I spent my childhood under the roof with a highly narcissistic Dad. He took all credit for anything I did. He never said he loved me or hugged me or was ever nice to me. When I finally moved out of his house I invited him and my mom to visit with his younger brother to our condo. He criticized everything in my condo. When he got a brain tumor and died I was happy and celebrated. Im trying to heal at the age of 75 years old from my childhood experience. I’ve had various mental counseling by different people. First I tried woman and I felt good. I tried one male and wanted to kill him. I’ve experienced many anger blowups that don’t stop. Im going to try another male counselor but I’m afraid of the outcome. I take meds to help the anxiety and anger but I’m trying to improve. When I hear a phrase from anyone (male or female) that makes me insecure I blow up! I have to walk away from them so I don’t punch them in the mouth. I tried to get back into mental health sessions but I think they have blackballed me.
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@BoneHead It can be a real challenge to address the lifelong issues that arise out of the upbringing by a narcissistic parent. I commend you for wanting to do so. Finding our way through the maze of emotions, and why we react the way we do, and how to heal, is so individual!
For me, journaling out what has me reacting to things, seeing it in writing as I let me inner voice out to express things, helps tremendously. Many years ago I took an intensive workshop based on the Ira Progoff Journaling method. At one point I was doing a two-way dialogue with another person, using my dominant hand for me, and writing in my non-dominant hand for the other person's "voice". That was so eye-opening, let me tell you!
I’m feeling like a group session might be more better and safe for me. I quit alcohol 26+ years ago without alcoholic anonymous meetings. I already go to 2 men’s groups that I like. I think a mental health group might be good.
@stsopoci Then go for it! Look in your area, check with your county's mental health association for groups, or if you have a faith community to ask. Sometimes a group can be a great benefit for people, while others do not feel comfortable there. Good for you for seeking out possibilities. I look forward to hearing more from you as you move through this journey!
My mother was a narcissist too. In my opinion, forgiveness is the path to healing. I was able to heal by looking at my mother's upbringing and early childhood experiences, such as her father dieing when she was two, her mother, in her words, "giving her away" when she was seven, then coming to visit her when she was fourteen and arranging to come back the next day to take her home again. Sadly, while she was all packed up and waiting for her mom to arrive, word came that her mother had died during the night. Last but not least, marrying at the tender age of sixteen to my father who was ten years older than she was and his parents were not happy with his choice and told him he couldn't bring her to their home. So, they moved to Alabama to live with his older brother. Then, only, three months later, his father died and they moved back to help take care of his mother. As if this wasn't enough, WWII started and she was left there with people who did not care for her with a small child and pregnant with their second child. While she went to stay with the lady who had raised her from seven to sixteen to give birth to their second child, his family tore her little house down and distributed her belongings among them, as well as, writing him a letter telling him that she had left him. When she came back after having the baby, she had to go around and collect her things or as many of them as she could find and then rent a place to live nearby. All of this at only eightteen years old. After reflecting on all of this, I decided that she had probably done the best she could, especially, since she only had a third grade education and all of these experiences at such a young age probably contributed to her narcissism. So, I forgave her in my heart, mind, and soul. In my opinion, if you can do the same with your father, then you will be happier and more content that you can possibly imagine. Please don't stay stuck in the past any longer. My older sister is still stuck in the past with this issue and it is driving her crazy. So, please forgive your father and step into the light. Good luck and may God bless you and yours always.