Needing household help

Hello all: Permit me to whine a little. Am so aware of some of the horrendous ailments and treatment many of you have, so please just let me vent. Did a few cleaning things today like scrubbing the burned on grime on "one" burner of my gas stove. I obviously don't have my monthly housekeeper any more due to finances, which is a must for those who have Fibromyalgia. Mopped one section of my kitchen floor and so sleepy, had to nap. But woke up with painful tight thigh muscles and I've got to start dinner soon. No matter what I do to learn, adapt etc., I cannot stand the filth in this house. My Aunt has sent me $300 3 times which I intended to hire a favorite teenager who is a whiz at helping me, and had to give all the money to my husband to pay our increaseing space rent that outstrips our income. Have had friends help years ago during 2 hip surgeries, and now those same friends are facing diffficulties of their own. We need to move out of Silicon Valley, but have no family support. And of course, we have to declultter the mess before I can hire one time my old housekeeper team. Indiana Scott has given me some household tips, and very generous in encouragement. I have about nine angry flea bites, and we put our beloved kitty to sleep one and 1/2 year ago. Place has not been vacuumed or carpet cleaned. This area went thru a hot spell twice, and I'me even finding a flea or two in our bed, probably carpet eggs that birth during a heat wave.. Yuck. Husband virtually little help. He is 79 and works 3 days a week to keep us alive along with Medicare and pays our secondary ins plus just took out dental. ins. We need hearing aids for my DH as hearing loss causes confustion akin to early on-set dementia. Also catarac surgeriy. Beautiful man who loves me, but can't/won't boil water or help me during his 4 days off. I need to see an endonotics for a failed root canal, self esteem for being in am pain so long, can't get out of bed til meds kick in about noon time.(The whole spinal schmoo, bulging discs, herniation,spinal stenois, you name it. We have been written up by our mobile park authorities for repairs, am mad that my husband won't share time or funds to help declutter this house, We need to put it on the market and find a 55+ housing out of area or state. Miss the gardening I use to do. I am not a dirty person by nature, but filth collects filth like moss. Scott teases me about dust bunnies. Don't have any in our home, everything is carpeted and no pets. :-). Ok, I'm done, thanks for letting me vent. No angry retorts PLEASE. Victorious69.
P.S. Also need dental surgery for failed root canal. Ins covers this after one year. Standing on God's promises and trying to keep hope alive. 🙂 Got to go to a dental college far away soon and still cough up some funds.

Hi, @virtuous69 -- it's absolutely fine to "whine a little," as you called it, or just honestly let things out here as you did -- whatever you need. That's what this community is for -- to tell what's really going on and then experience the support and help of your friends here, other Connect members.

I'm sorry about these trying financial times and the struggles to keep up with housework with your fibromyalgia. Sounds challenging to work with the fatigue that crops up when you are doing work around the house. You are to be commended for trying, despite this.

You mentioned that you need to move out of Silicon Valley, but that you have no family support. Did you mean emotional support for leaving the area or physical support to move all your things?

@lisalucier :. Hi Lisa,. I meant both. Did I mention District Manager told hubby he it's to retire? We still have a mortgage to pay as well as mobile home space rent. We have no family to speak of...our son can't take time to help. I have called so many social agencies. Back hurts terribly a my DH said he has not helped me in last two years like he promised because he was too discouraged. Got to get my husband to an audiologist because he's losing his hearing and we fight all the time ,next he has to go and have cataract surgery I have to go have a root canal done soon there's no money for any of this. So I'm feeling a great weight of no hope piling on top of my back. Dori

Hi, @virtuous69. I'm so sorry about the health issues you and your husband are facing and the monetary stresses these present. I'm also sorry to hear about your husband's job. That is truly difficult.

I think @jimhd and @hopeful33250, two of our volunteer mentors I believe you've met in this community, may also have some thoughts on this.

You mentioned that you've called many social agencies. Did any of them offer some help?

Hello @virtuous69

I am so sorry to hear about the multitude of health and financial difficulties that you continue to face. That is such a difficult combination.

If I understand correctly, it sounds like your husband is dealing with dementia and that he is not doing his share to help you with the household clutter. I have heard about this before. I'm going to suggest that you find a way to get some support through an Alzheimer's organization in your area. This type of problem with clutter and/or hoarding is very common with early stage dementia and they might be able to offer you some suggestions and show you a way to get help.

I might also suggest you look into legal aid clinics in your area. Before my retirement I worked in a law office and now volunteer with a Christian Legal Aid Clinic. I know that they have knowledge of many different social service agencies that could be helpful to you. They might be able to direct you in getting some help for your husband and direct you to some way to move into low-income housing which you need so badly.

I realize that these are all just suggestions but sometimes a new approach/perspective is just what you need to get some additional support. Please keep in touch with us and let us know how we can continue to support you during this time.

Teresa

Hi Dori,

I've been following what you've been writing and I wish there were some way I could help. A year is a long time to wait when you need a root canal. I remember when I was a music minister for a church in San Francisco, we had no insurance, or any money for insurance. We found a dental school close to where we lived in Daly City, and the work was done by students with supervision every day except Thursday. Thursday happened to be my day off, the same day students were in class, and a teacher ran the clinic. It was the first time I had dental work, two fillings. Maybe there's a dental school somewhere not too far from you. At least, cataract surgery is covered by Medicare, and some auditory expenses.

I'm pretty sure that there are many people who would be honored to help you around the house and in the yard. Are you acquainted with Bethel Church of San Jose? Also, I'm familiar with Stephen Ministry, and there are groups with Venture Christian Church, Wesley United Methodist Church, Alum Rock Christian Church, Menlo Church, and St. James Anglican Church, all in San Jose. I feel confident in saying that you could call any of these churches and receive assistance. I don't actually know what town you live in, but the Stephen Ministry could be a real resource for you.

I've lived most of my life quite a way below the poverty line, and lived from paycheck to paycheck. So, I know the emotions of not having enough, and looking for resources to help the money stretch. As a low income senior, we qualify for EBT, energy assistance, vouchers for fruit stands, a dental clinic, counseling services, legal aid, transportation and many other things that are available. I find help through the local senior center and the Adult and Family Services (DHS). They have a booklet with a list of senior services. We couldn't survive without these services or without Medicare. At this time of year, we supplement our food supply out of the garden and orchard. Most of our meals consist of fruit and vegetables we grow, and put fresh vegetables into the main dishes. Love it. My wife is freezing peaches and making things with the tomatoes - spaghetti sauce mostly. The freezer is getting full. It got down to 24 last night. I had covered the tomatoes, and it's going to be cold again tonight, so I picked all the tomatoes today. They can ripen indoors. Last week I made peach crisp, and when we finished that, my wife made peach cobbler. We ate the last of that yesterday. Maybe I'll make another crisp or a pie.

Well, it's late, and I have to stop and get to bed. Let me know if any of the churches are able to help you.

Jim