Long-term depression

Posted by seeker70 @seeker70, Oct 11, 2017

I have been depressed, when I think about it, since I was a kid (I”m a senior now!) I have been treated off and on with meds and minimal talk therapy, but nothing changes. In the past it has been underlying but as I grow older it is becoming more intense. People ask: ‘why are you depressed? I never get depressed, just get a better attitude’. Or they don’t hear my (probably passive-aggressive) cries for help. Or they say: ‘what do you have to be depressed about?’ Actually although I agree with these opinions to a certain extent, it does not address the problem that depression is not a ‘why’, not is it a ‘choice’. It’s almost like being gay, you just are. Maybe I should just accept it (guess that’s what I have done for decades 🙂 But I don’t want to. I want to feel better now. Earlier in my life I was able to enjoy things, although the depression would keep popping out. But now I seem to have trouble enjoying anything, including my own family, and it’s harder and harder to ‘push depression down’ once it’s popped. So I have longer periods of depression and sadness and sleeplessness and lonliness, an shorter periods of being able to enjoy my life. Or want something. Or look forward to anything. I will say too that I have as much to be happy about as I do to be unhappy – but as I said, it’s not a ‘why’. I’m looking for people to explore this idea, and to help each other begin to overcome. Or maybe it’s just me and there’s no one else who feels this way — 😉 Thank you for reading all this.

Your story is so well written and descriptive that I thought I wrote it. Brought tears to my eyes. GOD BLESS!

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@theodosia

I saw a woman going by while I was in a restaurant who wore a t shirt that read " I don't do depression!" It stuck in my brain as something very unique.

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A fortunate woman…

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@jacklin, @seeker70,@theodosia, @rkleinsmith and @mamasitalucita – Hello! I would like to add a welcome to @hopeful33250 's. Happy to see you have found Mayo Clinic Connect. Thank you for posting and sending your support to the other members in this group that are living with depression.

Teresa mentioned above that she practices mindfulness, prays and meditates. She lives gratitude and thankfulness. What can all of you share that helps you live with your depression? Personally- I meditate and practice gratitude and recently reading Dr. Soods Stress-Free living helped me too.

I'll check back with all of you later. 🙂

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@hopeful33250

@parus

Searching for a new therapist is a good idea. You are a very intelligent, creative and thoughtful person. Finding someone who can relate to those characteristics and be of help would be worth the effort.

Teresa

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@hopeful33250 It seems these very characteristics that keep me from achieving any kind of trusting relationship with any one. I felt the prior therapist breached my confidentiality and told her so. She had blown me off when I mentioned what was in her notes online. I went in with a copy of my records that are now available to all in the current medical group I am in. No denying it then. I hope she learned something from this. I was not angry, but concerned. I have already been discharged by a specialist since this appeared in my chart online. Maybe a just a coincidence. She did nothing illegal and even if this were the case I would not even think of taking legal action. I am beginning to feel discriminated against and this is probably my own insecurities. I do feel that my trust ended at this point and she may have felt intimidated in some way-who knows? Therapists are people too and there really was nothing more she could do as I never could relate to her and the opposite was true. The professionals are rarely willing to admit failure or having made a mistake-in my mind this was the case. She slammed the door. Currently not feeling positive. These professionals do talk and mayhap felt threatened because I did challenge her although not in a threatening way-I asked a question was blown off and returned with proof.
Yes, move on get over it…working on this in many areas.

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@hopeful33250

@parus

Searching for a new therapist is a good idea. You are a very intelligent, creative and thoughtful person. Finding someone who can relate to those characteristics and be of help would be worth the effort.

Teresa

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@parus What a difficult experience. I certainly feel for you and I hope that you are able to trust someone again. Teresa

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I hear what you are saying. I have had depression and Anxiety for 30 years and in the past was given medication and i pulled out of it. Not anymore. Iam now 72 years old and have not been able to pull out of this depression/anxiety. This depression has been going on for 1 1/2 years. Iam so sick of the anxiety and depression. I also have a heartbeat irregularity that really makes me nervous and anxious. It is also getting worse with age. I have also developed cramping and weakness in my lower legs I go to a doctor and they pour tons of pills on me and PHYSICALLY I feel worse than before. I worry I am having a heart attack. I fear that i will have to be hospitalized for my heart and that they will take me off all my meds cold turkey and that it will cause withdrawals which could also kill me. I have been on 250 mg er Seroquel 1 time a day and Buspar 10 mg 2x a day for over a year and Remeron for 10 years at varous doses. I also take BP Meds Lisinopril and a waterpill and Propanolol. I try to tell my husband about my fears and how i feel but after all these years, he is tired of listening to me. I just feel alone and like Iam circuling the drain. You are not alone. I just want to feel relaxed and tranquil and enjoy .whats left of my life. It is hard to get good mental care in our area. Iam going to my physician. and he sees me every 3 months. I dont feel any support from him. I do have a physchologist i see but i have problems with all the mindfullness, CBT and relaxation etc. In short, iam a mess.

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Please, please continue exploring options for remediation. It's really difficult to connect, I know that. For me, medication has finally been the relief I needed. But that isn't for everyone. But I know the difference between being able to feel okay most every day, as opposed to the opposite feeling of not wanting to leave my bed, ignoring the phone, and friends day after day after day.
Please don't give up on yourself.

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@parus

@sharlynn62 I am 66 and there is nothing anyone else can do. It is up to me. If I cannot use my CBT skills then what else is there? I am 66 and I do not mention the “D” word to anyone. I feel like a leper in society. I surely will get back on track. Currently I lack the desire to even try. Yup, listening to the depression demon. Native Americans left the tribe when they were no longer of value. Welcome to my pitiful world.

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I read an article this morning about concentrating on just one thing at a time instead of constantly pondering everything at once. I think that many of us are overwhelmed by all the decision-making we have to make constantly. This is even more difficult for those of us who live alone and/or find that people in our lives do not understand how overpowering this can be.

I am going to experiment by writing down on separate pieces of paper all the decisions that I am pondering and then choose just one to deal with today and put all the others aside.It is going to be writing out a schedule for the eye drops I must use 10 times during the day and checking off when each one is administered. That way I can just check off each one after it has been taken used. Does anyone else have any ideas about just concentrating on one thing at a time might help?

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@angiegk, I hear your pain, and encourage you to search for an antidepressant that will work for you. I am taking Citalopram, which has been remarkably successful for my depression. I must go to a previous appointment, but I will check in with you more later. There is testing that can be done to determine what drugs and antidepressants will work for you. Medicare will pay for the tests. More later . . .

Gail
Volunteer Mentor

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It does seem that depression (and anxiety) are not choices-who would deliberately choose them?! It is wonderful that Mayo Connect is here so that nobody
who knows about it has to feel completely alone. There is always somebody to share with and who will empathize and support and understand likely
from personal experience. Also it gives us the chance to learn and possibly find helpful info. and ideas on how we can manage. I am so grateful for learning about genetic resting for mental health medications for example. One thing we learned in our Recovery group was that changing our thoughts when we are in a downward spiral can help. It is not necessarily easy to do I know. How to do that is anything that works for you- eg go for a walk, phone a friend, watch a TV show, go to the store, walk the dog if you have one, look up something on the computer that might interest you etc. Practice does help I have found.
Best wishes!

.

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@anniegk

I hear what you are saying. I have had depression and Anxiety for 30 years and in the past was given medication and i pulled out of it. Not anymore. Iam now 72 years old and have not been able to pull out of this depression/anxiety. This depression has been going on for 1 1/2 years. Iam so sick of the anxiety and depression. I also have a heartbeat irregularity that really makes me nervous and anxious. It is also getting worse with age. I have also developed cramping and weakness in my lower legs I go to a doctor and they pour tons of pills on me and PHYSICALLY I feel worse than before. I worry I am having a heart attack. I fear that i will have to be hospitalized for my heart and that they will take me off all my meds cold turkey and that it will cause withdrawals which could also kill me. I have been on 250 mg er Seroquel 1 time a day and Buspar 10 mg 2x a day for over a year and Remeron for 10 years at varous doses. I also take BP Meds Lisinopril and a waterpill and Propanolol. I try to tell my husband about my fears and how i feel but after all these years, he is tired of listening to me. I just feel alone and like Iam circuling the drain. You are not alone. I just want to feel relaxed and tranquil and enjoy .whats left of my life. It is hard to get good mental care in our area. Iam going to my physician. and he sees me every 3 months. I dont feel any support from him. I do have a physchologist i see but i have problems with all the mindfullness, CBT and relaxation etc. In short, iam a mess.

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@anniegk

I reached bottom 12 years ago, after I thought I had reached bottom several times. It took around 5 years to begin to see light, but even now, after 12 years of therapy and various medications, I still tell my therapist how tired I am of being depressed and dealing with PTSD, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I know that I feel better than I did 5 years ago, but chronic major depression and chronic pain are taking their toll. My wife was tired of living with the depressed me several years ago, and though we're still married – 46 years – and we share a bed, the fact that she can't really understand what I feel makes me feel almost abandoned. I have good doctors and a good therapist, and I have a strong faith in God and a good church with a pastor who knows about depression by experience. Without that support system, I know that I would have ended my life long ago.

I know that depression is a treatable disease. I also know that recovery from severe, sustained depression is more difficult.

After numerous suicide attempts I admitted myself to a facility, a very nice one, where I stayed for six weeks
They emphasized mindfulness and other therapies, but I'm slow to apply those things, and find that they help in the moment, but for me they're not a cure.

I'm rereading Darkness Visible, by William Styron. It's a very good book, written by a man who experienced the severe level of depression. He put into words much of what I've experienced.

As I said, it's treatable, but there's no quick cure, and the process is wildly different for each person. I believe that if you persist (which I know full well is nigh unto impossible for a deeply depressed person), your life can be better. Mine is.

God bless you with your journey.

Jim

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@ainsleigh

It does seem that depression (and anxiety) are not choices-who would deliberately choose them?! It is wonderful that Mayo Connect is here so that nobody
who knows about it has to feel completely alone. There is always somebody to share with and who will empathize and support and understand likely
from personal experience. Also it gives us the chance to learn and possibly find helpful info. and ideas on how we can manage. I am so grateful for learning about genetic resting for mental health medications for example. One thing we learned in our Recovery group was that changing our thoughts when we are in a downward spiral can help. It is not necessarily easy to do I know. How to do that is anything that works for you- eg go for a walk, phone a friend, watch a TV show, go to the store, walk the dog if you have one, look up something on the computer that might interest you etc. Practice does help I have found.
Best wishes!

.

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Almost every day there are reports about what is being learned about the brain because of the miracle of imaging, There is amazing research going on and I think it is just a matter of time before they discover what causes depression and will offer a successful remedy. So don't give up hope because there is an answer just waiting to be discovered.

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