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jason

On July 26th of this year my world was picked up and

Posted by @jason in Just Want to Talk, Sep 11, 2012

On July 26th of this year my world was picked up and tossed to the side. I was working in the oilfield in North Dakota. My wife and I agreed that I take this job. I have always been in the get stuff done department. Everything I have done, I have done well. Except one. My marriage. My wife informed me of her affair in July. The emotions that have gone though me since that day, have been overwhelming. What I have learned since that day has been an enormous amount of information. Now first let me say this. I am still with my wife. I am laying next to her right now while she sleeps. I want our marriage to work, and I will change almost anything to make that happen. Second, my wife has always told me about her depression. I, being the man that I am, always said "Why? Life is beautiful!". Now I believe the emotions that I feel and have felt since July 26th are all of her hurt in her whole life. All I hear is her conflict. All I feel is her pain. Thrid, I have researced everything from saving a marriage after infidelity to how to tell your children about divorce. ( I only glanced though that for I have only began to fight.) Then my wife went to a family counselor. She told me the next night that her symptoms sound a little like Bipolar. So I researched Bipolar.
I have known this woman for 24 years. Have been together for 14 years and have been married over 10 years. I know this woman better than her own Mother.
I am scared. I believe she has bipolar and I do not know what to do. She has always had mania like every 3 months or so, then she would crash. Now, after her affair, she is up, down and all around.
Now... I quit that job out of state. There was no way I could do it safely. I came home to win my wife back. I am really not right even now. These emotions still run though me, yet I can control them a whole lot better than at first.
My Question Is....
How do I stay focused and positive and not put any pressure on the one woman that I love unconditionally with these strong emotions cruising anywhere they want in me and find her help when she really doesn't want the help? We have no insurance right now and pretty much living check to check. She has even told me that she wants to die. Her pain that she feels seems to torment her from deep inside. I do not know what to do. I will not abandon her in her greatest despair. All I feel is her pain. Yet my pain is a deep betrayal that I have never felt before. I feel like I have to heal fast to help her. I feel that she may go over at any time with a mania spell. How do I get her the right help now?

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