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menodummy
@menodummy

Posts: 17
Joined: Oct 23, 2012

Down n Out

Posted by @menodummy, Oct 23, 2012

Not looking for pity, just some solid advice. I am not trying to hide my depression though some may not see it, many look at me and it is obvious they see something. Since I can remember I have heard and continue to hear, “are you angry”? or “are you sad”? The truth be told, there is something wrong. On a scale of mild to moderate I have most always dealt with depression. This morning I awoke to some of the worse depression I have ever felt. Long story very short, I feel like a complete failure and have so most if not all of my life. I experience a lot of heartache, worry, stress, anxiety. 10th grade drop out, ex felon (30+years ago and in trouble since the age of 7). About a half dozen foster homes. Yet though that and so much more I have been blessed with some decent income producing careers, over time I gave up on them, lost motivation to try. Just sent my youngest off to college and am now an empty nester. Do not have a lot of friends probably of my own choosing. In general I do not feel I have anything to offer. The fact that I have 5 kids is probably the single reason I am alive today. Just being honest. Due to the economy along with my own lack of preparedness, I spend most of my time in front of a computer looking through the events of the day. No motivation, even when things get dropped into my lap. So why am I here? I have spoke to many counselors, psychologists, and the like and I am sorry but they just are not happening or I am not receiving it. Tried some meds for about a month or two to no avail. Seriously do not know where to turn. I do not have the finances to go through any counseling. Any advice will be appreciated, but if you are going to tell me to look at my inner self or try to psych myself into thinking of myself more highly then I am, it is not worth your time. Thanks

Liked by Driftwood

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Driftwood
@driftwood

Posts: 3
Joined: Oct 24, 2012
Posted by @driftwood, Oct 24, 2012

I can’t offer advice, but I identify with you, and your honesty felt comforting.


menodummy
@menodummy

Posts: 17
Joined: Oct 23, 2012
Posted by @menodummy, Oct 26, 2012

Thank you, really


Driftwood
@driftwood

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Joined: Oct 24, 2012
Posted by @driftwood, Oct 26, 2012

Was feeling way low this morning and watched this program on the arts, it helped me somewhat. Maybe it can help you. The program shows how Art changed hundreds of people’s thinking. In one part, teens voiced their individual frustrations in dramatic monologues, Use your sensitivity in any medium that works for you. Here is the link. http://video.pbs.org/program/arts-mind/

Liked by larry305


colleendonovan30
@colleendonovan30

Posts: 3
Joined: Oct 31, 2012
Posted by @colleendonovan30, Oct 31, 2012

Get your thyroid checked out too for hormone imbalances. Focus on the positive and do things to take your mind off of things. If you believe in god than get into his word.


JaydedLayde
@jaydedlayde

Posts: 2
Joined: Oct 24, 2012
Posted by @jaydedlayde, Oct 24, 2012

Hey, Menodummy 🙂 Honey, don’t you ‘dare’ go and give up before this jaded one gets a shot at you! I have been where you’re at (or at least were when you posted) more times than I care to remember. Will you let me try and help you? No, I’m not a professional. I’m just a crazy old woman with a penchant for taking in strays. With a little bit of trust and a little bit of work, we can start making things better and then…well…it will take more trust and more work, but it ‘can’ and ‘will’ get better. I’m not saying you’ll be “normal” because anyone who says they are needs more help than either one of us. I’m a crazy, strange, off-her-rocker, bats-in-the-belfry woman who’s ornery, funny, caring, friendly, and sympathetic, but is as blunt as a … well, I’m blunt. I’ll tell you like it is. I won’t pull any punches. So, all of that said, if you think you can put up with me, send me a message and we’ll see what we can do to get this darned thing turned around! (Hmm…for some reason, I feel the need to add: “I’m not here to play games and don’t you play me for a fool, boy.”) So yeah, like I said, I’m strange…but I’m here and I wanna help and I won’t give up on you. I promise.


menodummy
@menodummy

Posts: 17
Joined: Oct 23, 2012
Posted by @menodummy, Oct 26, 2012

That is very to the point now isnt it. Thanks for that. I have to tell you I am a sceptic. But not because of you but I think mainly it is because I have shared once or twice with some that I trusted has the answers only to be let down. Not because they intended to but because they were not qualified. I wonder if qualifications are very simply put, been there. So I am listening and want to be hopeful.


wargirlb4
@wargirlb4

Posts: 4
Joined: Nov 14, 2012
Posted by @wargirlb4, Nov 14, 2012

HELLO! from one crazy old lady to another! You sound like me. as for you, Menodummy (love your ”handle”), Lyrica works for me, and I study the Law of Attraction, and some other really “far out” stuff. That’s about my only motivation these days, dunno why. Good luck, and listen to JaydedLayde, she sounds like the best bet, and she takes in strays! There are many days I feel like a stray myself, and a whole buncha days I just feel STRANGE!!

Liked by Jaynie


Yati
@yati

Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 26, 2012
Posted by @yati, Oct 26, 2012

Hey bro,
I am not sure I got much to say. I’ve had similar feelings in my life and I know how vacuous good intentions might sound. I what it was like when I felt similar – one the agonizing things about our situation is that we feel alone and that there is no one out there who cares. I guess I’m not what you call religious guy, so I am not about to invoke the power of God as a means to help, but I know that life can be hard and if there is one thing, one small thing that I might have to offer it is that I’ve been there and I’ve been there so many times for so long, where I was so fed up being fed up with my life, where I’d lie on the couch almost unable to move as though my body was like a rock, a thousand pound rock…

I am doing pretty good these days, and I don’t know why, don’t know how, (I have some sense, but not sure) all I know is that things seem better than they’ve been for years. Maybe that can give you some encouragement. I saw therapists, but it always seemed so – hopeless. Sometimes it felt as though I was there to help the therapist and not the other way around, other times I felt some skill may have been there in the therapist, but he or she couldn’t touch me. Other times it just seemed like – how can I afford just finding a therapist…they’re so bloody expensive! And sometimes their words seemed so empty. Like all those techniques that seemed like fuel for the bonfire of cynicism I was tending. And yet somehow things got better. Time seemed to make a difference, even though I’ve been struggling with this since I was 6 – I remember as a young boy, sitting in the family basement, hockey equipment on, 30 minutes before dad was to take me to practice and I’d be there on the floor, despairing, knowing in my bones that my situation was hopeless and no one could ever understand. Over 30 years of flirting with that same despair – and somehow something has changed, just in the last few years, despite everything I ever thought possible, something has changed.

You are so not alone, and our world really is f*ed up, there is so much sorrow and aimless selfishness in this world that depression is almost a sign of sanity. Don’t mean to bum you out by being negative, but I find saying a truth like that can be kind of empowering. No, don’t tell me of the beauty of life if you just open up to it. But in spite of my sadness, I’m not going to let anybody, least of all myself convince me things really are hopeless. Things change, truly they do, and our belief in our own despair is just a perverse stubbornness we seem to have. I don’t need to cultivate more illusions to free me from despair, but we have to find ways to reach out to our family, friends, neighbors, strangers – find ways to accept love, and then one day to give it back. When the time is right. There’s no rushing this process, but don’t give up man, Don’t give up.

Yati


menodummy
@menodummy

Posts: 17
Joined: Oct 23, 2012
Posted by @menodummy, Oct 26, 2012

Thanks for the encouraging words Yati. Actually God is my only source of strength at this time. Thanks for sharing, I hope I too can one day say things are better.


Bettyann
@bettyann

Posts: 231
Joined: Oct 29, 2011
Posted by @bettyann, Oct 27, 2012

Here is an idea! And I have a feeling you would be really good at it. Do you have an organization close to you of some sort whereby you could help the less fortunate…a volunteer job. I am sure that with all you have been through, you could relate to what many people are going through.
There is nothing as rewarding and gratifying as HELPING OTHERS …and it would take your mind off of yourself, because such actions are very healing.
You need to distract yourself from yourself and focus on what you can do successfully and I have a feeling you could be a real blessing to others. Think it over. And good luck to you. 🙂


menodummy
@menodummy

Posts: 17
Joined: Oct 23, 2012
Posted by @menodummy, Oct 27, 2012

Interesting you mention that. I feel exactly the same and I do quite a bit of it which not only takes my mind of of my own insecurities but I feel really good at the same time. In fact I recommend that to others as well. You are right, I can relate very well with them. I find myself back in my depressed state though when I head for home and remain there much of the time. I appreciate the reply and would strongly recommend to others as well. Thank you


Monica.Cakes
@monicacakes

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Joined: Oct 24, 2012
Posted by @monicacakes, Oct 30, 2012

You have a lot of stuff going on on your life and its been that way from the beginning. I have depression along with other mental illnesses and I’m medicated (have been for almost ten years now) and I see two people regularly. Depression isn’t really something that goes away.. You can control it, but that’s about it. If someone asked me for advice concerning what you told me, I’d say not to give up although its hard not to, to try and see a doctor (it took me four tries to get to the doctor most helpful to me) and don’t feel discouraged if the first few sessions are awkward. There is so much I could say to you in hopes of trying to help, but I’ll leave it there for now.

But remember, keeping your mind occupied with positive things is key. Occupying yourself is key as well. Take walks. Volunteer somewhere. Don’t stay in your house all day. I know doing this keeps me a couple steps ahead of my depression.

Stay safe.


menodummy
@menodummy

Posts: 17
Joined: Oct 23, 2012
Posted by @menodummy, Oct 30, 2012

Thanks Monica I think that is some very wise advice and have heard the same from others. Hopefully you will come to the end of yours at some point.

Peace


perrychristlike
@perrychristlike

Posts: 2
Joined: Oct 31, 2012
Posted by @perrychristlike, Oct 31, 2012

Hello, Meno
I hope this isn’t to frank, but after reading everything you wrote, my advice would be to 1st: FORGIVE YOURSELF. I say this because you mentioned a lot of disappointing things you’ve done in your past. We make mistakes, and no body’s perfect. 2nd: After forgiving yourself, START OVER. You mention you’ve had many opportunites to rebuild your life but gave up on them. Keep trying till you get it right, and if you fall down get right back up again! Thank your Higher Power for time and pray for more. You have a purpose in life and it may not be as spectacular as other ppl, but it is your purpose! You mention your kids; maybe that’s your purpose, to stay alive just for them. The rewards you’re looking for to come through you may come through them, and from this, you have fulfilled your purpose. 3rd (and most important): I recommend you STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVEN’T DONE AND START CONGRAULATING YOURSELF FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE; even if it means just staying alive for your children or just waking up in the morning, getting out of bed, and getting on the computer; SOME PPL DON’T EVEN DO THAT!
I personally don’t believe in meds being the answer for everbody, and I do believe in training the innerself, but you don’t want to hear about that, so I bid you good luck, peace, and self love.


menodummy
@menodummy

Posts: 17
Joined: Oct 23, 2012
Posted by @menodummy, Oct 31, 2012

If only it were that simple and I am no suggesting what you have suggested is easy I am saying it is a very difficult spot to be in. I appreciate your response though. You have a good heart Thank you

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