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Having to deal with a loved one passing from cancer

Posted by @lj1982 in Cancer, Jun 27, 2012

I recently lost my Mother to liver cancer on June 22. She had no symptoms up until two weeks before she passed. She started having pains in her side and stomach. I was devastated and still am. The Drs told her it could have started from her ovaries, uterus or colon. She went so fast. I guess they couldn't do anything for her but I wanted to fight to do anything I could. I don't feel it was her time. Well now I am scared I could have something. For the past few years I have had blood in my stools but I thought it could be just hemmorhoids. I also get constipated a lot even when I was pregnant, but when I was a little girl I had a rough time going number 2.Also I am tired a lot and so was my Mom but she told me ever since she was little she liked to sleep. I have no energy most of the time. But then again I have a 14 month old and I don't get much exercise I also haven't been eating the best either. I get migraines a lot, and sometimes I get pains in my lower back. Also for the past month or so i have had a foul odor coming from down there and thats before and after my period. I also get fatigued a lot. I used to think it was because of my pillows not being so good. I bought a new pillow and it helped somewhat. Also I bruise very easily and the skin on my hands, chest, legs, feet, underside of my arms you can see my veins easily. I haven't been to a dentist in awhile because of having no insurance and my gums bleed everytime I brush and floss,but I can remember when I was in mhy teens I had problems with sensitive gums. I always thought I was pretty healthy but after the scare of My Mother abruptly passing now I am worried about myself.

Tags: Cancer, womens health

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Posted by @dee333, Jun 27, 2012

LJ., I think it is very normal for your mothers sickness and death to freak you out. It also happens to the people who fight cancer. You just can't help it because now you know some things are never in your control. Thats really scary. But you need to stop and calm yourself - Anxiety and panic feeds the monsters!
First, many of the things that you discribe are normal at certain times of our lives but you do want to start to control some of them better. If you can afford good nutricious food, I would start there. It will help bring your system back to a balance. (I hope you are not poor)! Poor people are at a very bad disadvantage on all of this.
Research some of your issue/ gums bleeding etc. Learn what you can do to fix this. Find a clinic, get a check up. Fix, what can be fixed.
Drink water, more than you want to, everyday. And above all else, listen to your body, don't ignore/put off when you have pains that are not normal.
Being in debt, is better than being dead.
I speak on experience here. I, like you did not have insurance and put it off because I also did not have money to spare. My cancer would still have been but not as advanced. SO, listen to your body, take care of yourself. I am telling you the absolute worse thing for me IS the thought of not being able to be with my kids anymore. take care of yourself for your baby. You can write me anytime, Dee

sherrybaby124 and LJ1982 like this

Posted by @jansouth, Jul 11, 2012

Good advice Dee333. Losing your mom is the one thing that we all fear. I personally have been grieving for 2 years now. My health got terrible that first year. But like u said, good
nutrition is the best first start. Putting off regular checkups is a no no. Been there and done that. Even without insurance, there are programs out there. You just gotta do the research. I lost my mom in June of 2010. By that November I was in the hospital with pneumonia. I remember being so scared because my mom wasn't there. Today, I concentrate on living well. My daughter, (only child), needs me. Doing for others every day is how I live now. LJ, count your blessings. Get out of the house with your baby every day. Find a way to laugh each day. Be happy. Best reguards. jansouth

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Posted by @lj1982, Jul 22, 2012

Thank you so much. I am trying to live each day as best as I can. It is very hard not having my Mother here with me. It is still so weird.Yes I want to be here for my daughter. I need to carry on the life of my Mother and tell my daughter all about her. I went to a clinic to get a Pap smear but they don't do anyother kind of check ups but gave me a refferal to a place that does so I plan on making an appointment there to get a full check up and tell them my family history and to get checked to make sure I am okay. I also plan on trying to eat better and to do more exercising. I appreciate all of your thoughtful words and advice. Please feel free to comment again and give anymore advice you feel I need. Any help I can get is well appreciated.


Posted by @piglit, Jul 22, 2012

Hi LJ1982. I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. You no my dear that you are in such early stages of grieving. Give yourself the time. It is good that you have a daughter who you adore, and a supportive husband that makes such a difference. I too am a great beleiver in enjoying the moment. as all of us never know what is around the corner. I am a positive person and believe that helps a great deal. Here if you need to talk Youv;e been in my thoughts Take care Piglit

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Posted by @babsubu4evrgmailcom, Jul 22, 2012

HiLJ1982..I am, also, sorry for your loss. I lost my mom a few years ago, and it is still hard sometimes...However, what has always helped me is, when I feel like I need to talk to her, then I do..I will talk out loud, just like she is in the room, and I get great comfort from it, cause I know she is helping God watch over me each day...I also, in April, lost a third (3) Older sister. I have been really struggling with her loss, because it leaves me with no older "female" family to see, and talk to. Mostly, I am having trouble because, against her Cardiologist advice, she wouldn't quit smoking long enough for her lungs to get in good enough condition for her to have open heart surgery to save her life...So, in addition to grieving her loss, I am struggling because, I am really mad at her..I am seeing a counselor who is helping me tremendiously, which I recommend you also might consider...There are free counselors at most churches. Good luck with your life...God Bless you..


Posted by @lj1982, Aug 17, 2012

Thank you so much babs. Yes it is exremely hard for me. All I have is an older brother and we aren't very close, of course I have my father and we have never really been that close either because I have just always been closer to my Mom. I remember My father always yelling at me when I was young and he had a bad temper and I never really developed a relationship with him. I am devastated to lose my Mom and when I miss her or just need to talk to her(I used to call her everyday on the phone) when I feel like I want to pick up the phone to call her but realize I can't because she isn't there I just talk out loud to her, I miss her dearly and I think I am handling this situation better than I expected, I start to think of her and get sad again. A few days ago I broke down in tears just thinkin about things we used to do and will never get to do again, or how she won't get to buy my 16 month old daughter clothes or toys off of ebay anymore. And I look at things she bought me or my daughter and get sad. I even saw an Olive Garden commercial on tv one night and started crying because that is where we used to go out to dinner alot as a family. I might need to talk to someone. I will look around at local churches in my community. Thanks again. And I am sorry for your losses as well.

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