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Healing after death from Alzheimer's

Posted by @heartfelt85 in Just Want to Talk, Jun 14, 2012

How do you start to heal after a spouse dies from Alzheimr's?
Talking... people get tired of listening...
Support groups.... repeat, repeat, repeat...
Keep active... no motivation, energy...
New hobby... same...


Posted by @piglit, Jun 14, 2012

Hi heartfelt85 so sorry that you have lost a dear loved one to Alzhemiers. I am an aged care worker i work high care in the community. I don't think that unless people have been in the sitaution for caring for someone at home they have full understanding of the situation. I have seen this first hand and it takes such a toll on the family members that are taking care of the person at home. You just have to work through the grief process, one day at a time fairy steps as i say. With Alzheimers it to me is like losing the person who you loved twice. As you know that the memory goes and the person that you once knew slowly went from you when they were living with you. Then the next is that they actually leave and pass away. It is so hard for you i know. I always say to the family that are left to try to remember all the happy memories, although saying this it takes time. I am always here for you anytime that you need me Please remember this Take care Piglit

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Posted by @heartfelt85, Jun 18, 2012

Hi piglit, Thank you for your kind thoughts. My goal is one moment at a time... I think it is just that the sad moments are closer and will fade with time thus allowing the good moments more space... time will tell... heartfelt85

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Posted by @piglit, Jun 18, 2012

Take care my dear and please let me know how things are going from time to time. I',m always here if you need to talk Piglit


Posted by @piglit, Jun 24, 2012

Hi heartfelt85 just wondering how things are going my dear. Here if you need me anytime Take care Piglit


Posted by @carol777, Jun 23, 2012

I think the only way to heal from the death of a spouse whether they had alzheimers or simply one day at a time friend. I believe its different for everyone too. For some it may be a support group and for others that may not help. Find whatever helps you even if just a little bit and do that. I have just become the caregiver for my mother who has alzheimers any suggestions?


Posted by @piglit, Jun 24, 2012

Hi carol 777. welcome . I am an aged care worker I work with high clients. If i may offer a suggestions in regards to your Mum people who have Alzheimers work well with routines in place. Having their meals at the same time, going to bed and getting up same time. Showering and washing the same thing again. Generally they work well with routine and when there out of routine they can become more confused.Staying wihtin their won environment helps to they generally are not good with changes. Hope this has helped here anytime if you need to talk. Take care Piglit


Posted by @seashellgal, Jun 24, 2012

My heart truly goes out to you and also aches for you. I too lost my dear husband on Feb 28th of this year. I alone took care of him for many years, as he became weaker from 2 types of cancer and a host of other ailments, including a fall that left him with a broken neck on top of everything else. In addition to the heartache it can be very surreal. Some days an hour at a time, some days a minute at a time. I feel exactly as you do about people listening, support groups, and my own personal buggaboo, unsoliticited advice from other people, especially women who have never been in our shoes and can't even begin to understand the depth of the pain. I can tell you this much that I know for sure and have learned so far in the almost 4 months he's been gone.....ultimately, you will go through this on a "me, myself and I" basis.

No matter how much loving support you have, you must make the journey alone. By that I mean that only you can decide when you are ready to move ahead, whether it's

going through his belongings, changing your home a little to suit you, if that's important to you, or coming to grips with sudden reminders of his loss, such as being at the store and seeing a favorite treat he used to love and not buying it as you would have at one time. My husband loved fresh corn on the cob, it seemed strange and was painful to only buy two ears instead of the six or 8 I used to. Every day there will be reminders...sometimes you'll smile at the warmth of the memory, sometimes you'll start to sob at the devastation of your loss. It slowly does get better, slowly gets a tiny bit easier. About 6 weeks ago, I came home one evening and thought to myself, it's good to be home. That was the first time since February I felt it was MY home and sanctuary. I don't know if what I'm writing will make any sense to you or not as everyone grieves differently. But, there can be a happy life ahead for you. I know there will be for me. More than anything, have infinite patience with yourself. Do whatever you feel the need to do, regardless of what anyone says. If you don't feel like cleaning...don''ll wait for you. You'll establish your own new life's routine.

Please know you have a new friend who sends you love, hugs and prayers for the strength that you need to make the journey. You'll be OK - I know you will. I'm here if you need me - please keep me posted on how you're doing....I do care...

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