FEELINGS....

Posted by stuckonu @stuckonu, Sep 18, 2019

Anyone remember the song FEELINGS, Nothing more than feelings….?
That The Mayo Clinic provides this discussion area is worthy of its own award. In spite of my post here about being alone which seems to generate an understanding that is not and was not my intention. Without going into that subject again , here in this new post , I would like to make one comment here about my “alone…” post; in fact I addressed this in another post in that specific area earlier today : far too often, in my humble opinion, HB’s project their thoughts on a subject based on “FEELINGS” but the mechanism at work comes from HB’s living in and believing in the diametric reality that they learn early in life: if it’s not this , then it must be that. After serving in the Army I went back to college under the GI Bill and besides reading that sci-fi book Stranger in a Strange Land I realized that there were many ways of looking at things and seeing things without, as quickly as possible assigning a value: Good or Bad. In my professors office one day I asked her a question posed to solicit a Good or Bad answer She replied that she didn’t believe in a “ diametric “ world as the only world to exist in. I asked her “ what is diametric and what does your reply mean?” She replied: “ black/white, yes/no , right/wrong , etc, etc, etc…
In war if you think about it “ the enemy “ is wrong and we are right. This seemed to just be the way things are so how can a person not believe in choosing anything without assigning a value? That moment is a defining moment in my life and my education. The moment that Helped me look at thing differently than before… it became apparent that there were colors as well as B&W in our world… it’s easier now for me to GROK what that all means. I signed up for philosophy 101 for the next semester, a suggestion from Doc K after that defining moment in her office.

It’s interesting that when that ah ha moment occurred my peripheral vision expanded forward in time as well as backward in time. The Army absolutely effected and affected me in ways that took time and learning to see and comprehend. There were many more defining moments that happened. I was changing and liked the fact that I could change and see in new ways.
I was never a good student before the Army. I didn’t know why and for the most part I accepted that I wasn’t smart in book knowledge but I was one of those students who did what needed to be done to move on to the next grade. My ART was always with me and assigned grades didn’t mean that it was Good OR Bad, it was a value assigned and stuck on it like a mustache drawn on the Mona Lisa with a Sharpie Few “ art teachers “ taught me anything. I didn’t want to “ TRY HARDER “ which actually became an ad campaign associated with Avis rent-a-car second only to Hertz. It really was a brilliant ad campaign IMHO for a company that accepted that they would never be #1 in college we discussed, analyzed, took apart and reassembled the idea that #2 was just as good as #1 and in other ways to consider what was, what is, and what might be that wasn’t obvious. We did this in English class as well as in philosophy class. I recognized that thinking outside the box was something not taught nor discussed in the town I was growing up in.

I found my self…. I found myself for the first time SAYING OUT-LOUD: “ I REALLY LIKED SCHOOL! “ was new to me and words I didn’t feel guilty to say out loud or to my “ group “ nor did I think of other possibilities before the war called me away to serve…after becoming a soldier, living with other people from other worlds I started changing in ways that were NOT obvious in many cases until later years….becoming a soldier introduced me to things I never knew nor would I ever pursue had an obligation not taken me to other lands and other cultures.
I see old friends from the past now and think to myself: “ There but for the Grace of God go I “

I love my life now and I’m still in search of learning. Look at all of the teachers I have here! 👩‍🎓👨‍🚀👨‍🎨🙇‍♂️🍎🍳🎓⛑🎩 think I included enough possibilities lol

Hi @stuckonu – thank you for your service! It sounds as if your time in the Army broadened your horizons immensely. Like you, I'm a big fan of life long learning and pursuing growth experiences wherever I can. Are you out of the Army now? How are you continuing to learn/grow?

REPLY
@debbraw

Hi @stuckonu – thank you for your service! It sounds as if your time in the Army broadened your horizons immensely. Like you, I'm a big fan of life long learning and pursuing growth experiences wherever I can. Are you out of the Army now? How are you continuing to learn/grow?

Jump to this post

Yes Debbra I’m out of the Army
and I’m working on creating a non~profit to help Veterans. It upsets me when I hear the numbers of homeless Veterans and the number of suicides. What is leading to these conditions?
I can tell you that a number of years ago my house burned down and I called every well known Veterans organization looking for help of any kind and the answer was the same:” we don’t do that “ “ that “ being assist needy Veterans except to vet benefits that the gov promises anyway.
Even worse, I was thrown out of the VA hospital when I asked that my medications be replaced. If you are shocked at this as I was, I can explain and perhaps it will also shine a light on the current “ opioid crisis “. The VA requires that all Veterans who take opioids sign a contract. Among other words and in concepts the contract says: “….NO EXCUSES…” which in essence means don’t come in before a given time period ( once a month ) and say: “ someone stole my pills, I dropped them down the toilet by accident, my brother took my pills, it the dog ate my home work “ if you catch my drift.
Knowing this, I went to the VA pharmacy with my picture and the story in two newspapers, one local one the major state news paper. The story has my picture, name, address, and the words: “ Vets loses EVERYTHING in early morning fire” The pharmacy asked me to sit and wait, then after an hour or so they sent me to the ER. The ER asked me to sit. Hours passed from the moment that my brother and I arrived there. Eventually they asked me to leave. In a way I figured that it was because; besides the oxycodone that I take for chronic pain which is Rx’d for an Army related injury which I collect disability compensation for, I also lost my blood pressure medication, cholesterol medication, and my clonasapam for anxiety and as a sleep aid.
My brother spoke with someone in the ER asking them to explain and they told him that they are required to call my PCP at my “ home “ VA which was the VA facility in West Palm Beach FL my current primary care physician was recently assigned to me and she was clearly a racist which is a whole different story. In any event I went up to the 4th floor at the CT VA and luckily found my shrink getting ready to leave for the day. He took us in, listened to what happened, read the articles and wrote the rx for the clonasapam. 4 or 5 hours had passed since arriving at the facility and most offices were no closed but pharmacy was opened til 6 pm. My shrink can only write for MH medications, Other departments can write for everything else OTHER THAN MH MEDS. My shrink suggested that I get the rx that he wrote filled before they closed then suggested that I return to the ER in hopes that the shift had changed and it had. But the one nurse was still in the facility so when she say me I was one of the people who has experienced being on the wrong end of “ if you see something say something “ I’ve contextualized it this way because it’s a learning tool/method for me. Imagine what it is like to be seen as a scammer or anything that you are not but someone who is held in high esteem points at you and tells others not to trust you.
This nurse freaked out screaming “ YOU!!! WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?” She then multitasked by informing the new shift what she thought was the truth, called VA security, and attacked me: physically pushing me towards the door. As I’m telling you this I am reliving it, feeling it, seeing it play over again in my head. My brother who is a school principal and knows well how to read and how to handle situations out his arm around me, spoke sanely and guided me out the door as the police showed up.
I have PTSD, not from combat or other in service situations but I have PTSD from the fire and this specific situation which BURNED INTO MY MEMORY it’s scared me but in all honesty it has helped me understand how and why we have a homeless and suicide problem with our Veterans.
I need to post this now because I triggered the level of emotions that often lead to a bad place.

Thanks however for you interest and know that YOU DID NIT CAUSE THIS TO HAPPEN in fact it helps for me to reconstruct and write down what happened so I might find a way to put it to rest.
TY Debbra!✌️😊

REPLY
@stuckonu

Yes Debbra I’m out of the Army
and I’m working on creating a non~profit to help Veterans. It upsets me when I hear the numbers of homeless Veterans and the number of suicides. What is leading to these conditions?
I can tell you that a number of years ago my house burned down and I called every well known Veterans organization looking for help of any kind and the answer was the same:” we don’t do that “ “ that “ being assist needy Veterans except to vet benefits that the gov promises anyway.
Even worse, I was thrown out of the VA hospital when I asked that my medications be replaced. If you are shocked at this as I was, I can explain and perhaps it will also shine a light on the current “ opioid crisis “. The VA requires that all Veterans who take opioids sign a contract. Among other words and in concepts the contract says: “….NO EXCUSES…” which in essence means don’t come in before a given time period ( once a month ) and say: “ someone stole my pills, I dropped them down the toilet by accident, my brother took my pills, it the dog ate my home work “ if you catch my drift.
Knowing this, I went to the VA pharmacy with my picture and the story in two newspapers, one local one the major state news paper. The story has my picture, name, address, and the words: “ Vets loses EVERYTHING in early morning fire” The pharmacy asked me to sit and wait, then after an hour or so they sent me to the ER. The ER asked me to sit. Hours passed from the moment that my brother and I arrived there. Eventually they asked me to leave. In a way I figured that it was because; besides the oxycodone that I take for chronic pain which is Rx’d for an Army related injury which I collect disability compensation for, I also lost my blood pressure medication, cholesterol medication, and my clonasapam for anxiety and as a sleep aid.
My brother spoke with someone in the ER asking them to explain and they told him that they are required to call my PCP at my “ home “ VA which was the VA facility in West Palm Beach FL my current primary care physician was recently assigned to me and she was clearly a racist which is a whole different story. In any event I went up to the 4th floor at the CT VA and luckily found my shrink getting ready to leave for the day. He took us in, listened to what happened, read the articles and wrote the rx for the clonasapam. 4 or 5 hours had passed since arriving at the facility and most offices were no closed but pharmacy was opened til 6 pm. My shrink can only write for MH medications, Other departments can write for everything else OTHER THAN MH MEDS. My shrink suggested that I get the rx that he wrote filled before they closed then suggested that I return to the ER in hopes that the shift had changed and it had. But the one nurse was still in the facility so when she say me I was one of the people who has experienced being on the wrong end of “ if you see something say something “ I’ve contextualized it this way because it’s a learning tool/method for me. Imagine what it is like to be seen as a scammer or anything that you are not but someone who is held in high esteem points at you and tells others not to trust you.
This nurse freaked out screaming “ YOU!!! WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?” She then multitasked by informing the new shift what she thought was the truth, called VA security, and attacked me: physically pushing me towards the door. As I’m telling you this I am reliving it, feeling it, seeing it play over again in my head. My brother who is a school principal and knows well how to read and how to handle situations out his arm around me, spoke sanely and guided me out the door as the police showed up.
I have PTSD, not from combat or other in service situations but I have PTSD from the fire and this specific situation which BURNED INTO MY MEMORY it’s scared me but in all honesty it has helped me understand how and why we have a homeless and suicide problem with our Veterans.
I need to post this now because I triggered the level of emotions that often lead to a bad place.

Thanks however for you interest and know that YOU DID NIT CAUSE THIS TO HAPPEN in fact it helps for me to reconstruct and write down what happened so I might find a way to put it to rest.
TY Debbra!✌️😊

Jump to this post

Hi @stuckonu, I just wanted to check in. I know your last post triggered some profound emotions. You said it was cathartic to write it all down. That's a positive. I'd like you to know that I'm listening and offer a virtual ear should you want or need it.
How are you?

REPLY
@colleenyoung

Hi @stuckonu, I just wanted to check in. I know your last post triggered some profound emotions. You said it was cathartic to write it all down. That's a positive. I'd like you to know that I'm listening and offer a virtual ear should you want or need it.
How are you?

Jump to this post

GM Colleen
You asked how I am?
VERY TOUCHED by your post and offer.
I live alone as mentioned in several posts. But it was very interesting how they were interpreted. I would love to find someone to talk with and be with if possible.
Over time I’ve found some amazing women who I get very close with just talking. On those sites, like this in some ways that give a person a place to post their picture I have on purpose left my picture out. My thinking was and is: if a person can see me through my words then why see me physically.
You may have noticed that I refer to quotes, words, concepts, and more from books and movies. I wasn’t a good student in pre-college school. Dyslexia and ADD wasn’t known and or considered a learning disadvantage back then so I didn’t read much. But in 8th grade my teacher put on a little play based on one of his favorite books and he chose me to play one of the main parts. We weren’t required to read the book or the play. Instead Mr M condensed it and rewrote the play for Jr High and he told us the story and we discussed it which was fun and a great learning experience. The story was Cyrano de Bergerac.
I got to play the incredibly good looking Christian. In a sad way I was type cast because I did not read and to a certain degree I got though life on my looks and personality…having a great sense of humor was a big plus. But if I ever wanted to write a love letter I needed a Cyrano.
I finally read the book in the 1970s It’s one of my favorites still

REPLY
Please login or register to post a reply.