My wife forgetting: Diagnosed with MCI

Posted by jimmars51 @jimmars51, Nov 29, 2020

She has been diagnosed with M C I for 18 months. More and more lately she will ask if we ate anything today. She very rarely cooks now and if i don’t schedule and make meals she goes without. I am trying best to stay up with everything, but its getting tough. Just need to “unload” and ask for ideas to be able to keep up. Lots more going on also.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia group.

@tunared

anyone hear of a good explanation for "sun downer's"? I've been seeing it more frequently and I'm curious why it happens? I'm thinking it's because she gets tired easier than myself. I remember my mother-in-law also going through "sun downer's" when she lived with us.

Jump to this post

@tunared Dan, here's an explanation and some tips from Mayo Clinic's Dr. Jonathan Graff-Radford
– Sundowning: Late-day confusion https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alzheimers-disease/expert-answers/sundowning/faq-20058511

The exact cause of this behavior is unknown. Interesting to note (this is just my opinion), is that young children and babies often get fussy at this time of day or evening too. I've often wondered if sundowning is related to diverted attentions. It's a time when the caregiver has put in a full day of caring and taking care of what needs to get down, supper still has to be made and patience starts to fray. Normally, it's the time when people can leave their workplace. A caregiver cannot. The person with dementia innately senses changes. Well you know the rest of the story.

Might there be something that you could change in your and your wife's routine to create extra calm at the sundown hour? Perhaps having supper made in advance or keeping it simple? What things trigger her?

REPLY

Jimmars51, my wife behaves similarly as you describe. She has been diagnosed with moderate Alzheimer's Disease. Behaviors began to appear about three years ago; diagnosed with AD two months ago. She has been prescribed a medication to help with her condition. She was told by her MD not to drive. She has accepted that restriction, albeit reluctantly at first.
Occasionally I get frustrated, especially in planning for, purchasing of, and preparing meals. I apologize for my expression of these frustrations and spend time in prayer asking God for wisdom and strength. The wisdom to remember that my dear wife cannot help being the way she is but I can treat her with respect, love, and dignity.
Thanks for expressing your experiences and feelings. Not only do I need to be ecouraged but we are here to "listen" and to encourage those caregivers like yourself. Thanks again.
I will try to remember to pray for you as well.

REPLY

After several years mci. Now vascular dementia… I shop, all meals, heavy cleaning. Wife cleans up, does dishwasher, laundry. (Mild scavenger hunt follows) I answer all repeated questions trying not to show my real feelings, joke sometimes about memory issues and keep outward positive attitude. Just as victorkach says, continuing to treat her with love and respect gets us through each day.

REPLY
@becsbuddy

@marvkw You might try senior services in your area or the Agency on Aging. They should be able to point you in the right direction. In my town, there are senior centers also, that have lots of information. Hope this helps a little

Jump to this post

Thank you.

REPLY

Thanks Colleen. Just something else I'll have to think about in the afternoon and stay close to her (but that's ok).

REPLY
@marvkw

After several years mci. Now vascular dementia… I shop, all meals, heavy cleaning. Wife cleans up, does dishwasher, laundry. (Mild scavenger hunt follows) I answer all repeated questions trying not to show my real feelings, joke sometimes about memory issues and keep outward positive attitude. Just as victorkach says, continuing to treat her with love and respect gets us through each day.

Jump to this post

Marvkw, I believe keeping everything light and joking helps minimize the anxiety for my wife (even though inside I'm wound pretty tight)

REPLY

My husband was diagnosed with MCI 3 years ago. It is so very difficult. His memory continues to slip. I work full time in healthcare and have needed to work 3 days a week from my home office now and grateful I can. He does not remember the date, month, day of week, what he had for breakfast, or how many days he has worn the same clothes. He asks me the same questions over and over sometimes within seconds of each other. He tells me it is like a curtain slowly closing before his eyes and he can't do anything about it. He cries when I need to leave the house now sometimes and is very emotional about many things. He is always afraid something will happen to me and I won't come back to take care of him. He can still do most things independently, but the memory is just not there. It is sad. I tend to stay home more and not visit nearly as much with my grandkids and kids. They try to understand, but I feel guilty leaving him alone for a few hours, and he does not want to go out anymore. Nice to have this site to help each other stay positive through this journey. He is 10 years older than I am. Still at 71 he seems too young to have this happen. It is sad. I am sad.

REPLY
@orca59

My husband was diagnosed with MCI 3 years ago. It is so very difficult. His memory continues to slip. I work full time in healthcare and have needed to work 3 days a week from my home office now and grateful I can. He does not remember the date, month, day of week, what he had for breakfast, or how many days he has worn the same clothes. He asks me the same questions over and over sometimes within seconds of each other. He tells me it is like a curtain slowly closing before his eyes and he can't do anything about it. He cries when I need to leave the house now sometimes and is very emotional about many things. He is always afraid something will happen to me and I won't come back to take care of him. He can still do most things independently, but the memory is just not there. It is sad. I tend to stay home more and not visit nearly as much with my grandkids and kids. They try to understand, but I feel guilty leaving him alone for a few hours, and he does not want to go out anymore. Nice to have this site to help each other stay positive through this journey. He is 10 years older than I am. Still at 71 he seems too young to have this happen. It is sad. I am sad.

Jump to this post

My wife was initially diagnosed with MCI back in 2014 but the progression has not been fast except for the last month. My wife retired back in 2012 because of memory issues and I retired two years later. We joined a gym back in 2014 and it has been great for her. Our old gym closed down in early 2020 but we continued going for walks in the neighborhood (3-5 miles). I really believed the activity/exercise helped delay the progression. Lately, she has been having trouble knowing where to get a glass for some water or where the knives & forks are for dinner. I’ve started emptying the dishwasher, otherwise its a really challenge to the different utensils. So far, we have been lucky and has not needed any drugs but I think that may be changing. The neurologist has recommended Aricept and I think she may agree to start taking it. Every day we agree to enjoy the day because we don’t know what tomorrow brings. We have a challenge in front of us but I don’t think we understand what that challenge really entails. If you can retire, I would recommend it so you can enjoy each other’s company while you can.
Dan

REPLY
@orca59

My husband was diagnosed with MCI 3 years ago. It is so very difficult. His memory continues to slip. I work full time in healthcare and have needed to work 3 days a week from my home office now and grateful I can. He does not remember the date, month, day of week, what he had for breakfast, or how many days he has worn the same clothes. He asks me the same questions over and over sometimes within seconds of each other. He tells me it is like a curtain slowly closing before his eyes and he can't do anything about it. He cries when I need to leave the house now sometimes and is very emotional about many things. He is always afraid something will happen to me and I won't come back to take care of him. He can still do most things independently, but the memory is just not there. It is sad. I tend to stay home more and not visit nearly as much with my grandkids and kids. They try to understand, but I feel guilty leaving him alone for a few hours, and he does not want to go out anymore. Nice to have this site to help each other stay positive through this journey. He is 10 years older than I am. Still at 71 he seems too young to have this happen. It is sad. I am sad.

Jump to this post

What a great attitude…and long-term plan. You are very smart in caring lovingly for your wife. Best wishes.

REPLY
@dianajane

What a great attitude…and long-term plan. You are very smart in caring lovingly for your wife. Best wishes.

Jump to this post

Thank you so much! You are so kind….

REPLY
Please sign in or register to post a reply.