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Feedback wanted, never shared most of this to anyone... until today...
first off today I decided to return to my job at time of fatal crash that left me with ptsd, pain and just horible situation, and so today was my last day before I lost the right to demand rehire, and they bastards actually turned me down, which helps me in many ways, also means more time of boredum and possibly more tim to loose the progress I have made..
basically I suffered silently with mental health issues since second grade. but due to my fear of peoples reactions I held it in, but I clearly remember suicidal thoughts starting when I was 8 years old.... And I saw some statistics not long ago, and seems like I am a very rare survivor of children with suicidal tendencies. I just recently started seeking help, and its been what I feared a very long, painful, embarrassing, and expensive process so far and I still don't know for sure my "Diagnosis" one doctor said I resemble a cuter that don't cut.. and I laughed and said well I can't see blood or I pass out... So when I smoked pot, for the first time I actually felt normal... my mom which is anti pot extreme will ever agree my grades, my moods and my quality of life improved. Since then I have been from one drug to the next with each time ending in treatment, and then few months later I hit a wall and start doing the next worse drug... after all of this pain, a lot of horrible events, I am at this fork in the road. I was pretty much fired today when I went to get my job back that I was injured at.... So basically I got a fresh start and my fear is the next drug... only one left and I wont go that route, so I really am considering going back to pot, legally. I have talked to my pastor and parents and both agree that they don't approve because of i "not obeying the laws of the land" but if I am legal they approved... K well I have rambled on an on but regardless if it makes sense it sure was nice to get it all out... SO my question is based on opinions, beliefs and morals is it a bad idea for me to view pot as medicine and not a drug? Please be open I really want to see all views on this. I want to be-able to say I saw all sides of this before I acted, I do not want to feel guilt or remorse later
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WELL UPDATE, yes, this was a huge day for me, a day I actually started to take control, starters both IME's are CANCELED!! I also sought out for the first time, some state assistance, do to this financial hole I am in due to no fault of my own, So called human services told them brief financial burdens, after she checked out my story she told me to come down there will be a food card waiting, I qualified for the max lol 376 dollars a month for food, today I got 150 to cover rst of the month so for the first time in almost a year, since my car accident---- I HAVE A FULL FRIDGE AND PANTRY!!!!!!!! it was amazing to be able to buy like I used to and actually provide my son with choices on meals, I bought good healthy stuff with few treats. also got some references and ideas to get help with rent until my unemployment starts up.!!! I would like to THANK YOU PEOPLE, YOU GUYS THAT JUST GAVE ME THE encouragement to just try, and put myself in risk of embarrassment, for the chance at gaining a little bit of my quality of life back. I just been amazed at the huge progress I have made in a short time, before you guys insp9red me, I would just stay in bed and isolate myself, just had to let you guys know the impact you have had on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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1 ReactionHi J that's such great news, so very proud of you. You have made my day. We may have encouraged you but your'e the one that did all the work to get this into action. This is so wonderful. When we were talking yesterday remember when you said tommorrow will be even better, well what do you know dreams do come true. Stay positive my dear friend and I.m just so happy for you the beginnings of great things to come. Always here if you need me Talk soon Piglit
thankyou, as I get ready for bed, I can just sit here and relax knowing I did all I could today, saw some progress, and I know there will be more everyday, I am really gonna challenge myself to grow daily, everyday I wish to learn something new or do something that furthers my life in someway.. Thanks to youtube I have endless possibilities
Thanks great, When we take on challenges and succeed and you have achieved today my friend. Have a good night;s sleep Will talk later Piglit
So proud of you! Your welcome and I hope you continue being blessed and believing in yourself...
Hugs,
Rox
Try to enjoy this holiday weekend!
Rox
oh I sure am, and I hope you are doing the same!!
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1 ReactionHi great to hear from you again
Had my share of winners. U have 2 be chosier now.
U doing alright