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How do i remind him he's sick?

Posted by @garysgirl in Brain & Nervous System, Sep 14, 2011

After a two year relationship my boyfriend is dellusional, violent, destructive, suicidal and not remotely the man in any form i fell in love with. he doesn't even Look the same. after leaving a good job dve to sexual harassment by a coworker, having his beloved car stolen and a period of approximately a month where he didn't get out of bed these "episodes" began. at first very rare now multiple times a day. while at a Dr app. with him, a Dr he had NOT seen previously asked him about his schizophrenia. things just started clicking his family who we never see now said it is bi polar disorder he had previously been on medications. whatever it is i love him, am commited to him but am terrified and scared he WILL kill me. how do i make remember he's sick and get him to see a Dr. i miss him and want him and our lives back.

Tags: mental health


Posted by @ista, Oct 4, 2011

Run. You are not married. You are not required to stay with him or help him.

I know this sounds harsh. I say it as a Bipolar person who has run a forum for Bipolar people for 10 years. We sometimes have the loved ones of Bipolar people show up and we tell them the following:

1. Tell him if he does not see a doctor and get a solid diagnosis, you are out of there.
2. When he gets the diagnosis, tell him if he does not comply with treatment 100%, you are out of there.

Relationships go two ways. If he is not willing to do these two things for you, then he puts himself first and you really do have a problem on your hands. I take my meds every day, twice a day. I do it for my husband and my daughter. I do not have extreme Bipolar, yet even so I am committed to staying on top of this illness. He needs to take responsibility for his own life. He needs to decide when enough is enough and he will submit--- but you cannot do that for him.

For you:
1. Draw a line. It can be a deadline. "If he does not get to a doctor/start treatment by x date, then I have to accept that he is never going to do it." And then get out.

You are talking about being afraid that he will kill you. KILL YOU. This is not normal, this is not a normal relationship. You cannot save him-- you can only save yourself. You deserve someone who loves you and can be stable in that love, dependable. It might be him, who knows, I hope so, but it will only be after he has made up his own mind that his life would be better under treatment than it is right now. "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink."


Posted by @roxie43, Apr 23, 2012

I just quoted the same quote LOL
great minds think alike ..

Posted by Anonymous-95274fcf, Nov 14, 2011

2 questions. are you on talking terms? if the answer to that question is, yes, have you ever seriously talked to him about your commitment and your condition and a 3rd question, if he's not in your life right now, where is his commitment, or to what?

Posted by Anonymous-95274fcf, Nov 20, 2011

you can't make him do anything, he's a grown man. he has to want the treatment not because you want him to have it but because he wants help. he doesn't want help. you have 2 decisions. one, you can build a new life without him and two, build your life with him but stay very strong, knowing that you have taken on this tremendous responsibility as his psychiatrist, doctor, mother and if children enter into the equation, it just gets more complex. good luck

jbeehm and Bettyann like this

Posted by @bettyann, Apr 23, 2012

You both need help. I mean that sincerely. Anyone that would put up with that kind of behavior needs counseling... I know this was written quite some time again, so I hope you are finding yourself in a better place.
Most of know what it is like to 'believe' that you "love him/her so much" ... but that is not love, it can be a sick attachment, when this love is not based in a healthy relationship. I'm sorry your boyfriend is hurting... you need to step back, however, and look at yourself. By not doing anything for yourself and putting up with him -- you are enabling him NOT to change...what reason does he have to??
People who are healthy in their own minds do not play the martyr role... been there, done that. It just never works.

Iraku likes this

Posted by @garysgirl, Jan 15, 2013

I would like to thank anyone who took the time to read and/or respond to my post. No matter your opinion, it was greatly appreciated. I know everyone has their own opinions on how to treat mental illness, whether one should stay or go. I knew the Gary who was funny, loving, caring, sensitive, compassionate. Who gave his all for not only his family but a complete stranger,no matter day or night, he would stop and help. I knew his joys, dreams, his hopes, regrets and his fears....and he knew mine. He was my Yummy Yummy Cupcake and I was his Baby. I will defend the man I know he truly was. I will try my hardest to support, educate and help anyone and never judge or think mental illness can be controlled or it is a conscious choice by its victim to not seek help. If someone has a broken leg we understand, but the only way to know for yourself that it is not a choice for its victims is to witness what they go thru when they have an episode. The eyes do not lie. They become blank, lifeless and you know the person you love is not there. If anyone has witnessed this you know. On Dec. 29, 2011 Gary Lee Gahart was not offered help,direction or instruction, or medical attention but was shot and killed by police officers who followed no type of protocol who had a total disregard for liife itself. I will spend the rest of my life missing him,advocating for procedures that if any way possible should be followed by law enforcement, and prompt medical attention offered and someone to be held accountable if it is withheld. I will miss his smile, his laugh,his back I rubbed, his hair I fell asleep playing with,his smell,his arms that held me tight his lips that kissed me, his crooked smile,the pride in the home he provided..... I would do it all over again because he was worth it.
4evrGarysGirl rip


Posted by @piglit, Jan 15, 2013

Hi sweetie Live on the memories for they will keep Gary with you forever. Grief process is in early days for you and so many emotions to go through. You will be in my thoughts and also my prayers it is so obvious that you loved him so very much. Take care Annie We all have to rely on our inner strenght at times in our lives and yours will get you through this difficult time


Posted by @garysgirl, Jan 15, 2013

Thank you so much......


Posted by @piglit, Jan 15, 2013

Take care always here if you need me

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