Happy New Year! I remember loving him.

Posted by grandmajoan @grandmajoan, Jan 1 11:05am

Starting the new year with a truth. I don’t really love my husband anymore. I remember loving him. I realize that we did much better together when we were both very busy with work and children, and were able to travel and be more active. Since the pandemic we have been together almost all the time and with my husband’s MCI I have had to carry responsibility for providing the help he needs, taking care of two houses and EVERYTHING else. I have had to give up a lot of my activities to do this.

My New Year’s resolutions are to remember the good times, have gratitude for what remains and be more patient. I am also going to find ways to take care of my needs. It is sad that I am not doing it because of loving feelings. I’m doing it because he is a wonderful man, deserves to be cared for and no one else will.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

shmerdloff | @shmerdloff | Jan 2 12:00pm

"I am doing it because he is a wonderful man, deserves to be cared for, and no one else will."
If that's not love, what is?😪

lkbous | @lkbous | Jan 4 4:46am

@grandmajoan I’m sorry for you. I know what you mean. I’m not brave enough to write or say that. It breaks my heart that I don’t have the feelings that I used to, but, like you, I will be here to do what I can for the rest of his life. I recently posted something I had read that Sharon Osborne said: “If only I’d have told him I loved him more. If only I’d have held him tighter.” I try to keep that in mind much of the time, but it’s harder to live by than one would think. The constant repetition of useless information, the really odd statements or questions, it just takes a lot to endure.
Keep your head up, what you’re doing is noble and kind. It’s your new kind of love.

grandmajoan | @grandmajoan | Jan 4 5:21am

I appreciate your comment. Focusing on being kind is a new kind of love….that really helps.

wctdoc1943 | @wctdoc1943 | Jan 4 10:59am

I understand and you are brave to be vulnerable to say so. I love my wife, but I'm not "in love". But I care and will take care of her to the best of my ability. And my limits are being tested. This is hard, but you all know this. Hugs 🤗🤗🤗.

gilkesl | @gilkesl | Jan 5 9:16am

Taking care of yourself more is an on target New Year's resolution. It's very hard and sad to accept that the person before you is not mentally the man you married, but in fact an unpredictable stranger. Ask yourself constantly, if you were a caregiver for some other stranger, how would you react? Remember professional caregivers are able to go home, enjoy other people and activities and come back refreshed.