Made a decision, yet lump in the stomach remains

Posted by amberpep @amberpep, Nov 30, 2016

For those of you who have read my earlier posts you may remember I have struggled with severe depression and anxiety since a young teen, only finally getting help when I was almost 45. Raised in a very abusive home, everything was my fault, and I just figured that I felt bad about “being so bad.” Well, I married, got divorced after 40 years and 3 adult kids, got my own condo, and about a year ago I moved to VA to be closer to my 2 girls. My son lives in VA also but another part. I have an apartment in this town, which I won’t name, but I hate this whole area. I keep wondering where is that southern hospitality I have always heard about? Hmmmmmm……… When the housing market crashed in 2008 I lost a lot of money (an inheritance from my Dad), so now I am applying for a low-income apartment in a different area ….. about 25 miles from here. I have battled within myself about this for months ….. going back to “home” (where I lived for 30 years) and my condo, and staying down here – an area I hate. My girls really want me to stay, and at 71, I have to be realistic that I’m “no young chick” anymore. I can’t afford the apt. I’m in now, so I made the decision (FINALLY) to apply at the low-income apartment complex. This doesn’t sound like much, but moving from my MD condo, after living in MD for 30 years, to a place I dislike, was traumatic for me …. that may sound dramatic, but it’s the absolute truth. I’ve been here a little over a year now and I still miss “home.” But, realistically, I know this is best to be close to my family. Since I finally made the decision, I am going full force with trying to fit in, and the first step is to get out of this town and into the low income apts. Anyhow, I’m not sure why I felt compelled to tell you all this ….. I’ve just been filled with so much D/A that I can’t eat, am shaky and if it weren’t for my meds. and driving back to see my Psychologist and Psychiatrist every other week, I don’t think I’d be here. Hopefully, once I move, get settled, make the place “mine” …. I will improve. Right now, even though I’ve made the decision, the lump in the stomach remains.
Thanks so much for listening,

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