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Introduction to me " On the Bright side" of Darkness.

Posted by Anonymous-5a55c954 in Brain & Nervous System, Nov 16, 2011

Hello. I suffer with a P.T.S.D. History . I worked as a carpenter, and machine operator. I went to school for industrial electricity, but never used my knowledge accept to wire a lamp. 5 suicides in my family. Lots of mental illness. My husband and grandfather committed suicide. I've Been in more than a hand full of unhealthy relationships involving drugs and violence abuse and homicide. My boyfriend's in jail. I like him better there. I've been hospitalized 5 times for depression, eating disorder, Suicide attempt, I've had electric shock treatment . I am a single parent of a 17 year old girl who wants to be a mounted cop, or work on the k9 unit. Just looking on the bright side today. Its raining and I love the rain. Today's a good day to ride the horse. Tomorrow might not be good for me depending on my mood swings. I look forward to your blogs.

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Posted by @kellydelarosa, Nov 16, 2011


Posted by Anonymous-8efa72f9, Nov 19, 2011

Couldn't you get medical assistance for surgery or treatment?


Posted by @kellydelarosa, Nov 27, 2011

I wish. go figure. Im a widow with ptsd, a history of bullemia, borderline personality disorder, electric shock treatment side effects of memory loss., suicidal tendencies. i was given a hernia by one of my ex boyfriends, then butchered by a surgeon who accidentaly severed a nerve he wasnt supposed to, and I have an income of 1000 dollars a month, no food stamps, no job because I have no paristalsis in my colon. and dont qualify for medicaid.


Posted by @sharon518, Dec 15, 2011

Dam them. You are entitled to social security disability. keep trying.


Posted by @nativefloridian, Nov 17, 2011

Horses can be very therapeutic for you. Keep looking on the bright side. Checkout some positive websites, music and whatever else you need to help yourself stay in a better frame of mind. You can also exercise more, get out in the sunshine and steer clear of those people that drag you down. Make a list of your encouragers, those that uplift you and help you toward your goals and spend time around them. If you have others that are discouragers in your life, you may need to remove yourself from some relationships. Unfortunately, we women don't always know when to quit.

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Posted by @kellydelarosa, Nov 27, 2011

So true. Im guilty of that just took my boyfriend back after he monitarily, and physically abused me. I dont know why, but I have low self esteem, and dont know too many people out here. Ive been praying for a miracle, and actually believing its going to happen. ive been praying for god to restore my self esteem, and my health, and his as well. theres a gap in our relationship, Im not sure why, but 90 percent of the time I do feel loved by him, no excuses for him though. he messed up and I called the cops and he did time for it. AM I nuts- well I can answer that with a big yes. but i dont have the will or inclination to let it all go just yet, ROUND 2.


Posted by @sharon518, Dec 15, 2011

Pull it together. You do have the ability to say stop! That was my life also. I reached the point that he almost killed me. I wanted to take a knife and degut him because I did not think he was human. It was hard but I did it. Keep in touch. I do care.


Posted by @msd, Jan 13, 2012

Keep on praying honey and trust me god will guide you in the right direction pray to god that you can get up in the morning get yourself together look in the mirrow and tell yourself you are beautiful and smile all day like you never have before just know that god loves you and someone out there can love you to you dont have to put up with abuse people do things cuz we let me and we think thats the way it should be but its not keep faith in the lord I'll keep you in my prayers


Posted by @roxie43, Nov 20, 2011

I just started ECT a couple of weeks ago. Although, I am still dealing with past and recent trauma, I can say for the first time in years that I am hopeful again. I will admit that I was so scared at first but now I know that I needed something other than a pill (never worked or made me really big). Give it a try, it is safe and I really have not had any side effects.

Posted by Anonymous-52bb7083, Nov 27, 2011

My first diagnosis is PSTD. Most people don't understand that even if you weren't in a "war" you can still suffer from it. Maybe they would undrstand were they a fly on the wall of the hell hole I was raised in. Haha! It's not really a laughing matter even though laughter is most ly the medicine I use. I got lucky and married a guy who is side splitting funny. "Thank God". I Also have been diagnosed with Psoriatic arthris, and Osteo, as well as Fibromyalgia. The last one is my favorite becaus it is as unpredictable as PSTD, only you understand what is going on when you have a flare up and it is not that way with PSTD.LOL! PSTD is a plague for me. It has cost me alot of time with family and friends. I have invisioned blowing my brains out at times, BUT only because that thought is a distraction from the anxiety involved in this thing. How do you deal with this? PSTD? How do you explain it to your 24 year old? I just started seeing a therapist for the first time in 20 years. The last time I tried to see one, and make sense of this, I got lost in all the symptoms I was looking for and it would creep up on me again. I am an artist, writing, drawing music, and anything that is creative, and so I thought that getting this therapist that has been certified in Art Therapy would be great for me. So, here is round two for me at 46 years old. How do you suffer from PSTD, Or why rather?
Who here can relate to the loss of friendship, or "I guess the absense of it, and therefore you are lonely?

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Posted by @kellydelarosa, Nov 27, 2011

how do i deal with it? Well when im able to deal with it its almost a miracle. I cry to the point of howling. to kill the pain. I pray, I walk I reason. when Im able. I let reason rule over my mood, but it isnt easy . It hits me like an attack almost. My only salvation is the realization that the feeling will pass, and that I know im adding energy to the feeling causing me to feel worse, Then Im able to reason my way out of it by use of cliches everyone uses, like its always dark before the light, and this too shall pass. I found a scripture today. A heart that is full of carnal desires shall never love anything pure, Another one I cant quite remember it goes something like this. Knowing the cause of evil , can stop the wicked result of that evil, . ... For example to know that low self esteem leads to jealousy. therefore if you want to be un jealous simply work of your self esteem. That one helped me get through a whole day of no phone calls to my boyfriend. It was still however a rough day, but I promised myself I wouldnt call him, and I didnt.


Posted by @v, Dec 3, 2011

Thank-you for sharing bit of your personal story. I can relate and would be happy to share with you my own as well as my "how to" on surviving with capacity to enjoy the journey. Wishing You well!

Posted by Anonymous-333e17c6, Dec 15, 2011

I never thought about divorce. I was in a terrible car accident broke my neck. The area was cervical 2 and3. I also had other problems and surgeries. That high up means death but I am dealing with a lot of pain now and I have no deficits. My marriage was hell, probably like yours. The reason I mention the car accident is because it was God who intervened. I am stubborn and never give up. That accident I saw the beast I married. I have depression but I call it my blue day. I allow two hours of self pity and crying, then I go back to living. Try that, it works. You are not alone we are your friends and love you. Do not give up on your self. These black days will leave.


Posted by @msd, Jan 13, 2012

Ive been up and Ive been down the lord truly keeps me affound one thing I know for sure the lord wont put more on you than you can bare honey get on your knees and thank the lord that he woke you up this morning and thank him for all the good things in your lfe they will out way the bad thank him for your wonderful daughter who knows where shes going in life I am a single parent of a teenage girl also and when things get bad for me I get on my knees and I pray like god loves you your daughter loves you so do yourself a favor and love yourself in gods name I'll keep you in my prayers


Posted by @jude59, Mar 23, 2012

My son was robbed at gunpoint, therapist diagnosed him as having PSTD. She used EMDR on him and he is cured. Research it, and I will pray you will be healed as well.


Posted by @china, Apr 2, 2012

You have had a tough life and you see still alive. The horses can be a therapeutic outlet maybe do that more. I feel for your daughter who has dreams and those around her are dying in ways that are scary.
What do you want out of life? Do you have goals or want to be healthy? I'm not judging you. I would like to know if you are ready to live a meaningful life instead of existing in utter chaos. I will pray for your family and urge you to take your precious life serious and make healthier choices.

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