Long-term depression

Posted by seeker70 @seeker70, Oct 11, 2017

I have been depressed, when I think about it, since I was a kid (I”m a senior now!) I have been treated off and on with meds and minimal talk therapy, but nothing changes. In the past it has been underlying but as I grow older it is becoming more intense. People ask: ‘why are you depressed? I never get depressed, just get a better attitude’. Or they don’t hear my (probably passive-aggressive) cries for help. Or they say: ‘what do you have to be depressed about?’ Actually although I agree with these opinions to a certain extent, it does not address the problem that depression is not a ‘why’, not is it a ‘choice’. It’s almost like being gay, you just are. Maybe I should just accept it (guess that’s what I have done for decades 🙂 But I don’t want to. I want to feel better now. Earlier in my life I was able to enjoy things, although the depression would keep popping out. But now I seem to have trouble enjoying anything, including my own family, and it’s harder and harder to ‘push depression down’ once it’s popped. So I have longer periods of depression and sadness and sleeplessness and lonliness, an shorter periods of being able to enjoy my life. Or want something. Or look forward to anything. I will say too that I have as much to be happy about as I do to be unhappy – but as I said, it’s not a ‘why’. I’m looking for people to explore this idea, and to help each other begin to overcome. Or maybe it’s just me and there’s no one else who feels this way — 😉 Thank you for reading all this.

Thank you for sharing this. I found your comparison with being gay very powerful. I have in fact been trying to “understand” why I’m depressed, to no avail. I also experience friends trying to understand but who end up telling me to be positive. To my surprise, depression and anxiety have gotten worse as I get older. My fear of what will happen as I approach the final stages of life, is intensified. Worse, I am beginning to feel that these fears are completely justified and rational. I have no children or relatives here who could help me, if or when I get unable to take care of my own affairs. I’m a grateful to you and many others who share openly about their fears and sense of being utterly alone.

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@kdo0827

You’re definitely not alone. Depression is not a one size fits all. Yes there are many common symptoms but how if affects us and how we cope is very personal. I’ve been struggling for a few years now. Tried different meds, etc. I truly have zero desire to do anything. I don’t want to leave my house, go anywhere, just nothing. I’m extremely tired and just feel blah. I try and put on a happy face for my family but it’s hard. I currently take Lexapro and Remeron. I also take Methadone, Topamax, Trazadone and a few other meds. I’m finally going to see a Psychiatrist soon as I don’t feel my regular doctor can manage my depression. What meds have you tried and have you tried therapy?

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@kdo0827 I have that problem with therapists. I need to get down to the nitty-gritty and so far have gotten nowhere. Maybe there is nowhere to go. Good to hear you checked into your meds. Seems therapists are more fearful of digging into things than I am. They are all trained the same and seem to be on auto pilot. I prefer men to women, but mostly it is women and they want to mother me and that does not cut it. I have had too much inappropriate women therapists. CBT helps me the most. I am stuck in recantations from the past and cannot get the chants to stop.

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@kdo0827

You’re definitely not alone. Depression is not a one size fits all. Yes there are many common symptoms but how if affects us and how we cope is very personal. I’ve been struggling for a few years now. Tried different meds, etc. I truly have zero desire to do anything. I don’t want to leave my house, go anywhere, just nothing. I’m extremely tired and just feel blah. I try and put on a happy face for my family but it’s hard. I currently take Lexapro and Remeron. I also take Methadone, Topamax, Trazadone and a few other meds. I’m finally going to see a Psychiatrist soon as I don’t feel my regular doctor can manage my depression. What meds have you tried and have you tried therapy?

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Hi- I just did it and thank goodness I have good doctors!

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Hello and happy Friday,

I just watched this video on the Power of Positivity and I thought some of you might enjoy it,
https://www.facebook.com/powerofpositivity/videos/10154990525982371/
Teresa

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I so very very much relate to what you had to say. I am a 67 year old woman living alone. Everyday is a struggle. I know what I need to do, I just can’t.
I do not want this chapter of my life to be like this. This disease is such a lonely monster!! I want to help you feel and do better. Be glad to correspond in any manner that would work for you. I realize the same things are repeated over and over to depressed people. I am convinced kindness, caring, understanding, and encouragement play a huge role in tackling depression issues. There is no way others can possibly understand even a tiny tiny bit what a depressed person goes through. To me it seems our biggest chance for success/improvement is from other depressed people’s support and encouragement. Shouldn’t we unite and all take this on together? Even baby steps of improvement would be a start. I am available for helping anyway I can. Do not do this alone. I am alone and the road to recovery is so much more difficult without even a degree of support. So hard to hold yourself “up” every hour of everyday. By being a member of this group, I am hoping we all commit to helping everyone of us as we begin to rise from the ashes!!

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@sharlynn62

Hi Seeker 70,

By no means are you alone in your desperate wish to come out from under the dark cloud and see the sun again (this is how I visualize depression sometimes). I, too, have been dealing with some level of depression since I was a teenager. I have been taking medications (too many) for several years and seeing a therapist every week as well. Sometimes I feel so trapped in this life of misery. I also have several chronic physical problems that make it hard to live a ” normal” life and feed the depression.

I think there are two major things I want to say. One is that you must believe and let others know that depression is an illness just like diabetes or heart disease. You didn’t bring this on yourself and you can’t just “change your attitude” and make it go away. I was told to “pull up my boot straps” and get on with life, when I was a teenager and it just shows that people need to be educated about mental health. One thing I’m involved in that helps me is advocacy for people who have mental health concerns. I work on an anti-stigma campaign in my county and am involved in peer support (being with others who face similar struggles and providing support to one another).

This leads to my second point. You are very intuitive and obviously have not lost hope as you are reaching out to others for support. For me, this is one of the most important things that I can do to help with my recovery. It’s difficult, though, because I haven’t found many people of my age (I’m 55) who are interested in listening to a “boring old sad woman” (this is how I feel about myself a lot… part of my depressive symptoms include very low self esteem and negative self image). However, when I find someone who wants to listen and wants someone to listen to them, it’s marvelous and hopeful.

So, I would be glad to talk with you some more, if you are still wanting to discuss what you’re experiencing , etc. Let me know with a post here and we could possibly exchange email addresses. I often have to remind myself so I think it’s important to say this to you…You are not alone! Take care.

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I am also with you all, I have had depression since…well I remember it, since atleast 4rd grade and most likely all of my all of my life and I am 75…Is this a life? At any rate I wonder….all of these people US…with depression…all talking…but why??? Where is the cure? Drug companies must love us to death……I need help or will just die with this…why is there not help out there? I cant even find a doctor who cares and I have given up on that. So we have this group….but why do we need a group…we need a CURE. and I know all the answers will come flying in,blah blahl…but the basic nitty-gritty question is, we need real and physical ( probably not word of choicel) HELP/

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@sharlynn62

Hi Seeker 70,

By no means are you alone in your desperate wish to come out from under the dark cloud and see the sun again (this is how I visualize depression sometimes). I, too, have been dealing with some level of depression since I was a teenager. I have been taking medications (too many) for several years and seeing a therapist every week as well. Sometimes I feel so trapped in this life of misery. I also have several chronic physical problems that make it hard to live a ” normal” life and feed the depression.

I think there are two major things I want to say. One is that you must believe and let others know that depression is an illness just like diabetes or heart disease. You didn’t bring this on yourself and you can’t just “change your attitude” and make it go away. I was told to “pull up my boot straps” and get on with life, when I was a teenager and it just shows that people need to be educated about mental health. One thing I’m involved in that helps me is advocacy for people who have mental health concerns. I work on an anti-stigma campaign in my county and am involved in peer support (being with others who face similar struggles and providing support to one another).

This leads to my second point. You are very intuitive and obviously have not lost hope as you are reaching out to others for support. For me, this is one of the most important things that I can do to help with my recovery. It’s difficult, though, because I haven’t found many people of my age (I’m 55) who are interested in listening to a “boring old sad woman” (this is how I feel about myself a lot… part of my depressive symptoms include very low self esteem and negative self image). However, when I find someone who wants to listen and wants someone to listen to them, it’s marvelous and hopeful.

So, I would be glad to talk with you some more, if you are still wanting to discuss what you’re experiencing , etc. Let me know with a post here and we could possibly exchange email addresses. I often have to remind myself so I think it’s important to say this to you…You are not alone! Take care.

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@mattie True as other things tend to wax and wane then on to something else. A cure rather than coping would be welcomed.

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@parus

Seems I am not alone in the dark cloud. Sad others deal with it too.

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Hoping research will come up with better tools for diagnosis, then, a cure. We don't have to get measles, mumps, or polio. We shouldn't have to put up with depression and chronic pain either.

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@sharlynn62

Hi Seeker 70,

By no means are you alone in your desperate wish to come out from under the dark cloud and see the sun again (this is how I visualize depression sometimes). I, too, have been dealing with some level of depression since I was a teenager. I have been taking medications (too many) for several years and seeing a therapist every week as well. Sometimes I feel so trapped in this life of misery. I also have several chronic physical problems that make it hard to live a ” normal” life and feed the depression.

I think there are two major things I want to say. One is that you must believe and let others know that depression is an illness just like diabetes or heart disease. You didn’t bring this on yourself and you can’t just “change your attitude” and make it go away. I was told to “pull up my boot straps” and get on with life, when I was a teenager and it just shows that people need to be educated about mental health. One thing I’m involved in that helps me is advocacy for people who have mental health concerns. I work on an anti-stigma campaign in my county and am involved in peer support (being with others who face similar struggles and providing support to one another).

This leads to my second point. You are very intuitive and obviously have not lost hope as you are reaching out to others for support. For me, this is one of the most important things that I can do to help with my recovery. It’s difficult, though, because I haven’t found many people of my age (I’m 55) who are interested in listening to a “boring old sad woman” (this is how I feel about myself a lot… part of my depressive symptoms include very low self esteem and negative self image). However, when I find someone who wants to listen and wants someone to listen to them, it’s marvelous and hopeful.

So, I would be glad to talk with you some more, if you are still wanting to discuss what you’re experiencing , etc. Let me know with a post here and we could possibly exchange email addresses. I often have to remind myself so I think it’s important to say this to you…You are not alone! Take care.

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Someone has mentioned that checking out DNA for the meds that will work the best is a good place for us to srart. I am not sure how prevalent this is where I live, but I will mention it to my PCP next time I see him. He's a good egg, listens, and basically tolerates me when I don't function as well as I should. It bothers me at times that we are the ones that have to push so hard to get help. We almost have to do the hard work for them, at least that's my perception. Every doctor does not have a gift for being an excellent diagnostician. Frequently they withhold the very medications that would help us because they suspect we would abuse them. Who knows what the answer is? I sure don't. But I won't quit trying. Maybe take a rest, every now and then. Yeah. That's it. Pugs and Hugs

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@parus

@sharlynn62 I am 66 and there is nothing anyone else can do. It is up to me. If I cannot use my CBT skills then what else is there? I am 66 and I do not mention the “D” word to anyone. I feel like a leper in society. I surely will get back on track. Currently I lack the desire to even try. Yup, listening to the depression demon. Native Americans left the tribe when they were no longer of value. Welcome to my pitiful world.

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Thanks, gman007. I run my mouth too much, make really stupid mistakes, and feel lower than a snake's belly when or if I ever hurt anyone's feelings. Or step on their toes. I am on the Autism Spectrum, which accounts for some of my literal and figurative clumsiness. The rest is all me. People have explained to me that my 49% Western European heritage accounts for the hard copy facts that I am 49% Cherokee and Choctaw. French, Spanish, Italuan, Portugese, and Greek are the groups that my ancestors came from a very long time ago. For some reason, DNA searches on females will not show up Native American ancestry. The story is that my ancestors "passed" enough in looks that when the call came to leave homes for the Reservations, my kin said "Un uh, we ain't going,"and hid in the mountains. After awhile, evetyone forgot about us. Apparently they reappeared later, much paler from the hiding, and resumed their lives much as before. That part I don't have clear information about yet. But I intend to do further research. I have found cousins through this obsession of mine. I find it rewarding to run into family everywhere . It has also reinforced my sincere belief that we all come from somewhere else. And that we are all connected. Much more than we know. Oh, and I will be attempting Spanish this fall, with the thirteen year old. Adios!
Mamacita

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@parus

@sharlynn62 I am 66 and there is nothing anyone else can do. It is up to me. If I cannot use my CBT skills then what else is there? I am 66 and I do not mention the “D” word to anyone. I feel like a leper in society. I surely will get back on track. Currently I lack the desire to even try. Yup, listening to the depression demon. Native Americans left the tribe when they were no longer of value. Welcome to my pitiful world.

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hI mAMA..JUST SAW WHAET YOU SKAID ABOUT nATIVE aMERICAN NOT SHOWING UP ON DNA…iDIDNT KNOW…i SENT IN MY MONEY AND NEVER SAW ANY MENTION OF IT ON THE RESULTS AND WAS SO DARN MAD…IS THAT WHY??

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@parus

@sharlynn62 I am 66 and there is nothing anyone else can do. It is up to me. If I cannot use my CBT skills then what else is there? I am 66 and I do not mention the “D” word to anyone. I feel like a leper in society. I surely will get back on track. Currently I lack the desire to even try. Yup, listening to the depression demon. Native Americans left the tribe when they were no longer of value. Welcome to my pitiful world.

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Dear@mattie, Yes, I was told by someone from Ancestry .com the males will show the Native American. But the females will show only where the Native Americans came from. Supposedly, my Father's side of the family came from Great Britain and Western Europe. Spain, Portugal, France, Italy, and Greece. When I saw my cousin (Let's call him Alvin) at the funeral, I didn't think to ask him about his results. But I will pursue it. I find it rather humerous that all these years I could just as easily have lived on a Reservation. Life on a Reservation is no picnic. My cousin taught there for many years. Her home had no running water.But she loved teaching the children. I would like to understand more of the scientific explanation of all of this.
Light and Love,
Mamacita

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