Mother with Alzheimers Dementia

Posted by tickateeboo @tickateeboo, Sep 21 11:09am

I mentioned before that my mother constantly abuses myself and my sister. (Worse on me now) as I apparently forced her into selling her home and moving her into a retirement home. She has seen a Geriatric Psychiatrist who has provided her and us with a diagnosis of Alzheimer's.
I asked my mother to please stop abusing me and her response was, you're 67 you should be able to handle it. (So she knows what she is doing)
She has extreme paranoia including claiming that the workers at the retirement home are stealing her clothes and jewelry. We end up finding everything and she claims, well I guess it didn't fit the theifs so they returned the merch.
But now every time we take her out, she wants t stop at a discount clothing store and buy new clothes. She is running out of room and refuses to donate any clothes she will never wear again....
Any suggestions, on how to stop her from buying clothes that she will likely never wear because she hides them and can't remember where she put them or in many cases now wonders how these new clothes got in her closet

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI) & Dementia Support Group.

gloaming | @gloaming | Sep 21 3:47pm

Yes, a suggestion. It's nasty, crafty, but effective: take a few of the clothes she bought months ago and never wears, and put them in a bag. When she goes to pay at the store, where you thoughtfully indulge her, you will have pre-arranged a swap with the cashier. Have the cashier put the 'old' items in the new bag, and take them and your mom home. She'll be delighted with her new purchases and you'll be her fave all over again.* Each time. 😀

*This only works if her dementia is sufficiently advanced that she'll have trouble remembering the 'purchased' items, both old and new.

gently | @gently | Sep 22 9:57am

It would be easier to be indulgent with your mom if she had been indulgently kind to you in your youth. It would be a grace in you to see her pleasure and want her to have the inexpensive clothing, and the excitement of shopping. and of something new. You might call her up and say-- Mom let's go to the goodwill and get some new clothing, You might even pay for them without losing much money.
I may not have seen your previous post about her abuse, but what you are describing the thefts, the lack of trust, the paranoia, even the unwillingness to part with what she has left are common to the disease.
Bless this tangled part of your family

kjc48 | @kjc48 | Sep 22 10:25am

I read this and I'm saddened that we have to use the excuse of abuse because of their disease, as no one should ever be abused over and over again. That makes me question, just how often you should visit her but that's probably not realistic either. I wonder whether you and your sister should just hire a companion care person (like I did for my mother), or a friend of hers? who can go in, sit with her occasionally, deal with her paranoia, so you don't have to take the continued abuse. Also, when you do go in, I wouldn't take her shopping again, unless she agrees to get rid of some of the things she already has in an overcrammed closet. She obviously, doesn't know what she's purchasing, what she has in excess that's actually creating more paranoia. Maybe with your mom, keeping it simple, where less is more, will be better and calmer for her.
Best, Karla