depressed, single mom, please help

Posted by 2 @2, Aug 29, 2011

Professionals, single-parents who identify, or insightful people; please respond. I do not feel comfortable seeking professional help. (I had a friend who’s husband left her. She was seen for depression & given med’s. Her X dragged her health records through a custody battlle & won. She killed herself) . That’s 1 example of y I don’t want records or RX’s. I thought there might be a way to talk to someone anonymously??? I’ve become isolated over the years & have no support system at all. I’ve mostly just worked & tried to maintain(barely) home & family(of 2) for 13 yrs. Not getting along w/ son now & it makes me feel like I have failed & everything was for NOTHING.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety group.

@2

He is 13. He went to my mom’s which was o.k. but now several weeks have passed. My mood has deteriorated during that time. I’ve considered that I may have some social phobia/anxiety as well.

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I feel about the same way dealing with my mom. I am definitely the weaker one too. Things said can be so mean & uncalled for & out of the blue. I am familiar. I credit AA to saving my life But it was 28 years ago. I quit alcohol & drugs for 5 yrs at age 16. Also, had good ‘mentors’ from that. Not in the sense of teaching in a direct form but just to know such good & together people. Otherwise,I wouldn’t’ have had any contact w/anyone who wasn’t in a bad way. I did return to using & abusing eventually however, a dui & job change curbed it(job is dependent on a license & dif.job added distance to some sources). Then I became single mom & stopped. Now, for some reason if I drink (more than 1) it feels like my heart does something funny when it wears off, like big weak beats. So I have my own natural deterrent. Plus, I don’t go out. When I looked up NAMI, it seemed groups may be facilitated, wasn’t sure I understood it right because I had never heard of such a thing. I detected something might not appeal to you prior to the”it’s my choice,” but they seem to be structured so facilitator not nec. There’s some mystery to why they work so well. The other day I was thinking there’s no threat of abandonment. Noticed there was an emotions anon. but not sure if it would apply to me as well. Certainly, no risk to attending an anon. group if you never have. I didn’t think I could walk in late either but was(& in the past) remarkedly non-threatening. Plus, I suspected I would have a total breakdown if I abandoned the attempt. Also, got voicemail on 3 #’s for NAMI, not clear if opendoor meeting would apply 2 me or not. Forced out to sons IEP school meeting today. Could not force myself to prepare,or get ready until an he prior but it came together quite well. Made me feel a little normal. I’ve avoided looking at papers since June(also,self diagnosed strong case of inattentive ADD). It’s only been a couple of days & I suspect I should be cautious or prepared in the event I go entirely backwards. Avoiding everything is going to make it harder to go forward, also. Never had time for hobbies, love taking pictures w/this new phone, though. It takes me along time to text on it still.

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@2

He is 13. He went to my mom’s which was o.k. but now several weeks have passed. My mood has deteriorated during that time. I’ve considered that I may have some social phobia/anxiety as well.

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Continuation from 9/1. Almost lost the entire text. Have a half inch tall window to work in. Nearly imposible to look back or edit. That was supposed to say an hour before IEP meeting. Yes,ACOA. & outside(yardwork) is how I avoid jobs inside. Not enough time for both. Not doing either in last few weeks. Also, have a bad back. Work takes 10-11 hours & then I’m pretty much struggling to ignore that. After I said that about mayo post, I looked at it again & realized I had added a reply that the site would not allow me to remove myself completely.(I edited that out) I was so mad they displayed my fake name (LOL). If it was my real name I wouldn’t have posted,though…so this time, it paid to be paranoid. FYI, even though my settings are correct, I do not get notified when I get a message. Wish I could edit original topic headings,too.

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@2

He is 13. He went to my mom’s which was o.k. but now several weeks have passed. My mood has deteriorated during that time. I’ve considered that I may have some social phobia/anxiety as well.

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Now I see a bigger picture. A good one, mind you…’-) I, too, have been a 12-stepper. No drugs, no work or legal problems…just realized I was drinking myself to sleep every night and decided I was abusing alcohol and needed to get it together. Learned some incredible things. Wonderful people. Took what I needed and left the rest.
Now realizing your history with alcohol and drugs I believe even stronger that good one-on-one therapy with a therapist who understands and can work with your history and medications for a while, at least, would probably be recommended by most in the field of mental health. Whew…long sentence.
Now, I have to wonder do you have issues you have not touched on here or with a helping source. I am not asking for an answer there. I am just saying what the whole picture looks like to me.
Given that I have to let you know that I believe this is way beyond my scope. I certainly am interested in being a source of support, but professional, consistent help is clearly recommended.
???, in my experience I will say one-on-one is necessary because otherwise you are addressing the peripheral issues and never going head first into the deeper issues. I can honestly tell you the pain is not going to go away on its’ own and it is still there in spite of the attempts you have made.
I see you have “Come a long way Baby” …’-) but you need to dive in and stop just getting your feet wet.
I am there for you and but I can’t go with you where you really need to go.
Bonnie

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@2

He is 13. He went to my mom’s which was o.k. but now several weeks have passed. My mood has deteriorated during that time. I’ve considered that I may have some social phobia/anxiety as well.

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I want to clarify when I say your issues are beyond my scope it is because I see some issues that could really be deep and significant. I want you to know that because when I went to 12-step I asked a woman whos’ story seemed similar to sponsor me. She accepted and then backed off telling me my issues were beyond her scope. She backed off and cut out leaving me with no one. That is not what I am saying. I am letting you know I do understand and that I understand you need more than anon groups. You need the privacy of a trusted therapist who can take you all the way…not just the surface. But I am still here. Hang in there.

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@2

He is 13. He went to my mom’s which was o.k. but now several weeks have passed. My mood has deteriorated during that time. I’ve considered that I may have some social phobia/anxiety as well.

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I can’t believe I said there was ‘no risk’ to meetings? It never even occurred to me that people talk at them(funny?) Or have sponsors. I didn’t do either. Said pass every time for several years & maybe said something brief literally a few times in last couple years. Sorry I said that now. If I had to get a sponser,I wouldn’t like them or go. Yesterday I was thinking, listening to people there was like reading one of these texts, reflection a paragraph at a time. When I said I may not have really put myself out there,I meant it. Helping sources? Also, meant it when I said I didn’t talk to people(co-workers in a normal fashion & my mom). I am glad you are still there. I am afraid I might be as much of a risk to talk to as I view other people. Can you take that risk? Afraid to ask. At same time, I’m still worried about mayo site booting me or something else go wrong. After mentioning site again, I also remembered I sent msg. Directly to them. Will cont.on New pg before I loose entire text.

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@2

He is 13. He went to my mom’s which was o.k. but now several weeks have passed. My mood has deteriorated during that time. I’ve considered that I may have some social phobia/anxiety as well.

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I regret asking that. Your sponsor story made me worried that I could become that type of experience to you & I have experienced a flight type response in the past. Usually w/men though. Doing this causes me anxiety. (Experiencing physically for 1st time in my life since started this, like chest & shoulders get a wave of heat. Especially now & when you said you didn’t plan on going anywhere. The word that came to mind wasn’t ‘shocking’ it was ‘painful’. I knew that didn’t make sense, though. Distracted now from what was going to be my original, more normal reply. Will try in a while.

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@2

He is 13. He went to my mom’s which was o.k. but now several weeks have passed. My mood has deteriorated during that time. I’ve considered that I may have some social phobia/anxiety as well.

Jump to this post

???
Keep in mind we are different people…so we are going to do things differently. Try to not compare yourself to anyone else. We are all the unique people we are. I offer what has worked for me and what I have seen work for many other people. So, with that said, can I take a risk? You bet I can. So can you…you are on here aren’t you? ‘-)
Have I always been able to? No, definitely not. When did it become easier for me to take a risk? Probably like any maladaptive behavior…when the result of no longer taking risks became more painful than not taking risks. Do you ever see yourself getting to that point? Do you see yourself moving to that point now?
I don’t take all the risks I can. One day at the time…one risk at the time and pick your battles.
Bonnie

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@2

He is 13. He went to my mom’s which was o.k. but now several weeks have passed. My mood has deteriorated during that time. I’ve considered that I may have some social phobia/anxiety as well.

Jump to this post

???
Keep in mind we are different people…so we are going to do things differently. Try to not compare yourself to anyone else. We are all the unique people we are. I offer what has worked for me and what I have seen work for many other people. So, with that said, can I take a risk? You bet I can. So can you…you are on here aren’t you? ‘-)
Have I always been able to? No, definitely not. When did it become easier for me to take a risk? Probably like any maladaptive behavior…when the result of no longer taking risks became more painful than not taking risks. Do you ever see yourself getting to that point? Do you see yourself moving to that point now?
I don’t take all the risks I can. One day at the time…one risk at the time and pick your battles.
Bonnie

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@2

He is 13. He went to my mom’s which was o.k. but now several weeks have passed. My mood has deteriorated during that time. I’ve considered that I may have some social phobia/anxiety as well.

Jump to this post

Sorry, did not proof read well enough.
Do you see yourself ever getting to that point…the point of taking risks?

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@2

He is 13. He went to my mom’s which was o.k. but now several weeks have passed. My mood has deteriorated during that time. I’ve considered that I may have some social phobia/anxiety as well.

Jump to this post

” I ” have been having trouble responding ever since & I feel like I’m ‘sunburnt’ from this ‘heatwave’. Did you intend “people do things differently” to include seeing professionals & taking meds? & did you intend prof/meds to be the risk in “to the point of taking a risk? That would affect how I answer, if I do. ‘This’ FEELS like a tremendous risk. (I can’t italicize on phone).

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@2

He is 13. He went to my mom’s which was o.k. but now several weeks have passed. My mood has deteriorated during that time. I’ve considered that I may have some social phobia/anxiety as well.

Jump to this post

???
Yes, I would suggest. Intent is “your” choice. I realize you are taking a risk. You have taken several risks in the last few days. The most important was posting. I don’t imply because you are writing to me, just the fact that you opened up enough to take the risk that you would get response. Do you need to respond? Everything does demand a response. I believe what we have been discussing here is a lot of food for thought. I did say a few things which were more direct and I said that was because your history suggests you actually be more direct. I do understand that may not be possible at this time. Your history is beyond my scope. That does not mean I cannot be a “listening” concerned adult. How say you? ‘-)

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@2

He is 13. He went to my mom’s which was o.k. but now several weeks have passed. My mood has deteriorated during that time. I’ve considered that I may have some social phobia/anxiety as well.

Jump to this post

Didn’t mean to sound so defensive. Meant: mental-blocking, anxiety/heat feeling wouldn’t go away, questions were sincere. Not sure why u think past ‘use’ is more cause for prof/meds. Case you made for addressing bigger issues head on, very impactful & seriously contemplated. Actually, I know you are right. (I had to do some agonizing, about 30 hours, before I could say that.) Does not mean that my issues are as big as that could imply. I decided that I am not willing to take that risk at this time. Additional anxiety maybe putting me in a worse situation.(By that I meant I’m going to have to force myself to be less preoccupied so I can get up & resume normal functioning…have to be able to do that B4 work tues). I was pushing myself in the risk route, but maybe too much (just refering to the hot feeling seemed continuous). I guess I had to when I originally posted and to get to this point. Also, someone like me, could spend years in therapy and not accomplish as much as you have helped me with. It can’t be effective if you don’t talk…..or have enough insight to talk about the right things and ability to take risk. Time & just happening to get the right therapist is also an issue. I think relying on therapy could also be detrimental to someone if it fails to be the answer. That includes my friend. Most meds come with suicide warnings in addition to other side effects, too, don’t they? Someone else out there had a comment that her husband killed themself after 2 mo of them. I really have a problem with the drugs that take weeks to go on & off of. Also, did not like the way I felt w/anti-smoking med. I didn’t really notice until I was mad about something. I felt indifference & vengeful at the same time, seemed like an unnatural combination. It’s not that I’m just intensely paranoid but those are the reasons why it doesn’t feel worth it to me to permanently affect my medical records, health history, and pre-existing conditions. I should mention, I spent 10 years processing health insurance claims (words like ‘pre-ex’ are normal terminology to me). Which reminds me, previous coworkers potentially process my claims. ‘-)
-edited & Reedited-
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1st of 2

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