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kdf92
@kdf92

Posts: 1
Joined: May 15, 2018

Genital Herpes (HSV 2)

Posted by @kdf92, Tue, May 15 11:31am

Diagnosed this morning with HSV 2. Already suffer from Depression and this is definitely making it worse. I've been having nothing but suicidal thoughts, even made a whole plan out of how to go about it. I'm scared. I'm freaking out. I'm never going to have a normal life again. I'm 25 years old and never thought something like this would happen to me. The guy who I contracted it from has ruined my life. Purposely. He knew he had it. And never told me anything. Not once was worried about me.

I don't understand though. I'm asking my nurses and doctors questions and it's like they don't wanna talk about it to me.

The last time this guy and I had sex was in February. His baby mama told me he had herpes. I stopped messing with him immediately. But figured she was being just a jealous baby mama. Then I had sex with a guy three months later, we had sex for four days straight multiple rounds each day. (3-4) and by the fifth day I started kinda feeling some discomfort down there. He claims he hasn't been with anyone in a very very long time. I think it came from the first guy though because his baby mama even said it's herpes. Here's the twist. He got tested at the end of March, his baby mama got tested at the end of April and both their results were negative. Is it possible for this scenario?

To test for herpes, find out you're positive, take medicine for it, then retest and it come out undetected because of medication? Or will it always test positive? I know if someone has HIV they can test negative if they take their meds regularly but its still in their body. Is it the same with Herpes?

What do you know of herpes and how much of my life is going to change? What's going to happen? How do I live a normal life? How will I ever be able to have a family much less find a man willing to accept me for this. I feel worthless and disgusting and I hate myself. I've been majorly thinking about contacting mental health but I don't want to be treated like I'm crazy.

This depression has got me with a knife to my throat because of this.

REPLY

Hello @kdf92,

I can hear the urgency in your voice through your post. I am sorry you are experiencing this and that it has made your depression worse in the immediate short-term. I'd like to first give some information about the suicide hotline in case the feelings become overwhelming as you try to deal with your new diagnosis:

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
– 800-273-8255
– Facebook, http://on.fb.me/r6Jp9p

I would also suggest taking a look through Mayo Clinic's page on genital herpes, https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/genital-herpes/symptoms-causes/syc-20356161. This page addresses many of your concerns. I think you are right in feeling like you deserve more answers to your questions from your provider, have you thought about seeking another opinion from a provider near you? Also, talking about how you want to seek help from a mental health provider is not a showing of weakness, it is a showing of strength. If you are comfortable, you may find the mental health group here on Connect worth your time as it is full of active members who support one-another no matter the cause of the depression or issue, https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/mental-health/.

@kdf92, while I can't completely understand what you are going through because I do not have herpes, I do know what it is like to live with something that alters your life and the decisions you have to make. I was born with a rare genetic bleeding disorder called hemophilia. My blood does not clot on its own. It is not contagious, but I can pass the gene on to a daughter who could then pass it on to her son (my potential grandson). Medications exist to boost a hemophiliac's clotting ability and today, the medications are so good that most hemophiliacs don't experience any different life, other than having to give themselves shots frequently, than any other person. However, I had a relationship in my early twenties, that I thought was serious at the time, end because this particular person did not want a family with this potential gene in it. Hemophilia has also damaged many of my joints that have resulted in surgeries and lifestyle changes. So, while I cannot completely understand what you are going through, I do understand the immense burden of facing so many questions with the fear of uncertainty. When I feel overwhelmed, I set out to finish one task or get the answer to one question. I hope you continue to seek guidance from your medical provider, don't let up with seeking the answers to your questions and concerns.

@kdf92, if you don't mind sharing, do you have a support network close to you? Family or friends?

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