My sister died Sept 10 & I can't begin to grieve

minnie528, there can be numbness in grief. The numbness may be protecting you from the kind of distress that might be physically harmful to you, especially as you are recovering.
I don't think it is in our ken to seek grief or to avoid it. It doesn't always come (or go) as we are given to expect. My own experience is that it takes us and we succumb overwhelming any effort try to control.
Bless your recovery.

@minnie528
I’m so sorry you have lost your sister, especially now when you are struggling with your physical pain. They say there no correct way of grieving. You do what is necessary for your well being now.
Crying will come when it does. It took me 8 years to really cry after my daughter died.

You are struggling with your health, your mine is more than likely going in “circles”. Rest your body and mind. Everything will come together when it is supposed to.

God bless you

Maybe you are telling yourself subconsciously that you must be hard and get through this major surgery with all the energy you have, probably because your departed sister would want you to get well first. You can express grief as and when you must when you feel better and can allow yourself to succumb to it. Sounds like a sensible plan. Your sister can no longer be reached to calm her, to wish her goodbye, to thank her for her friendship all those years, but she would have understood that you'd have been there in a flash to be by her side had circumstances been different. And, truth be known, you DID need that surgery rather urgently. Delaying it would have done little good for either of you, she being demented an unknowing at the time of her passing.

There will be time enough for grieving, but not until you grit your teeth and get through this. Be gentle on yourself and don't beat yourself up. She'd be cross with you.

Minnie548, I'm so sorry for your loss...
My cousin was like a sister to me. She was 8 years younger and was so funny all the time. I loved being with her. Then I moved away from her and that was hard....but we kept tight and she came to visit me a lot.
One day she was driving in her car and was hit and killed by a train........Just like that, gone from me.
So minnie548, I understand a little how you feel. One minute here, then gone. I still don't accept it. Yes, I know she's gone, but she hasn't "left" for me. That was 3 years ago. I think about her every day and things she has said to me come streaming back, so how can she be gone? I say that figuratively. And yes I know how surreal death can be. In many ways I'm still a little numb to my emotions. Don't push it. Feelings will come. You have a lot to deal with right now. Take care of yourself and let things just "BE" for a while.

My wife passed away in 2025 unexpectedly in her sleep. Married 52 years. I was in shock for about 3 weeks and felt numb for a few months. Grief comes in stages and will vary with each person. I'm now about 18 months out and doing better than a year ago. You have gone through an incredible horrible experience. Be kind to yourself and accept grief on your own timeline. Wish you the best going forward.

You are experiencing normal feelings, especially with having just gone through a major surgery on top of this loss. My mother-in-law, who was my true Mom, died 16 years ago and I still have days that the grief comes over me with no warning. I have lost 3 siblings that I was very close to, and understand that particular pain as well. Grief doesn’t progress in a straight line. It ebbs and flows on its own schedule. Lean on your Savior, he holds us tight in these times, if we let him.

I’m so sorry about the loss of your sister. Her death is very recent so your reaction is understandable. I can totally relate to delayed grief. I lost my father July 2025 after a long illness. He had Alz and his care had been challenging prior to this. Although i went through all the motions…. wake, funeral, burial, etc., it just didn’t seem to sink in. I kept saying it didn’t seem real….I visited the grave, but didn’t feel he was gone. Then, this past July…. one year later….it hit me. I had several crying episodes. Thought about so many things. The reality appeared. I think I’ve just started grieving. I suppose I wasn’t ready until now. I’m not particularly sad, but do miss him and am able to admit that.

I hope you fund comfort in the days to come. Please share as you are able. And well wishes for your recovery.

@gently I agree that the feeling of being numb to the loss is a self-care response that the body knows it is not the time to feel the deep sorrow.

I'm so sorry for your loss! You are strong to recognize that you are healing from a serious surgery. When my husband passed away last December, I had so many other responsibilities that I experienced a numbing period. But, my own health was a concern because I felt I might not recover if I were to allow myself to weep. You are in the right place now during your healing. Allow yourself to feel the sorrow, but spend your time healing with beautiful memories of your older sister. Those that make you smile, that make you feel loved and that gives you the comfort in knowing she understands. Praying for your quick recovery. God brings peace and joy in our mourning.

@minnie528, just checking in and wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you as you recover from surgery and come to terms with the loss of your sister. Sending a virtual cup of tea.