I didn’t know whether to tack this on the end of my original one or what to do …. so if it’s in the wrong place, please fix it for me.
I’m about at the end of my rope ….. I hate it here, looking for a part-time job but although they they don’t discriminate because of age, ….. right! But when they ask when you graduated from high school, it doesn’t take much to figure that out. I’m 73 which some of you know. My apt. is a mess and I don’t care, I see each of my girls once a week, and the rest of the time I’m here – hiding out. I have my pup, but at 7 months she’s still pooping on the floor … I don’t know what to do anymore about that.
Got up this AM in that dark, black, hole, feeling like I was covered with a heavy wet cold blanket. I’ve been so desperate at times, I’ve even thought of calling my X to go somewhere. Most of you know he only lives 20 miles from here, and since he’s been here almost 9 years, he’s the “king” of grandfathers ….. me? I try, but he sees them several times a week and they totally love him. That’s fine … it’s just another example of how I don’t fit in.
Supposed to rain today … I hope it does …. I could sit on the deck and let it rain on me …. proabably feel good.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I have 1 friend here, but she is the type that would say, “just put on your big girl panties and get moving.” Easy to say if you have not been there. I wish I could go to the private hospital up where I came from and be taken care of for awhile, and get away from all of this. So much drug dealing, a man threatening to commit suicide, which the police were able to “talk down.” ….. I try to be nice to everyone, but most seem to think I have an ulterior motive. So, I stay here. I keep wondering, how long Lord, how long? Maybe soon. I’m so done with this.
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