Lewy body dementia: My husband refuses to wash his hands

I hate to say that I can relate, but I can relate. My husband is 79 and in the later stages of Lewy body dementia and what I’ve learned is an argument can occur about anything. There’s always a bit of an edge. It’s best to smile change the subject and not argue at all. We have not had the handwashing discussion although I stopped worrying about most things and just appreciate the moment. The more you point out the more I suspect he will want to hold onto his own point of view, regardless of whether it makes sense or not. Truly pick your battles and if you can help it avoid battles at all cost. There’s so much more I could say perhaps I’ll send an update at some point Lewy Body dementia is very difficult. I’m sending you a virtual hug.

So sorry you are dealing with this difficult disease. What helped me was understanding that they are no longer able to problem solve or "get it" with some things. Tomorrow could be different.

What about trying something different? Pick a time that is not right when you want him to wash his hands, wait a while and try a scented hand sanitizer. "Hey, ____, what do you think about the way this smells?" And put some in his hands. Make it about something else.

Arguing is pointless. Even so, there have been times with my Mom when I could not hold my tongue. I kind of wish I was back at that point, but she is far beyond all this now.

Hopefully, just sharing your struggle will be helpful and perhaps others will have good suggestions. Hang in there! Cherish the good days or minutes.
Traci

I can relate.

@diane07710

@maryvc Thank you.

@teepasnowvideos has utube videos on Wash your hands! Tips for Dementia Care Patients where they demonstrate different approaches with a care team. Using strong visuals, she shows what to do to get them to wash their hands.
Hope this provides some ideas. Best, Karla

I, too, can relate. My dh just wipes his fingers on his hand towel after urinating and I have caught him wiping his fingers on my hand towel. Ugh. I do think my "reaction" to the latter may have discouraged him at least from using my towel but I can't be sure.

@diana1974
I read about some waterless soap products. Do you think he'd use those? Do you think it's the water part that is off-putting to him?
Is there another approach, like not allowing him to touch dishware, cups, silverware, pots and pans (if he still cooks) etc. till he washes, stating that since you both use them you need to keep you both safe.
Just brainstorming here.
Good luck!

My husband with vascular dementia also refuses to wash his hands. His emptying the dishwasher was my rubicon. I suggest 1) getting there first no matter how you do it and 2) buy one of those magnets online that go on the dishwasher front with clean/dirty sides- the biggest one you can find. Start the washer after supper, flip it to clean, go back quietly before bedtime and switch it to dirty. If he starts to open the dishwasher door, just exclaim “Oh, dear, look what the magnet says, I must have forgotten to start it, I’ll do that later”. If you think he’ll want to start it himself, hide the detergent somewhere nearby, “Oh dear, I need to put that on the shopping list.”.
As far as using “your” towels, I bought one of those over-the-door racks and hung it over the inside of a door in the same hallway (old kids’ bedroom). There it wasn’t handy or visible, so that solved that.
You gotta do what you gotta do.

@carolreid