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amberpep

~ going away ~

Posted by @amberpep in Mental Health, Jul 14, 2012

Hi everyone. I'm leaving tomorrow to visit my daughter and her family in VA. I have sent all my kids (3) all adults from 29 - 40, info. on cyclothymia so they would know what I'm dealing with. I've also told them what I take.
It's very odd because not one of them has ever asked me about this. In fact, one of them blows me off - no matter what it is - as if I were taking a splinter out of my hand. I had a total knee replacement a year ago and she didn't call for 2 -3 weeks, never sent even a card. The other 2, I must say, "were there" for me, and I was grateful.
When it comes to this, I am more than open to sharing my story with them, but it's as if everyone just pretends it's not there. They really need to know that part of this is genetic. I guess it really makes me feel sort of like "the crazy aunt in the attic."
Thanks for listening.
abby

Tags: mental health

Paige and China like this
amberpep

Posted by @amberpep, Jul 14, 2012

Oops ... I meant Barb. Abby is what I use other less safe places.
Barb

amberpep

Posted by @amberpep, Jul 14, 2012

Oops, I meant Barb. Abby is what I use other less safe places.
Barb

china

Posted by @china, Jul 14, 2012

good luck

amberpep

Posted by @amberpep, Jul 14, 2012

Thanks China .....
Barb

bettyann

Posted by @bettyann, Jul 17, 2012

Hi Abby,
It is just possible that they don't know what to ask...or how to talk about it ... I can understand your feeling slighted, and I am sorry. I know that can be hurtful. I would not emphasize the 'genetic' thing too much, Abby. They will perceive this as threatening...If they want to find out about it ...they WILL....even though they simply may not want to talk about it.
In my family, even though we are close ... we try to DE-emphasize and NOT talk about what is wrong...except when it is absolutely necessary.... and maybe (like I said "maybe") they feel the same way.
Try just being as positive and upbeat as you can...rather than concentrate on the fact they are not giving you what you want to hear. Maybe it would be a good idea if you could talk this over with someone like a minister, counselor, etc... and 'talk it out' with that person.
If I were you, Abby, I would try to give your family good, positive attention and not even mention your condition. I don't believe you will ever regret that approach. It might surprize them and you will find them more open to talk with.
Good luck and I DO HOPE you enjoy yourself and your visit!
Bettyann

amberpep

Posted by @amberpep, Jul 17, 2012

Thank you so much Bettyann. Interestingly, that's exactly the conclusion I came to also. I'm saying nothing, but just having a good time and enjoying being with them. When I need to "get away" for awhile by myself (there are 2 little kiddies) I just come up to my room and either read or take a nap. It has really gone well this time.
Thank you so much for your advice ..... seems that we were both thinking the same thing.
Barb

paige

Posted by @paige, Jul 21, 2012

I just finished reading your post and what Bettyann said in response. What a great help this discussion has been, as I'm dealing with so much of what you described. In my family I think the reason they don't want to connect with the bipolar is because it makes them feel frightened. They're scared it might happen to them. Also- They're worried I'll get sick again with major depression or mania. So- the whole thing goes both ways. The truth is the worst could happen, but it seems senseless to worry : easier said than done. Thanks for reading. I'm new here-just joined today.

amberpep

Posted by @amberpep, Jul 21, 2012

Hi Paige ..... well, tomorrow I head for home - about 4 hours from here. It's time. It's such a strange situation in which I find myself. I am so totally alone, with the exception of my 3 kids - 2 of whom are 4 hours away and one is only 1 hour away. But, I'm divorced (after a 40 year marriage) and everyone behind me is dead ..... I had no siblings, cousins, aunts or uncles. One of my daughters (not the one I'm staying with this trip) really wants me to move down here to where they are, but after 35 years in the same town, the thought of changing doctors, friends, church, and just knowing the whole area is totally overwhelming to me. I just can't do that .... at least not now. The daughter I'm staying with this trip is much like her Dad (who moved down here right after our divorce 8 years ago) and he has a personality disorder ..... NPD, but refuses to face it and get help. As she gets older (she's 40) I see traits of that more and more and it triggers that old stuff in me. She and her husband have 2 children - a 3 year old boy who is just precious and fun, and a 7 year old girl. Her K-garten teacher told my daughter and her husband she thought she saw traits of Asbergers Syndrome, and thought she should be tested. But, they "knew" she was fine and refused. Well, she's not fine, and it makes me very sad to watch all this play out. I try to connect with my granddaughter, but she's wild and essentially ignores me. In the midst of all this, why would I ever want to move down here? It's upsetting and sad, and right now I feel very sad that I am helpless to do anything about any of this ..... it's really none of my business, but it hurts just the same. So tomorrow I go home to my safe place, friends, and church, feeling very sad inside. Thank you all for listening to an old lady ramble.
I'm so glad I found this Board.
Barb

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Jul 21, 2012

Hi Barb You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you venture off tommorrow. Stay strong and positive and remember that I',m always here anytime if you need me. Take care my dear Piglit

bettyann

Posted by @bettyann, Jul 23, 2012

Hi there! I just now found your post, Barb I was so happay to read that it went as well as it did. I can feel it in my heart that you WANTED it to... I am sure you are a very warm-hearted loving person. It can be very hard to accept the natural 'growing and expanding process' when our children simply won't take out advice anymore and we are just SURE "we" have the answers. I have gone through that, still do from time to time, but it doesn't mean they don't love you.
We just have to learn to LET GO and allow them to live their own lives and TRUST that their OWN inner guidance will lead them on paths that are best for THEM...(us out of the picture).You have done your best, Barb...Try not to see their actions as them doing 'something against you'... I don't think they mean that, anymore than when I feel MY own family should be paying more attention to me! 🙂
I've found out through my own experience that the more involved I am in my own life, busy with things and other people--and when I stop EXPECTING my family to feel my own emotional needs -- it is then I suddenly find all this attention from them. I have a loving family, and one of the hardest things to learn is that we should not expect 'them' to fulfill our lives. The more positive we stay -- the more good things return to us... that is simply the indisputable Law of Attraction at work.
I have a feeling you will do just great! Because I feel you really WANT to ... and that's the Key. Love to you!
Bettyann

Paige likes this
paige

Posted by @paige, Jul 28, 2012

Hi amberpep- I have two daughters and five grandchildren.My younger daughter tells me to please move to her home when I'm old. Does she mean feeble-minded or feeble-bodied ? : my attempt to find humor 😉
Like you, I don't want to leave my home and all of the safe places where I know my way around. Still, maybe when I'm 90 I'll change my mind ? With grandchildren it's difficult to stay detached when you see things are wrong. We're not the moms anymore and that can feel like a loss. I hope your feelings of sadness are starting to go away. If it helps any, I've experienced many of the emotions you wrote about. You're not alone. I'm glad to have found this Board too.

amberpep

Posted by @amberpep, Aug 3, 2012

I'm glad I found this Board.
Barb

lovinjesus

Posted by @lovinjesus, Jul 26, 2012

Amberpep, I can relate to that and all I can say is, We have to live with it and face it that our adult children are selfish, tha's the bottom line. I have told my girls (we are in Va also) that I was very sick with MCS (multiple chemics sensivity) before and they brush it off like saying, Oh, sorry bout that." never is it mentioned again. Our adult children, I would say, 80-90% of them think of themselves and their children and thats it. When they have a problem though, look out, they will talk your ears deaf. That's how our grown kids are and we can't change it. One day, just like em, your hurt will turn into, Oh, well, whatever. I don't cry over my children being selfish anymore, it doesn't even bother me now. Enough is enough. My VERY BEST to you. Hey, you have friends here who care. BIG HUG, Gerri (Geraldine)

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