depressed, single mom, please help

Posted by 2 @2, Aug 29, 2011

Professionals, single-parents who identify, or insightful people; please respond. I do not feel comfortable seeking professional help. (I had a friend who’s husband left her. She was seen for depression & given med’s. Her X dragged her health records through a custody battlle & won. She killed herself) . That’s 1 example of y I don’t want records or RX’s. I thought there might be a way to talk to someone anonymously??? I’ve become isolated over the years & have no support system at all. I’ve mostly just worked & tried to maintain(barely) home & family(of 2) for 13 yrs. Not getting along w/ son now & it makes me feel like I have failed & everything was for NOTHING.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety group.

@2

He is 13. He went to my mom’s which was o.k. but now several weeks have passed. My mood has deteriorated during that time. I’ve considered that I may have some social phobia/anxiety as well.

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Fyi: I edited my last response. Wasn’t sure how they show up or when u view. Multiple times now, trying to be more honest & more clear. Not much practice there. I’m obviously not succeeding in being less preoccupied. I did leave to get my car last night(Sat.), though. No longer stranded in that respect. Failed attempt to try a 2nd meeting today(Sun.) & none other available(until Wed?), bad planning. Fell completely apart the rest of the day. Realized I’ve relied on this site(& you) too much. I’ve just been trying to be patient about time it takes to become less isolated and work on building some sort of support system.
Sat.) Forgot to mention, went to emotionsanonomous.org & noticed you can read 4 peoples brief stories. I was more interested in 2. Thought I’d share in case you were interested in reading them.
I lost connection with my email. Not sure if working right but received
6 old message alerts(1st time for any). First thought: omg! please, tell me you didn’t get an alert for every time I’ve edited &/or a bunch of old ones. I learned how to do it without loosing entire text & suddenly became compulsive about it. Also, easier to go in & out of than scroll the half inch window.
**************
2nd of 2

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@b0nnie

Hi. Read your post I do relate. My children are grown and on their own now but there are still issues. I also deal with depression, panic and anxiety. Professional…in a sense of the word. Not degreed or licensed but worked 14 years as a casemanager at a domestic violence shelter. Very sorry about your friend. I have never had such an experience with a friend. I can’t even imagine.
I suppose this is as anonymous as the net can be…’-)
About your son, how old is he? My oldest is 40 next week and there are times I think I taught her nothing but for some reason she learned all the dysfunction her father had to offer. Had a talk with a friend and myself just today about the fact that she is an adult and she has her own life to live. I can do no more. Possibly your son is not at the age you cannot do that.
Bonnie

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“My oldest is 40 next week and there are times I think I taught her nothing but for some reason she learned all the dysfunction her father had to offer.” Sounds so very familiar…I have a 30 y. o. son that I think the same about at times.

To the Mom who originally posted: You may want to take a look at something I have written…. http://www.squidoo.com/finding-your-way-back-from-depression to lead you into it…here is a little bit included that tells a little about my story:

One day, upon being asked, “How are you?” A woman responded, “I have been told all my life, when someone asks how you are, you should politely respond, “Fine. Thank you and you?”…or something similar as people really don’t want to know your troubles. Today, I would like to have just a few moments of your time in hopes that perhaps my story will help you in some small way now or in the future.”

“I am a wife, of almost 30 years, and friend, of almost 35 years, who has found herself separated from her husband and friend the past couple of months. I am a mother with 3 sons, of which 2 are in jail at the present time. One is there because of being irresponsible and not paying legal fines in a timely manner. The other is there because of being accused of molesting a 4-year-old little girl. I am the grandmother of that beautiful 4-year-old little girl who can be quite the eloquent storyteller. I am the mother-in-law to a young woman who could have unknowingly led her daughter into such an accusation because of unresolved issues herself. You see, she carries a fear that her daughters not go through what she did as she was molested by 2 different family members when she was a child herself…one of which, no one believed her when she told…the other recently confessed to the police and she would not press charges. Sadly, she has never been able to close either door and has cried upon my shoulder many times about these incidents through the years we have known each other.”

“I am having a very hard time comprehending what has been set before me and have none of my own strength left. Each day, God is my strength. He picks me up, puts me on my feet and begins the process of putting one foot in front of the other so I can accomplish something besides being consumed by this darkness that seems to have taken over the life of my little family. I used to wonder what it must have been like to be Mary…I think I understand now…but with none of the glory.”

“I hope, in some small way, my pain might bring you comfort in a time when you yourself may be faced with what you consider a “Bad Day”. I pray you will remember God is your strength when you think you have none left. So, in answer to your question, I pose one of my own in response…

How do YOU, think I am today?”

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@2

He is 13. He went to my mom’s which was o.k. but now several weeks have passed. My mood has deteriorated during that time. I’ve considered that I may have some social phobia/anxiety as well.

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Morning ???
I have been away from my computer and taking leave of my senses…LOL!!! I was out in the tropical storm and trying to get some last minute food and birthday cake for when my daughter comes here Tuesday (OMG!! Tomorrow!!!) and found my tire was flat. My road service put the donut on and then got done at the grocery and saw the donut had gone flat. Sooo! with no tire left to put on car had to be towed. I had to ride home in the tow truck. I had left here about 6pm and expected to return in less than an hour and did not return until 9:30 PM. Have just not been available. I am mentally up and running but have a lot to do now. Just wanted you to know I am here and hoping you are doing well. Have not actually read all of your posts yet. I found my way thru so I could find a place to post. Again, this is a confusing site to post on. I want to let you know I have not gone away.

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I was in your shoes and I was in trouble. My ex put me through it I tell you. I know all about the ‘stigma’ of needing emotional and mental help. It is cruel and so wrong. I went for help anyway and I am so glad I did. Back when the battle was happening and after, I just wanted to die, literally. My ex has financial success and my 16 year old only son and my only child decided he wanted to go live with my ex. The good life where anything goes and there is money to spare. I am still recovering. I miss my son. But, thanks to a wonderful facility and me desperately seeking help, I am getting better. I am 52 years ‘young’ and am starting grad school this fall. I have always wanted to go back and get a master’s degree and since my son is not demanding every second and breath from me, I am doing just that. Hang in there, please. When we are in a dark valley and it feels there is no hope, hang on, be strong and do things to save yourself. It is worth it. My heart goes out to you. Single mothers are my heart. It is tough. You are tough. You are a single mother and there is absolutely nothing in the world that we cannot accomplish after that. You are in my prayers. HOLD ON AND BE STRONG!

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@2

He is 13. He went to my mom’s which was o.k. but now several weeks have passed. My mood has deteriorated during that time. I’ve considered that I may have some social phobia/anxiety as well.

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I was wondering if you made it through the storm (& aftermath) O.K.?
Sending friend request. According to site instuctions it makes messaging directly to inboxes (vs.main page) possible,
It would really help to know if you are still there (again)…even if no time for dialogue.

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@2

He is 13. He went to my mom’s which was o.k. but now several weeks have passed. My mood has deteriorated during that time. I’ve considered that I may have some social phobia/anxiety as well.

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Yes, made it thru the storm. Lots, lots, lots of rain and wind. My city got 11″ over night. No damage or problems for me, but lots all around.
Yes, I am here. I accepted your friend request. It may work better if messages go to inbox…posting this way is very confusing. How have things been for you?

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@2

He is 13. He went to my mom’s which was o.k. but now several weeks have passed. My mood has deteriorated during that time. I’ve considered that I may have some social phobia/anxiety as well.

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b0nnie,
Not in a hurry for a reply. Sent two inbox msg. Have no way to tell if worked from phone…..just mentioning it in case it didn’t.
& How R you doing?

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I have 13 dead spots in my brain because my ex used to beat me and in the divorce they still gave him joint custody. He tried to use my mental health against me too. He can also use it against u though if you do not seek help. Then u are not bing the best mom u can be 4 ur children because u r not taking care of ur self. I no it can be a double edged sword at times but would u rather let him win because ur scared of him and ur mental health is suffering because of it. Dont let him win. U win this one. Dont let him hurt u he does not control u. And remember loves the only house big enough 4 all the pain in the world. I will keep u in my prayers.

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you know i worked for corrections and i had to refer my clients to counseling etc. i found out that if i was not court ordered i can go for free and without any record of it, i was going through a horrible divorce, they tried to use my records but they worked in my defense, i sent my clients during the day then i went at night with the new PHI laws and the new HIPPA laws your mental health records cannot be used against you and only what is listed on the law books can be revealed. sorry about your friend. but still get counseling and let them know your concern and how to see someone without it getting out. look for someone to help you most counselors will see you and stick to the laws, don’t wait!!!!

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@lo

you know i worked for corrections and i had to refer my clients to counseling etc. i found out that if i was not court ordered i can go for free and without any record of it, i was going through a horrible divorce, they tried to use my records but they worked in my defense, i sent my clients during the day then i went at night with the new PHI laws and the new HIPPA laws your mental health records cannot be used against you and only what is listed on the law books can be revealed. sorry about your friend. but still get counseling and let them know your concern and how to see someone without it getting out. look for someone to help you most counselors will see you and stick to the laws, don’t wait!!!!

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How did you go for free & without any record of it?…what type of place & what year?
I have checked around & the only answered I get is that it’s not possible now even if I pay. Also, it is a law that all records be switched to electronic medical records. Custody/court is not an issue for me…that was just an example. I do not want to permanently affect/create a health history for any reason, especially for a condition that could be temporary. Even record accessabiliy within the medical profession could effect the ability to get an unbiased 1st or 2nd opinion & what treatment is provided. For example, if I can’t tolerate back pain any longer I would suspect I’d be denied a prescription because of drug use that occurred many years ago. If I wanted to be treated for ADD, prescription choice may also be limited. What if you don’t like a certain Dr., will the next one base their opinion on the first one? Examples could be limitless. Health history could also affect future health & life ins.policies on a pre-existing level & in regards to price. It may be a social anxiety but those feel like valid points to me. I actually don’t understand why more people aren’t upset about electronic medical records, etc. Even my MD volunteered that he thought that was a really bad thing when I asked his opinion of gov. health care.There is no control over who has access to them or what happens to them in the future. And, HIPAA…you sign HIPAA papers as a patient to give permission for release of info…that is why you sign. Why shouldn’t you have the right to obtain & pay for medical service without the gov.or anyone else being involved. That may have seemed like a bit of a rant but I wanted to clarify my original post as well. PHI, never heard of but will look into. I am getting along with son now & have been less depresed but it feels like a struggle to maintain without any ‘helping sources’. I would still like to see if a professional could help deal with issues that caused severe depression including the social anxiety but, that would require me to feel comfortable talking about personal information involving my past and childhood honestly or it would be pointless to go.
Also, if you went for free & without any record of it then how did they try to use records against you?

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girl can relate. I just lost my husband and have a child w anxiety disorder. i have never been alone and i do take anitdepressants but sometimes i just feel lost. hopeless.

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