever).” Just keep bringing her back to the present. If you’re like me, you’ll go and cry later. It is so tough! Can you tell us a little more about your Mom and the situation you find yourselves in?

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@becsbuddy

@peppergirl This sounds like such a difficult situation for you. I’m so sorry it’s happening. Does your mother live with you? Is the confusion of who you are continuing to happen? The best thing you can do is, to take a deep breathe, and re-orient your Mom. Just say, “Mom, I’m peppergirl, your daughter. Why don’t we sit down a few minutes (or whatever).” Just keep bringing her back to the present. If you’re like me, you’ll go and cry later. It is so tough! Can you tell us a little more about your Mom and the situation you find yourselves in?

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Thanks for your kind words, my mom is either at my house or I am at her house in evening/night. We have to hire caregivers in the day. Fortunately, she was able to remember me the next day. It was the first time this had happened to me though, I know it will happen more often, the sadness of it all can be overwhelming.

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I tell my husband, “ if you forget who I am, I just hope you don’t forget that you love me”. So far, so good.

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I like that! That is a fear I have also. Let’s pray that doesn’t happen….

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@eleanorf, the very same thing happened to me with my Mother. I thought she was just being funny. No one had suspected that she had dementia. The diagnosis came as a severe shock.

We know so much more about dementia now than in the nineties, when she passed away.

Thinking of you and the sacrificial love and care that you give to your Mother.
Sending lots of cyberhugs and good thoughts your way.

Mamacita Jane

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I haven’t had that happen yet…but my mom will ask about her parents or siblings…are they home…where are they…why haven’t they called…when this happens I just say I don’t know and distract and change the subject. It hurts so much to see her this way.

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@providence1960

I haven’t had that happen yet…but my mom will ask about her parents or siblings…are they home…where are they…why haven’t they called…when this happens I just say I don’t know and distract and change the subject. It hurts so much to see her this way.

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Dearest @providence1960, I have been told by respected researchers on the subject of dementia, to "enter their world "

This does not mean that we have to lie to our loved ones whose memories are failing them. We simply enter their world. In their minds, their parents are still alive. Their siblings are at work, on a trip, or working in their flower garden.

There are many websites that give us valuable information on this subject of entering their world. I hope that you will find some peace of mind as you study these things. You are not alone. Many of us here have been through this more than a few times.

Yes, it breaks our hearts. Yes, we wish this was not happening to our loved ones. But we have this moment to make a difference in their lives. And to ours.

This determination will help us all get on the right track.

The road to peace in the midst of suffering. Let us walk this road together. Together we can make it.

Love and light,

Mamacita Jane

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Absolutely beautiful! Thanks

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@roeder, thank you. One of the benefits of severe, unrelenting pain, is the mystical, mysterious, oddly soothing ability to almost step outside this reality of pain and enter a world of the spirit. On the outside looking in.

The brotherhood of pain, which is so much a part of this wonderful group of caregivers, unites us. Gives us strength. Hope for a better day tomorrow .

Love and light,
Mamacita Jane

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@jakedduck1

@peppergirl
Hi there,
My situation isn’t quite the same in that my Mom recognizes me but she calls her mother incessantly asking for help. It’s very difficult seeing a parent act so differently than they did only a short time ago. I can’t hardly bear it. I have a 99 year old friend who occasionally doesn’t know who I am. Even though she eventually knows me when she doesn’t it’s difficult to deal with. I’m very sorry you are going through such hard times.
Blessings,
Jake

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It’s tough. My mom often asks me where are her parents and siblings…all deceased. I usually say I don’t know if they are home now or distract. It reminds me of when I was visiting a friend in a facility…there was a woman at the nursing station sitting in a wheel chair calling for her mother to take her home. So sad…it is a diabolical disease

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@peppergirl

Thanks for your kind words, my mom is either at my house or I am at her house in evening/night. We have to hire caregivers in the day. Fortunately, she was able to remember me the next day. It was the first time this had happened to me though, I know it will happen more often, the sadness of it all can be overwhelming.

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@peppergirl I’m just wondering how things are going with your mother. Have you had anymore upsetting episodes where she doesn’t know you? Please let us know how you’re doing

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