My 15 year old daughter just told me she has been cutting herself. Any advise would be helpful. I would like to know how to handle the day to day situations so I can help her.
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Cutting is a way to release extreme anxiety and stress. The actual act is not painful during the moment. An adreniline rush or a “high”, similar to that great feeling after a workout. , occurs.
Your daughter must have a lot of stress in her life. She also may be cutting as a “cry for attention”–even negative attention. She is very young, and without professional help, will likely continue cutting.
Please take her to a professional for help
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Are you a professional or do you have a child who has done or is doing this? I intend to take her for professional help. I just found out about this a few days ago. I also want to have the opinion of parents who have experienced this. Thank you for your input.
When a child is born they have no mind to help them understand things going on around them. As they age the mind slowly begins to develop into a form of thinking. When a child is left alone too much, they are left to figure things out. Your daughter’slife is confronted by situations she can’t seem to figure out. It would appear something in the home has changed in the last few years. The first few years of our lifves creates a foundation based on genes and parental upbringing values, principles and morales, if at any time these are changed in her life, there will be an inbalance, causing her to feel out of place or confused or left out. Adolescents starts a whole new chapter for her, she needs to have a place to take her thoughts to where she will not be judged or told how to be, she needs to be guided by what she feels is right based on her personal skills. To know there isn’t a sole on this planet who has it figure out about life or teenage life. Who said. you have to walk like this, who made it a rule-clothes have to look like this, who thinks life is how other people live.—When my kids were growing up I told them “never let anybody put you in a cage.” You don’t have to dress like the other kids, you don’t have to talk like the other kids, you don’t have to be like the other kids, you have your own identity to live out, be yourself. A student who is on the honor role didn’t learn to crawl, walk, and learn a language any sooner then the student who is failing. All kids progressed at the same rate in the first few years.Where the change takes place is in the next few years before adolescents, setting them up for success as a teenager or failure. /what your daughter needs to understand is how that wonderful natural ability she had in the firat few years can be used again to over-come what ever she is strugglig with in her life. The difference between now and when she was a child, is that now she knows a conflict, problem or challenge is a bad thing. As a toddler, she didn’t know and handled everything with a fun like attitude.
I was born with a severe mental disability known today as low functioning autism and on top of that a near drowning makes matters worse to the point a psychologist tells my mother “your son is retarded and there isn’t any type of therapy for his condition.”
My psycholgist said. I don’t know how you did it, but, you ahve been able to rewire your brain.” You and your daughter needs to know what 99% of all psychologist and psychiatrist don’t know is the mind damages and can heal the brain depending on how the mind is used. I have a very strong imagination and the ability to keep my mind open to allow things to develop over time. This is something teenagers can’t do, since they are more invovled with socializing. There were many students who treated me badly and I wasn’t aware of it due to my mentaL state, later on I was able to see it and guess what these students suffered for at their own demise or on their own actions, bad people fall to their own faults with time.
One more thing stop repeating the day before, just before going to bed write everything down like a journal, do it again the next day and so on. Over time you will see your entire day are filled with habits. What is a habit? Anything you can do without having to think about how to do it. Guess what your daughter is part of your habits. Its time for you to shake things up. You were giving an imagination a birth so, use it.
My thoughts are with you.
I have personally ‘accompanied’ several young women, cutting themselves.
Without going too much into a hypothesis, I would like to offer you a website, which I have just come across myself.
Following a very interesting concept
Cutting – Self-Injury From the TEENS’s PERSPECTIVE
“I don’t think anyone wants to cut when they are being listened to.” S. Hein
I could imagine, that studying this website, could give you on one hand more information, on the other hand, it might give you a unique way of learning to understand and therefore becoming able to help your daughter in the way, she does need and would like to receive help.
By the way, the fact, that she has ‘chosen’ you as the person of trust, speaks very loud about your POSITIVE relationship to her. Sadly, very often, the parents are the ones, which learn last, if ever about it…
Give it a try, have a look at the website. You might find from there further material to go on your ‘not self-chosen’ journey.
I just wish you now all you need and would like to read more about how you two are doing in this challenging situation. Maybe I can give some more assistance with time.
Right now, feel supported!
I’m not a parent, but I am 13. I’m in the middle of depression and cutting. I don’t like cutting, but its something inside me that says go ahead. She more than likely doesn’t want either but can’t find any way. Don’t send her to some hospital now. She won’t like to be shipped off. Try getting her to stop. Or come up with interesting activitys to help her get her mind off of it. Sorry I can’t do more for you.
Did you ask her why she had done it for herself? Did you ever notice if she had a problem lately? Some teens doing that because they’ve experienced teen depression. Sometimes they’re afraid and hesitate to tell their parents because they don’t want them to get upset. As parents, you need to consult your teens and ask them what are their problems and assure them to tell their problems to you.
Here’s the article to read to help teen depression http://www.troubledteens.com/disorders-and-treatment/depression-help-for-teenagers.html.
Mari-Denise…..most of what Meena is saying I have experienced with my own daughter for the past few years. In February, she came to me and told me she wanted to die. She also told me if she couldnt get help that night, she would not live to see the next morning. I immediately took her to the hospital, and she was admitted into psychiatric care for the next 10 days. She admitted things to the counselor/psychiatrist I had asked her about many many times, but had denied to me. I also learned during this time she had been sexually abused by a boyfriend. Something I knew nothing about. If you can’t get her to tell you why she is doing this, then at least get her into counseling before it is too late. I thank God she came to me the night she wanted to die. I never would have n one she had gotten to this point with out her telling me. She was VERY good at hiding her feelings. Unfortunately this is a trait she has learned from her older sister as well as her father. I wish the best for you and your daughter.
I am a 17 year old male and I might not be a parent but unfortunately I go through that sometimes, it’s like a of dealing with stress and bottled up emotions. I would say she has a lot on her mind that makes her stressed and upset so I would suggest open communication. It might be hard at first but you should just try talking to her and examining her arms to make sure she isn’t cutting. I just wouldn’t suggest forcing her into therapy unless you really have to, I would ask her how she feels about getting treatment. Hope I helped a little bit.
My daughter is now 25, we first found out about the cutting when she was 15 years old. At that time I immediatly took her to an in patient facility, they kept her less than a week even though we had good insurance. She came home with even more aggression and acting out. She has had many ups and downs over the last ten years. After each ‘down’ she seems to emerge with a few more coping stratagies. My biggest problems with her is making sure she will stay on her meds and making sure she maintains only positive influences in her life. She was doing real well for several years and we thought we had this behind us. She went back to hanging with the wrong crowd and now I am raising her two sons 4 and 5 years old, while she gets it together again.
Your daughter must have help. Now the hard part is how to get her to want help and what kind of help to get. I feel that with my daughter, if I had been able to find her a good therapist and was able to get her to take her meds, her life may have turned out different, but these are things we may never know.
This post is of course a Readers Digest condensed version of our journey. Just know that there are people who can relate. I am not expert by any stretch of the imagination, but if you have questions or just need to vent, please feel free to contact me.
you can take Melatonin over the counter your body already makes melatonin maybe just not enough it is a safe way to help you sleep
I also cut myself when I was 15. Partially it was a way of punishing myself because I didn’t feel worthy. I felt like I had no friends, that I wasn’t good anything, and to make it worse my boyfriend had broken up with me. The emotional pain was so bad, and cutting was a way of feeling my pain in a physical way.
My advice to you is to keep razors/sharp objects away from her. This sounds silly but my mom did this and it honestly helped not having a way to do it. Also, you might want to ask if she wants to try talking to someone. At the time it didn’t seem super helpful to me, but looking back I’m glad I went. Finally, just let her know that you are there for her no matter what. Tell her you love her every day 🙂 The little things help make life not seem so bad sometimes.
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