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It will take an act of God . That was my last comment and email.

Posted by Anonymous-228a3553 in Mental Health, Aug 23, 2011

Ever feel like you are just holding on each day and God keeps you alive for some reason. Why He keeps me alive I still dont know. I have been near death more times than I can remember. Just when I put enough inner hope to go on I get a surprise that mentaly blows me apart. Begging to God to take me cause the way Im feeling and the total confusion in my brain is unbearable. I have been breaking down in dispair and depression every day. I sent a txt to a close relative on Thursday to let him know Im selling all my stuff, and he can take the money. And the state can clean up my mess. I will donate my entire body to science. Hope they help someone who really deserves it. I certainly am not worthy for my brain is beyound help. 40 yrs of torment,abuse of all you can amagine. All I want is to love others, and to be loved. But Im alone and the attemps to go out and be a part of the community has been horrible. I just was sexualy assulted by a man who lives a block away. And all the people that where there after it happened and I called 911, says I was making it up. I had no reason in the world to do that. These people I thought were my friends. I was just too stupid and to kind and was taken advantage of. I have to ride by that place everyday I go out. These people think just because they have millions of dollars they can say and do whatever. Well Money does play a major role in society and the law, The good old boy system. Anyway right now Im not suicidal and do not want to go to be around the same old system that just doest change. Im not treated as an indivual but as a loonatic or someone who is insane. Im not. I just dont know what else to do. 40 yrs of counceling. in and out of hospitals is beyound old. I have alot of physical disabilitys as well as my brain. But no one sees all the effort I have put forth to reach out for resorses to make any progress in my life. Is it South Carolina? I have had it worse since i have moved to this state from Maryland. Its so backwards here. I hope and pray for some kind of change. My ex husband and 2 older daughters cant stand it here. Well what ever, I said what I feel in short, but left a lot out not to bore you all. Thanks for reading this, Good Bye

Tags: mental health

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