How to have relationships while living with depression?

Posted by marjou @marjou, Jun 21, 2020

Need some help in coping or pointers in how to best handle relationships whether family,dating, friends. Because my depression is the constant factor every day, I isolate in a way as to not subject others to my depressive state which I have to live with but they do not. Feel it's not fair to them or they just avoid me. When to tell or not to tell someone especially if trying to date?

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In reply to @marjou "Agree!" + (show)
@marjou

I find that to, but sometimes I wonder if I explained things a bit instead of just isolating, my depression wouldn't be the "elephant in the living room" that it is. You know, everybody can see it's there but no one is saying anything. I wonder if I say something like "You know how I struggle with depression. I want you to know that you don't have to do anything or come up with answers. Just your company, talking, and spending time together really helps." Not sure how this would go over with friends and family, but I think acknowledging what's going on might make me feel better.

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@ellen307

My granddaughter is having this issue so what can be done, not good to go out n about csnnit trust any one

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@ellen307 At times I have found group therapy helpful, but not sure how this can be accomplished during COVID.

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@modz

I find that to, but sometimes I wonder if I explained things a bit instead of just isolating, my depression wouldn't be the "elephant in the living room" that it is. You know, everybody can see it's there but no one is saying anything. I wonder if I say something like "You know how I struggle with depression. I want you to know that you don't have to do anything or come up with answers. Just your company, talking, and spending time together really helps." Not sure how this would go over with friends and family, but I think acknowledging what's going on might make me feel better.

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It's a great idea in theory, but my experience has been that people don't know what to say or how to act once the acknowledgement has been made. I was treated differently, but I love the part of telling them that just being together helps. I do think keeping "secrets" doesn't help one and honesty is best. Good luck!

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@marjou

@ellen307 At times I have found group therapy helpful, but not sure how this can be accomplished during COVID.

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@marjou Wonder if group therapy can be done on Zoom.I just did an.exercise program on Zoom.

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@lilypaws

@marjou I know what you mean, plus on top of it for me I just had a fusion from T-10 to my pelvis. Had complications in the hospital. So fatigued and like you, I don't feel like doing anything. Of course, with this recovery I really can't do much. Take care and this isolation does make a difference. Has to get better, at least for me as I heal. It take a year, but I'm going to be strong and positive that I can deal with my depression. Jeanie

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@lilypaws How is your recovery process going?

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@modz

I find that to, but sometimes I wonder if I explained things a bit instead of just isolating, my depression wouldn't be the "elephant in the living room" that it is. You know, everybody can see it's there but no one is saying anything. I wonder if I say something like "You know how I struggle with depression. I want you to know that you don't have to do anything or come up with answers. Just your company, talking, and spending time together really helps." Not sure how this would go over with friends and family, but I think acknowledging what's going on might make me feel better.

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@modz If it helps YOU that's reason enough to do it!
My concern is not to have expectations of how others will receive this information, but primarily do it for yourself. Think it's a good idea and brave!
I am coming from the standpoint of being hospitalized and then my family just doesn't to discuss without drama or how to act around me so I guess it's always the elephant in the room.

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@gramvick

I am so sorry this has happened to youj.lm!! I lost my son 20 years ago.to depression/suicide. I lost many friends because I didnt get over it.

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@gramvick I am so sorry about your losses. It's just hard to lose a son, but by suicide it makes it that much harder. My mom committed suicide too. I was married at 18 and loved this guy so much, but he was killed in a car accident 11 days after we were married. Another good friend just a Senior in High School was also killed with him. They are in my heart.
What I can't understand is why you lost many friends because you didn't get over it. It's been over 50 years and I'm have a new life now which has it's up's and down.
Have you tried to see a sychiatrist (sp) and get on something for depression. I am so sorry for your loss. I know it's hard and you will always me with our struggles together. I have a lot more.

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@gramvick

I am so sorry this has happened to youj.lm!! I lost my son 20 years ago.to depression/suicide. I lost many friends because I didnt get over it.

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Hi @gramvick and @lilypaws, it is always hard to lose someone, but especially to suicide. I encourage you to join these discussions in the Loss & Grief group (https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/loss-grief/)

– Suicide: Finding it hard to lose someone by suicide https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/suicide-1/
– Anniversary date of trauma, loss of my son https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/anniversary-date-of-trauma/
Georgette, Parus and others get it and know you don't get over it.

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So how does one get to know more people or date in this time of COVID? I've checked out a couple of dating sites but the cost of being a member on my very limited budget makes it cost prohibitive. Don't belong to a church.

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Speaking from a 59 yo white male who is single with no kids I'm amazed at the question. I'm not saying it's bad or anything wrong but I can go just about anywhere and meet people I personally like to know them before I will date them so you say why are you single then and honestly there are 2 good reasons to start with 1 is confidence I dont have all the cheezy lines memorized like I see at the supermarkets I just have to laugh at some of them but I know or been told confidence is a big factor. 2nd with my medical condition I dont have alot of money so if a woman is looking for a man to support her and take care of her I'm not the best person but if your looking to go for a walk or hike or bike or dancing art festivals when they start up I'll be all in for that. I love mexico I will most likely die in puerto vallarta which is were I love going but I dont stay in 5 star hotels I'm a person who likes to stay where locals live and some women I know would not like accommodations that I stay in. I dont drive the nicest car most likely worst car on block not the nicest home in the area but its mine and alot of people men and women have to keep up with the Jones. So how do you meet people where ever you are at my advice is to smile say hi introduce your self and see how it goes. That works everywhere and dont be mad if the other person isn't open to a conversation it's their loss not yours. I could give you more examples but I've rambled on long enough good luck in the search stay positive do the things you enjoy doing and be open to meeting people they are all around you have a blessed day dave

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@marjou

So how does one get to know more people or date in this time of COVID? I've checked out a couple of dating sites but the cost of being a member on my very limited budget makes it cost prohibitive. Don't belong to a church.

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Join a singles club, Senior ? Center
Join a camera club.. or whatever your hobby.
Sing in a chorus or church choir,
Volunteer at a ? Charity, Salvation Army,
Join a gym.
Take dancing lessons
I met my husband at a ski club meeting/dance.
Follow your hobby and your ❤️

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@davej

Speaking from a 59 yo white male who is single with no kids I'm amazed at the question. I'm not saying it's bad or anything wrong but I can go just about anywhere and meet people I personally like to know them before I will date them so you say why are you single then and honestly there are 2 good reasons to start with 1 is confidence I dont have all the cheezy lines memorized like I see at the supermarkets I just have to laugh at some of them but I know or been told confidence is a big factor. 2nd with my medical condition I dont have alot of money so if a woman is looking for a man to support her and take care of her I'm not the best person but if your looking to go for a walk or hike or bike or dancing art festivals when they start up I'll be all in for that. I love mexico I will most likely die in puerto vallarta which is were I love going but I dont stay in 5 star hotels I'm a person who likes to stay where locals live and some women I know would not like accommodations that I stay in. I dont drive the nicest car most likely worst car on block not the nicest home in the area but its mine and alot of people men and women have to keep up with the Jones. So how do you meet people where ever you are at my advice is to smile say hi introduce your self and see how it goes. That works everywhere and dont be mad if the other person isn't open to a conversation it's their loss not yours. I could give you more examples but I've rambled on long enough good luck in the search stay positive do the things you enjoy doing and be open to meeting people they are all around you have a blessed day dave

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@davej Your comments are so positive! Are you a life coach??:)
The question came about because of these interesting times of COVID and safe distancing. I love to dance but that's out for now except at home by myself. In my mind 60's, live in rural NM and understand the confidence part which I'm in short supply at this time. Am working on this. Thanks for your reply.

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