Is anyone here struggling with thanatophobia?

Sorry about your daughter and your dx of BRCA1.
I also have a fear of death. I’m post menopause now but I have had this fear for about 20 years. I’ve had a lot of loss in my life, which may have something to do with it, but I also have depression and anxiety on top of it. I’m sorry to say I’ve never found relief or anyone to help me. Please reach out to a professional for therapy. It is my opinion that certified social workers and people that were just trained in anxiety, etc. are of no help whatsoever.Look for an actual psychiatrist or psychologist that specializes. There are numerous groups on FB and Reddit where you can find others with this fear. . You are certainly not alone. I search for relief every day. Good luck.

hello @sandrajane 🙂
thank you so much, for reaching out and sharing a little about yourself ! i hope it is ok, to ask afew things but of course, i totally understand, if you would not want to give any answers...
it sounds like you may have an idea, where the fear of death has come from but not for sure ?!
i do remember this day so damn clear... ther was no reason for it to happen. it simply took place and i couldnt do anything about it. i had to call an ambulance, as i genuinly thought im having a heart attack. i was so craped and tightened up with fear and panic, i had to have an enjection to relax my body... it was horrific. that was when i was about 19. it never ever left me...
i so feel for you, when you did wrote at the end * i search for relief every day* and that sums it up so perfectly... search for something, what never comes !!
i sometime do refer to it as THE MONSTER, or THE BEAST . it has absolut hold over me... it is so hard to explain to people, what it is like... to make them understand that it just happens, that it just entirely overwhelms you, eats you up, forces itself on you, entire absorbs you, you and your mind are not in charge over yourself anymore. fighting the constant fear, is so damn tirering ! so exhausting ! the effect on every day normal life- constanly pushing and forcing it in...overshadowing EVERYTHING ! is insane stuff really... you are out walking and you cant even take any beauty in... there are thoughts like... wondering about cardiac attacks but what people dont seem to understand is, its not our thoughts wandering off, or us thinking of it. NO, all this crap is coming out of nowhere to us. least this is how it is for me. if i dont PUSH myself every day to fight this, to not give in i think my whole life would have entirely collapsed... it is so unfair on husbands, children, family and friends. they such helpless to, they want to help and cant. we cant even help ourselves...
there are so so many triggers... my head is like a nonestop switched on pinball machine.
unfortunately it has been the same for me to. regarding help. and i totally agree, for someone to understand needs a specialist in this field. i even did try online therapy and had hope, that this could may be the first time, i was going in the right direction... the side is calles IS COMPLICATED and the young woman i was working with was offering

Treatment Approaches
ACT: Acceptance and commitment therapy
Recommended for those who want to stop fighting negative thoughts and learn how to live with more acceptance and focus on what really matters in life.
CBT: Cognitive behavioural therapy
Recommended for those looking for practical support and accountability to change unhelpful thinking and behaviors.
Person-centred approach
Recommended for those looking for a supportive, non-judgmental space where they can lead the conversation and explore their feelings at their own pace.

may you are interested to have a look. but money is always an issue...
thank you also, for mentioning the groups on FB and Reddit- i definitely will look into those ! can you recommend any at all ?
if you would like to write more, it would be great to hear back from you
stay strong and damn fight !!!
T

Mine did not come on suddenly it’s just I think a manifestation of the depression and anxiety in my life and just realizing that we are all going to die we don’t know what it feels like we don’t know what happens afterwards and whoever put us here was cruel. Whether it be God or some other entity, it’s designed so that we don’t understand and we will never know and I absolutely hate that thought and it’s just driving me crazy. Then couple it with the fact that I feel like I could’ve done more with my life, but I didn’t. It was wasted pretty much of it. some things were beyond my control but some things I could have done better. I don’t know what I want to happen to me when I die. I hate the thought of being burned up and I hate the the thought of being buried and there isn’t any other option. I’m just disgusted with ever being born. And truthfully, well in a way it’s good to know that there are lots of other people that feel the same way what it comes down to us that we are all suffering and no one has an answer. They’re absolutely is no answer so it’s just like you have to distract yourself for the rest of your life and hope that you die easy. Sorry I couldn’t really be on any help but I just think it’s all black and life is pretty much useless.

I didn't know what to call it, but I have it, too. Therapy has helped me. Now I just hope I die in my sleep. But there's nothing I can do about it, since I'm 85. Most of my friends are already gone. I'm still pretty mobile and with it, so I have a social life at least.

@templar13 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. Being aware of this condition, also known to some as "death anxiety" is a big first step. You mention you had your first full-blown attack around age 19. Did something happen around that time that made you realize the mortality of all living things? I wonder if something like that was a triggering point for you. Sometimes losing a family member or someone close to us brings that moment of finality and makes us fearful.

Although it might sound counter-intuitive, looking into a death cafe, where people talk about death, may help remove the stigma you feel about it all. Is that something you could consider?
Ginger

hello @gingerw ! thank you, for reaching out.
yes, thats correct, i was around 19. i can remember that day so clear- it was horrific ! it came out of the blue. i was reading, in my own flat, relaxt and all for a sudden i had this full blowen panic attack. but i thought i had a heart attack. i ended up calling the ambulance. they had to give me an injection, to de cramp me... i was so cramped up with fear , it was so so very scary... and that was the start of my live with thanatophobia- or death anxiety. it never has left me, it is part of my daily life... i never - thankfully- have experianced, or witnessed anyone having a heart attack , nor had anyone i do know had an attack... i dont know, where this heart attack comes from but it but it has overshadowed my life since then. to a daily extream... is such a complex condition , it is eating me up... it is like drowning... and trying in full panic to struggle upwards... out of this pulling down power, trying so desperately to come up for air- to breath...
the only thing i kind of have figured out is, that for me it has to do with love, loss and being entire out of controle to protect my loved ones and myself. i also think, that events in my childhood could have to do with it... i have tried a few therapist and i thought the last lady i did work with, could help but online sessions are not cheap, so i couldnt continue but even if it felt much better as anything i did try before, im not sure if it really would have made a difference... but i definitely would have continued with this young woman... she was really good...
i came across those death cafe, the problem- for me- is that talking or writing about these things can be good and even can feel freeing but most the time it makes things even worse... this is, why i have to be also careful with using this forums... i meantioned earlier on , in another note i wrote, how careful i must be in what i read aso my head, mind is constantly on full overdrive... is like a pinball machine... words, toughts, something on tv can put me into total meltdown... it is exhausting

thank you, for reaching out, ginger 🙂

i hear you @sandrajane ! i so can rely to what you did say about the dying... all those thoughts, worries and fears of anything to do with death are endless. these thoughts just crashing into the mind, they such overpowering , there is no escape possible... one thought replaces the next... an unstopable downwards spiral...

im sorry to hear, that you feel you didnt make most of your life...i hope, that somehow you are still able to feel some happines in your life, whatever form it may comes in... even if it comes in rare ocations... i hope you are able to feel and experiance some form of positive, love, beauty !!

and you are so very right... i see it like you too... this beast will be part of us, for the rest of our live... and how very sad it that, to just go through life with constant fear and trying desperat, to destruckt yourself... i so do understand !

please stay strong and fight !!
T