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depressed, single mom, please help

Posted by @2 in Mental Health, Aug 29, 2011

Professionals, single-parents who identify, or insightful people; please respond. I do not feel comfortable seeking professional help. (I had a friend who's husband left her. She was seen for depression & given med's. Her X dragged her health records through a custody battlle & won. She killed herself) . That's 1 example of y I don't want records or RX's. I thought there might be a way to talk to someone anonymously??? I've become isolated over the years & have no support system at all. I've mostly just worked & tried to maintain(barely) home & family(of 2) for 13 yrs. Not getting along w/ son now & it makes me feel like I have failed & everything was for NOTHING.

Tags: mental health, womens health, weight loss, healthy recipes, rheumatoid arthritis

Posted by Anonymous-558dd7b6, Aug 29, 2011

Hi. Read your post I do relate. My children are grown and on their own now but there are still issues. I also deal with depression, panic and anxiety. Professional...in a sense of the word. Not degreed or licensed but worked 14 years as a casemanager at a domestic violence shelter. Very sorry about your friend. I have never had such an experience with a friend. I can't even imagine.
I suppose this is as anonymous as the net can be...'-)
About your son, how old is he? My oldest is 40 next week and there are times I think I taught her nothing but for some reason she learned all the dysfunction her father had to offer. Had a talk with a friend and myself just today about the fact that she is an adult and she has her own life to live. I can do no more. Possibly your son is not at the age you cannot do that.
Bonnie

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Posted by @2, Aug 29, 2011

Bonnie, now I can't tell if I submitted an unviewable response to you directly in addition to the one to myself in error. But thanks for responding .

justagrandma

Posted by @justagrandma, Sep 5, 2011

"My oldest is 40 next week and there are times I think I taught her nothing but for some reason she learned all the dysfunction her father had to offer." Sounds so very familiar...I have a 30 y. o. son that I think the same about at times.

To the Mom who originally posted: You may want to take a look at something I have written.... http://www.squidoo.com/finding-your-way-back-from-depression to lead you into it...here is a little bit included that tells a little about my story:

One day, upon being asked, "How are you?" A woman responded, "I have been told all my life, when someone asks how you are, you should politely respond, "Fine. Thank you and you?"...or something similar as people really don't want to know your troubles. Today, I would like to have just a few moments of your time in hopes that perhaps my story will help you in some small way now or in the future."

"I am a wife, of almost 30 years, and friend, of almost 35 years, who has found herself separated from her husband and friend the past couple of months. I am a mother with 3 sons, of which 2 are in jail at the present time. One is there because of being irresponsible and not paying legal fines in a timely manner. The other is there because of being accused of molesting a 4-year-old little girl. I am the grandmother of that beautiful 4-year-old little girl who can be quite the eloquent storyteller. I am the mother-in-law to a young woman who could have unknowingly led her daughter into such an accusation because of unresolved issues herself. You see, she carries a fear that her daughters not go through what she did as she was molested by 2 different family members when she was a child herself...one of which, no one believed her when she told...the other recently confessed to the police and she would not press charges. Sadly, she has never been able to close either door and has cried upon my shoulder many times about these incidents through the years we have known each other."

"I am having a very hard time comprehending what has been set before me and have none of my own strength left. Each day, God is my strength. He picks me up, puts me on my feet and begins the process of putting one foot in front of the other so I can accomplish something besides being consumed by this darkness that seems to have taken over the life of my little family. I used to wonder what it must have been like to be Mary...I think I understand now...but with none of the glory."

"I hope, in some small way, my pain might bring you comfort in a time when you yourself may be faced with what you consider a "Bad Day". I pray you will remember God is your strength when you think you have none left. So, in answer to your question, I pose one of my own in response...

How do YOU, think I am today?"

2

Posted by @2, Aug 29, 2011

He is 13. He went to my mom's which was o.k. but now several weeks have passed. My mood has deteriorated during that time. I've considered that I may have some social phobia/anxiety as well.

b0nnie

Posted by @b0nnie, Aug 29, 2011

You don't want to talk with a dr. is the problem ? Have you discussed the issue of med. records with your dr? Are you concerned about a custody issue?
Gosh, you are not in a good place if custody is a concern. However, if it is an issue you will need to be as together as possible for that. No since going down the tube when that will assure your issues could become a medical record. Had I known then what I know now...trust me. I was so beaten down I just wanted to deal as little as I had to and was always up in the air over custody. I just didn't have what it took to keep on guard and fighting with him. I just wanted the roller coaster to end. Well, it didn't and because he had me so down I just went down further. Nothing good came from it. That is what ended up sending me over the edge so to speak. My sons' father was abusive and relentless. Eventually I thought my strength was gone...actually it was then I know now was the time to do what I could to depend on my friends and family who would be supportive, do what I could to get out of the emotional and into the logical...even though I had very little logical to work with. Is there a shelter in your area where you can see a casemanager and attend a community group? Do you have friends or family who can help you? I don't know any of your background but keep reaching out. You really can't do it alone. I was determined I could and I learned we really need to find a support system. In my case, I had been so abused I was bursting with emotion and friends and family actually thought the problem was all me. Eventually they realized but so much had to happen before that...
Do you feel safe regarding your moods and anxiety? Do you have someone you could reach immediately if you were to consider harming yourself? I am offering ideas here and I really should be getting more information from you. I understand you want to remain anon about this...you may able to do that but be ready in the event you do need to reach out for professional help.

2

Posted by @2, Aug 30, 2011

No custody issue at present but I just don't assume one would never occur. I'm glad you made it through, you deserve a lot of credit. The friend's story I mentioned was before my son was born. It was a horrible situation. No abuse so shelter not nec. Also, do not like to add mental health to create a pre-existing condition in health records. Social type anxiety or real concern, I think it is discomforting to have a every personal detail put on electronic med.records. I was educated in th process from getting special services for my son(add & 0cd). I am not sure of what type of community groups there may be. The only one I could think of is ACA. I think that my goal here is to find sources of help if crisis & if it's something that doesn't cause too much anxiety build some support system.

b0nnie

Posted by @b0nnie, Aug 30, 2011

???
I agree with the direction you see for yourself. A plan for if you situation gets to the point of needing more and develop some support. I have to tell you the longer you rstay unengaged with the outside...as in just work and and clean...the longer and harder it will be to take action. Why don't you locate the resources in your community in the event you get in deeper crisis. Are you familiar with the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI)? Since I have no idea where you live I can tell you that you can do a search to see if there is one in your area or near enough to see if they have a ny community programs you can attend. I do not imply you have a mental illness. NAMI has support for all levels of MI such as what you have described, possible social phobia/anxiety. I am in that category as well. Not sure if you realize how much help it is to be among people with similar issues. Yes, these programs do serve the full spectrum of the population so many are in much more difficult circumstances...however, a social phobia is nothing to brush off. A few of my friends have been in treatment for it and I see the impact it has had on them.
You mentioned your son has been treated for ADD and OCD. You probably do then have the conditions you believe you have. These issues, I am sure you know, are biological as well as learned fears.
I have to share with you that I was not able to seriously begin to take my life back from depression, anxiety and panic attacks until I, myself, sought shelter (which you say is not the issue) and had contact with the greatest staff. Sadly, however, my children saw so much of me when I was depressed and fearful and unengaged. This can sure have the "nurture" impact on the children. We sure don't have to be a bottomless source of strength and "You go girl" because that is not real either. They didn't see me begin to take my life back until they had seen a lot of my not being well. If I could ever change anything in my life it would be that. But we just do what we can with what we have when we have it. I am sure you have shown great strength as well.
Are there any groups or organizations you have an interest in? I got into a reading group at the library and it reminded me I could "fit in." The longer you are not involved the easier it is to just forget who you really can be and I imagine have been.
If you can handle the social situations there may be places you can volunteer. Many organizations offer things you can also get your son involved in.
Do you think your son is difficult beyond his age and the conditions he has to deal with? My son was with his father a while and back with me at 13. I also have a daughter. I have some black humor that saved me during those years. We all know what being 13 is like...let alone dealing with it. Let it suffice that being 13 again is not on my Bucket List nor is raising a 13-year-old.
Bonnie

Posted by Anonymous-8efa72f9, Aug 30, 2011

Bonnie, I had anew lengthy reply written, my phone lost the data connection & erased it all. I am going to try this again but thoughts may not seem as orderly. I am not sure if I am going backwards or forward. I have been obsessing that I went online(like, omg, what did I do). I even considered trying to go back & edit/erase all of my words. Resulting in possible revelation that its emotions that I'm 'not allowed' to have vs. Social contact. Clearly, if I could withdraw & resume normal functioning ,that would be the path I would choose. I did go to NAMI site, didn't feel comfortable signing in, not sure if I will call. Also, ran across m.medlineplus.gov/topic/depresion . Under news topics it mentioned moms effect on kids (like what u said). Fyi l don't act depressed around my son normally but have been accused of being non-emotional. Also thought the artical re:mistreated children & depression might apply to me in addition to cause of being so guarded. Thinking adult children of alcoholics might be where I should start but am unfamiliar with. Plus I really want to completely withdraw now(like this is ovedoing it). Bonnie, i think you have a gift for talking to people & I am grateful you responded. You are very wise. I think you are probably like the good people you met when you went to a shelter & you would be good at a suicide intervention or crisis call center. I take it u r done being a casemanager?
fyi, this was 2nd of 2 responses.
Not sure what to do now, putting things out there makes it seem like I should follow up w/ some sort of action but don't feel like I can. Still feel like erasing words.

b0nnie

Posted by @b0nnie, Aug 31, 2011

Interesting. My job included the shelter crisis line. No matter what was going on the crisis line had to be answered. And, because of our agencys' name, we got calls of every kind imaginable. Yes, suicide calls. We were not professionals in that area but not aware we ever lost any of the callers. We were totally anon, had no caller ID and were not allowed to put a trace on the call. Quite difficult at times. AND I worked 2-10pm most of those years and would be the only staff. Would not have an opportunity to send help even if we were allowed...hard to talk on two lines at the same time. I ended ok with it all, but knew if it went on longer it was going to take me down. It did somewhat but not so that I could not re-coup. Not something I want to do anymore. But I did LOVE my job. Some times that is just not enough though.

2

Posted by @2, Aug 30, 2011

I have already been unengaged for years & I don't think it can get harder. My lifestyle changed from single & free person who would not engage in a comitted relationship to single parent, too busy & always putting off time w/friends plus job change & people move,etc. The years have caught up to me & I realize I never really put my emotions out there(including never an on-line discussion). Your responses are really helpful & and a relief because this is really difficult to do. I have been on vacation for over a week, at home, doing nothing except being depressed & unable to focus on something productive. I could find normal distractions but I blew my engine in my 14 yr old car. A few months ago, I thought I had it pretty together except for a couple of issues. Going through psych stuff w/my son & reading about things turned out to be educational & a rude awakening. I realized my entire life has been spent coping & trying to compensate for issues I have. I live in the twin cities,mn & will at least look up what u said to.

b0nnie

Posted by @b0nnie, Aug 30, 2011

You know what, ???, everyone spends their lives coping and trying to compensate for issues. '-) The statement I truly believe says it all and is not a reference to you but to life..."The mentally ill are the same as us, only more so." Says it all. On every level you can think that applies...from being overwhelmed with life at times to chronic anxiety to chronic and persistent mental illness. When we look around at other people it is easy to think our issues are so much more severe. That is simply not true...just different.
You do sound as if you could benefit from some brief talk therapy and possibly some meds. I understand your reasoning. What you experienced with your friend can be life changing. There is rationale to your thinking, but try to think thru how your friends' situation is like yours. No two situations are the same. I believe I hear some sincere suffering in your situation and, while I also hear your concerns, is continuing to suffer the real answer?
The region you are in is widely known to be in the lead on women's issues. From what you have written so far I bet getting some understanding and support in that area, plus some help with meds to get you on track could help you a lot.
Are you aware of what happened a couple of months ago that has hindered your progress? What I see is a person who is suffering with probably depression and anxiety (I have been there and know what it is to feel the effects). Treatment will ease that and give you energy to move forward. Maybe that would help ease the concerns of medical data possibly being shared in the wrong places. I have heard others have similar concerns, but it certainly makes me wonder if the fear of a possibility is worth the anxiety and burden of carrying the weight of the struggles day in and day out. Not pushing...just sayin'.
Bonnie

2

Posted by @2, Aug 30, 2011

Bonnie, note I sent you asecond response almost at same time, at least to read part about you. I like your saying. Group may be ticket to anonymous talk. Meds out of question, avoidance still feels like overpowering option. Also, have personal theory to share w/others (not nec. In regards to this conversation but about general well-being) I think peoples happiness are dependent on their identity & when they suffer loss (family death,divorce,custody,job even) their identity is destroyed,removed, or messed up. I think it would help people to realize that. Creating a new identity, deciding what you want, who you are, & the time it takes to start over may seem really daunting, though
Would you agree that applied to you?

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Posted by @2, Aug 30, 2011

Reply # 4 since yesterday,seems confusing like they show up out of order. It's really bothering me that I've come across as really needy & at least know that it is in complete contrast with my normal personality. Your insight & advice is good & I seem to be hanging on everyword in addition to seeking them out in responses. However, I do not wish you to feel you have assumed a burden when you turned out to be the only responder & with dialogue. Your responses are insight filled & it takes a good person to help a stranger. Please let me know when it is time for dialogue to end(so I can absorb)

b0nnie

Posted by @b0nnie, Aug 31, 2011

???
Yes, posts seem to appear out of order..confusing. I do not see you as needy. I see you as a person who was looking for a healthy outlet for some issues. I don't see you as a stranger...just someone who was asking a question I thought my experiences my allow me to offer something to. Feel free to post when you want. I don't plan on going anywhere and if I had to I would tell you when and why ahead of time. I get the fear of overdoing and concern some I was sharing and learning with would simply disappear. I guess it goes with the anxiety issue. Somewhere I believe you mentioned ACOA may be a direction for you. Definately worth checking out. Have you been involved with them before? If you don't already have a group you know then check out their philosophy on the net. I have nothing for or against 12-step. The programs have saved lives when none others could. Each person in the groups have their own history and beliefs and sometimes group can take on the dynamics of the strongest person in attendance. That can be good and maybe not. If a group is a right fit, and you will know, then that is what is good for you.
I did have some very good mentors and thank you for your kind comments. It is a tribute to them as well.
Keep doing what you are doing. You appear to be an intelligent woman. You were aware things were not exactly what you wanted and you have been looking for answers. Not that I have the answers but I have to say once I realized a direction I could not absorb enough information. I craved it.
No not a case manager any longer. That was an environment I had to leave for my own sake. It ended up there was just not enough support and that is critical that field.
Now, I am on my own time and direction for 6 years. For me it is a good place to be. I hate to be so cliche' but honestly life is a journey and not a destiny. Keep in mind I was searching the same website for some answers for myself when I ran across your post. We were both looking. It is a journey.
Bonnie

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Posted by @2, Aug 31, 2011

Trying to post since yesterday, can't say why but having trouble...had a positive to share, also.

b0nnie

Posted by @b0nnie, Aug 31, 2011

This post came thru. You might continue to try. Looking forward to what your good news is.

2

Posted by @2, Aug 31, 2011

That would have been more clear if I hadn't erased half (first time I've erased). Meant to say "I" am having trouble posting, not sure why. & that I didn't disappear.

2

Posted by @2, Aug 31, 2011

Or wait a minute, you didn't actually know what I meant the first time? That struck me kind of funny '-)

b0nnie

Posted by @b0nnie, Aug 31, 2011

Guess I didn't know what you were meaning. '-) A problem I have is the posts showing up all over and then I even got notice you had posted and it showed up in my spam box. Go figure.

Posted by Anonymous-8efa72f9, Aug 31, 2011

Funny, that one went through twice. Editing to this. Phone not so easy to work w/. Ok, now myself or my phone aren't cooperating. Does not want me to edit & submitted in the middle of doing so

Posted by Anonymous-8efa72f9, Sep 1, 2011

Phone seriously not cooperating again. Not letting me edit original or erase duplicate.

2

Posted by @2, Sep 1, 2011

#5. Going back to #'s then. If phone submits I'm going to just cont. on new #. Will backtrack a little. (Mind has been full of thoughts but mental block for writing. Surprised it was easier before as I've avoided writing all my life, also. Also, feel like there will be some surprise limit to discussion pg). I had considered that you were searching that site for something, if it was answered, I knew I had none. Glad you shared call center story. My original text said I thought u would be aws0me w/#0 cause spellchecker wouldn't take it (also, it just tried to change it to 'weekly' incase you run across words that don't make sensein my text. You have had a lot to offer & by sharing. You 'kept me on' is what I was thinking & answered the call. It's not that I think what's going on seems so much more serious than others' problems, things just seemed so pointless & pointless to try anymore. Did you see my 11:31 foment on identity(maybe some of that going on since son has been out of the house,too). Battery low, changing locations & will start #6.

2

Posted by @2, Sep 1, 2011

#6 yesterday I considered that you were already gone. I was going to post one more time & mention 'the positive' in the event you weren't entirely. I did manage to leave the house & go to an ACA meeting. Thought I was well already on the way home(meant to be funny). However, I resumed immediately back to 24 hrs of 'paralysis'. Since it has some focus on the impact of childhood,is a good thing, I think. Thought a lot about that since I saw that news article & about when I was 13, since you mentioned it. A lot. Am blaming that on the whole social issue & the inability to communicate on a personal level. Don't think I have ever done so to this level. Also, shocked(don't have a better word) for you to say you aren't going anywhere. First thought was,"well, ya you will". Although, I believe you are sincere. Second thought,"something else will happen then." That reminds me of something(meant to be funny). I thought maybe mayo would remove me entirely if they got around to noticing my mad discussion accusing them of privacy breach. You know my thing for anonymity, it listed my full name(good thing I picked a funny one) & wouldn't let me remove it. I think you can see both if you click on my ??? name, under discussions & click friends then browse member. It was on like pg 6 or7 last I saw because so many people had joined.

??? likes this
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Posted by @2, Sep 1, 2011

#7 i'd like to ask this now... How are you? Where you just searching on 8/29 or did you know what you were searching for?
should you feel like sharing: What happened when you went over the edge, so to speak? Where the mentors & services outside the medical field enough to bring you to the time where you felt you had some direction? did you seek help originally at the same place you worked? How & does anxiety affect you now and what do you do to manage it. I suspect you are good at applying the knowledge & perspective you have gained.

b0nnie

Posted by @b0nnie, Sep 2, 2011

Evening ???
Honestly I am fine. LOL!!! I have to say it has been among the worst of my recent days. But I am fine. I was searching for info on the meds I was changing when I saw your post...trying to see what kind of symptoms and what to expect from the change. Not much to find there...had to search elsewhere. Honestly, once I managed to decide it was time to get out and go to shelter I was a sponge...I wanted to suck up any and all information I could. I was able to get help thru group therapy within the community. Feeling safe physically and emotionally did a lot of the work for me. Yes, I sought help at the shelter where I began to work.
It was good you were able to get out of your home and be around people. Whaat is the group you attend Adult Children of Alcoholics? I know it referred to as ACOA if that is what the group is. I sort of got the idea you had been to the group in the past.
It has crossed my mind to seek a group like that for a bit..or a while. My own children and I are so dysfunctional I feel like I am taking body blows dealing with my daughter at times. A bit hesitant about unmoderated groups with no professional involved. That is my choice...I know 12-step has saved people and families when nothing else could.
Do you have plans for the holiday weekend? Good time to get out here. Do you do any photography or anything else that would encourage you to get outside?

2

Posted by @2, Sep 2, 2011

I feel about the same way dealing with my mom. I am definitely the weaker one too. Things said can be so mean & uncalled for & out of the blue. I am familiar. I credit AA to saving my life But it was 28 years ago. I quit alcohol & drugs for 5 yrs at age 16. Also, had good 'mentors' from that. Not in the sense of teaching in a direct form but just to know such good & together people. Otherwise,I wouldn't' have had any contact w/anyone who wasn't in a bad way. I did return to using & abusing eventually however, a dui & job change curbed it(job is dependent on a license & dif.job added distance to some sources). Then I became single mom & stopped. Now, for some reason if I drink (more than 1) it feels like my heart does something funny when it wears off, like big weak beats. So I have my own natural deterrent. Plus, I don't go out. When I looked up NAMI, it seemed groups may be facilitated, wasn't sure I understood it right because I had never heard of such a thing. I detected something might not appeal to you prior to the"it's my choice," but they seem to be structured so facilitator not nec. There's some mystery to why they work so well. The other day I was thinking there's no threat of abandonment. Noticed there was an emotions anon. but not sure if it would apply to me as well. Certainly, no risk to attending an anon. group if you never have. I didn't think I could walk in late either but was(& in the past) remarkedly non-threatening. Plus, I suspected I would have a total breakdown if I abandoned the attempt. Also, got voicemail on 3 #'s for NAMI, not clear if opendoor meeting would apply 2 me or not. Forced out to sons IEP school meeting today. Could not force myself to prepare,or get ready until an he prior but it came together quite well. Made me feel a little normal. I've avoided looking at papers since June(also,self diagnosed strong case of inattentive ADD). It's only been a couple of days & I suspect I should be cautious or prepared in the event I go entirely backwards. Avoiding everything is going to make it harder to go forward, also. Never had time for hobbies, love taking pictures w/this new phone, though. It takes me along time to text on it still.

2

Posted by @2, Sep 2, 2011

Continuation from 9/1. Almost lost the entire text. Have a half inch tall window to work in. Nearly imposible to look back or edit. That was supposed to say an hour before IEP meeting. Yes,ACOA. & outside(yardwork) is how I avoid jobs inside. Not enough time for both. Not doing either in last few weeks. Also, have a bad back. Work takes 10-11 hours & then I'm pretty much struggling to ignore that. After I said that about mayo post, I looked at it again & realized I had added a reply that the site would not allow me to remove myself completely.(I edited that out) I was so mad they displayed my fake name (LOL). If it was my real name I wouldn't have posted,though...so this time, it paid to be paranoid. FYI, even though my settings are correct, I do not get notified when I get a message. Wish I could edit original topic headings,too.

b0nnie

Posted by @b0nnie, Sep 2, 2011

Now I see a bigger picture. A good one, mind you...'-) I, too, have been a 12-stepper. No drugs, no work or legal problems...just realized I was drinking myself to sleep every night and decided I was abusing alcohol and needed to get it together. Learned some incredible things. Wonderful people. Took what I needed and left the rest.
Now realizing your history with alcohol and drugs I believe even stronger that good one-on-one therapy with a therapist who understands and can work with your history and medications for a while, at least, would probably be recommended by most in the field of mental health. Whew...long sentence.
Now, I have to wonder do you have issues you have not touched on here or with a helping source. I am not asking for an answer there. I am just saying what the whole picture looks like to me.
Given that I have to let you know that I believe this is way beyond my scope. I certainly am interested in being a source of support, but professional, consistent help is clearly recommended.
???, in my experience I will say one-on-one is necessary because otherwise you are addressing the peripheral issues and never going head first into the deeper issues. I can honestly tell you the pain is not going to go away on its' own and it is still there in spite of the attempts you have made.
I see you have "Come a long way Baby" ...'-) but you need to dive in and stop just getting your feet wet.
I am there for you and but I can't go with you where you really need to go.
Bonnie

b0nnie

Posted by @b0nnie, Sep 2, 2011

I want to clarify when I say your issues are beyond my scope it is because I see some issues that could really be deep and significant. I want you to know that because when I went to 12-step I asked a woman whos' story seemed similar to sponsor me. She accepted and then backed off telling me my issues were beyond her scope. She backed off and cut out leaving me with no one. That is not what I am saying. I am letting you know I do understand and that I understand you need more than anon groups. You need the privacy of a trusted therapist who can take you all the way...not just the surface. But I am still here. Hang in there.

2

Posted by @2, Sep 2, 2011

I can't believe I said there was 'no risk' to meetings? It never even occurred to me that people talk at them(funny?) Or have sponsors. I didn't do either. Said pass every time for several years & maybe said something brief literally a few times in last couple years. Sorry I said that now. If I had to get a sponser,I wouldn't like them or go. Yesterday I was thinking, listening to people there was like reading one of these texts, reflection a paragraph at a time. When I said I may not have really put myself out there,I meant it. Helping sources? Also, meant it when I said I didn't talk to people(co-workers in a normal fashion & my mom). I am glad you are still there. I am afraid I might be as much of a risk to talk to as I view other people. Can you take that risk? Afraid to ask. At same time, I'm still worried about mayo site booting me or something else go wrong. After mentioning site again, I also remembered I sent msg. Directly to them. Will cont.on New pg before I loose entire text.

b0nnie

Posted by @b0nnie, Sep 2, 2011

???
Keep in mind we are different people...so we are going to do things differently. Try to not compare yourself to anyone else. We are all the unique people we are. I offer what has worked for me and what I have seen work for many other people. So, with that said, can I take a risk? You bet I can. So can you...you are on here aren't you? '-)
Have I always been able to? No, definitely not. When did it become easier for me to take a risk? Probably like any maladaptive behavior...when the result of no longer taking risks became more painful than not taking risks. Do you ever see yourself getting to that point? Do you see yourself moving to that point now?
I don't take all the risks I can. One day at the time...one risk at the time and pick your battles.
Bonnie

b0nnie

Posted by @b0nnie, Sep 2, 2011

Sorry, did not proof read well enough.
Do you see yourself ever getting to that point...the point of taking risks?

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Posted by @2, Sep 2, 2011

" I " have been having trouble responding ever since & I feel like I'm 'sunburnt' from this 'heatwave'. Did you intend "people do things differently" to include seeing professionals & taking meds? & did you intend prof/meds to be the risk in "to the point of taking a risk? That would affect how I answer, if I do. 'This' FEELS like a tremendous risk. (I can't italicize on phone).

b0nnie

Posted by @b0nnie, Sep 2, 2011

???
Yes, I would suggest. Intent is "your" choice. I realize you are taking a risk. You have taken several risks in the last few days. The most important was posting. I don't imply because you are writing to me, just the fact that you opened up enough to take the risk that you would get response. Do you need to respond? Everything does demand a response. I believe what we have been discussing here is a lot of food for thought. I did say a few things which were more direct and I said that was because your history suggests you actually be more direct. I do understand that may not be possible at this time. Your history is beyond my scope. That does not mean I cannot be a "listening" concerned adult. How say you? '-)

2

Posted by @2, Sep 3, 2011

Didn't mean to sound so defensive. Meant: mental-blocking, anxiety/heat feeling wouldn't go away, questions were sincere. Not sure why u think past 'use' is more cause for prof/meds. Case you made for addressing bigger issues head on, very impactful & seriously contemplated. Actually, I know you are right. (I had to do some agonizing, about 30 hours, before I could say that.) Does not mean that my issues are as big as that could imply. I decided that I am not willing to take that risk at this time. Additional anxiety maybe putting me in a worse situation.(By that I meant I'm going to have to force myself to be less preoccupied so I can get up & resume normal functioning...have to be able to do that B4 work tues). I was pushing myself in the risk route, but maybe too much (just refering to the hot feeling seemed continuous). I guess I had to when I originally posted and to get to this point. Also, someone like me, could spend years in therapy and not accomplish as much as you have helped me with. It can't be effective if you don't talk.....or have enough insight to talk about the right things and ability to take risk. Time & just happening to get the right therapist is also an issue. I think relying on therapy could also be detrimental to someone if it fails to be the answer. That includes my friend. Most meds come with suicide warnings in addition to other side effects, too, don't they? Someone else out there had a comment that her husband killed themself after 2 mo of them. I really have a problem with the drugs that take weeks to go on & off of. Also, did not like the way I felt w/anti-smoking med. I didn't really notice until I was mad about something. I felt indifference & vengeful at the same time, seemed like an unnatural combination. It's not that I'm just intensely paranoid but those are the reasons why it doesn't feel worth it to me to permanently affect my medical records, health history, and pre-existing conditions. I should mention, I spent 10 years processing health insurance claims (words like 'pre-ex' are normal terminology to me). Which reminds me, previous coworkers potentially process my claims. '-)
-edited & Reedited-
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1st of 2

2

Posted by @2, Sep 3, 2011

Fyi: I edited my last response. Wasn't sure how they show up or when u view. Multiple times now, trying to be more honest & more clear. Not much practice there. I'm obviously not succeeding in being less preoccupied. I did leave to get my car last night(Sat.), though. No longer stranded in that respect. Failed attempt to try a 2nd meeting today(Sun.) & none other available(until Wed?), bad planning. Fell completely apart the rest of the day. Realized I've relied on this site(& you) too much. I've just been trying to be patient about time it takes to become less isolated and work on building some sort of support system.
Sat.) Forgot to mention, went to emotionsanonomous.org & noticed you can read 4 peoples brief stories. I was more interested in 2. Thought I'd share in case you were interested in reading them.
I lost connection with my email. Not sure if working right but received
6 old message alerts(1st time for any). First thought: omg! please, tell me you didn't get an alert for every time I've edited &/or a bunch of old ones. I learned how to do it without loosing entire text & suddenly became compulsive about it. Also, easier to go in & out of than scroll the half inch window.
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2nd of 2

b0nnie

Posted by @b0nnie, Sep 5, 2011

Morning ???
I have been away from my computer and taking leave of my senses...LOL!!! I was out in the tropical storm and trying to get some last minute food and birthday cake for when my daughter comes here Tuesday (OMG!! Tomorrow!!!) and found my tire was flat. My road service put the donut on and then got done at the grocery and saw the donut had gone flat. Sooo! with no tire left to put on car had to be towed. I had to ride home in the tow truck. I had left here about 6pm and expected to return in less than an hour and did not return until 9:30 PM. Have just not been available. I am mentally up and running but have a lot to do now. Just wanted you to know I am here and hoping you are doing well. Have not actually read all of your posts yet. I found my way thru so I could find a place to post. Again, this is a confusing site to post on. I want to let you know I have not gone away.

2

Posted by @2, Sep 13, 2011

I was wondering if you made it through the storm (& aftermath) O.K.?
Sending friend request. According to site instuctions it makes messaging directly to inboxes (vs.main page) possible,
It would really help to know if you are still there (again)...even if no time for dialogue.

b0nnie

Posted by @b0nnie, Sep 13, 2011

Yes, made it thru the storm. Lots, lots, lots of rain and wind. My city got 11" over night. No damage or problems for me, but lots all around.
Yes, I am here. I accepted your friend request. It may work better if messages go to inbox...posting this way is very confusing. How have things been for you?

2

Posted by @2, Sep 15, 2011

b0nnie,
Not in a hurry for a reply. Sent two inbox msg. Have no way to tell if worked from phone.....just mentioning it in case it didn't.
& How R you doing?

b0nnie

Posted by @b0nnie, Sep 2, 2011

???
Keep in mind we are different people...so we are going to do things differently. Try to not compare yourself to anyone else. We are all the unique people we are. I offer what has worked for me and what I have seen work for many other people. So, with that said, can I take a risk? You bet I can. So can you...you are on here aren't you? '-)
Have I always been able to? No, definitely not. When did it become easier for me to take a risk? Probably like any maladaptive behavior...when the result of no longer taking risks became more painful than not taking risks. Do you ever see yourself getting to that point? Do you see yourself moving to that point now?
I don't take all the risks I can. One day at the time...one risk at the time and pick your battles.
Bonnie

2

Posted by @2, Sep 2, 2011

I regret asking that. Your sponsor story made me worried that I could become that type of experience to you & I have experienced a flight type response in the past. Usually w/men though. Doing this causes me anxiety. (Experiencing physically for 1st time in my life since started this, like chest & shoulders get a wave of heat. Especially now & when you said you didn't plan on going anywhere. The word that came to mind wasn't 'shocking' it was 'painful'. I knew that didn't make sense, though. Distracted now from what was going to be my original, more normal reply. Will try in a while.

marsha1977

Posted by @marsha1977, Sep 5, 2011

I was in your shoes and I was in trouble. My ex put me through it I tell you. I know all about the 'stigma' of needing emotional and mental help. It is cruel and so wrong. I went for help anyway and I am so glad I did. Back when the battle was happening and after, I just wanted to die, literally. My ex has financial success and my 16 year old only son and my only child decided he wanted to go live with my ex. The good life where anything goes and there is money to spare. I am still recovering. I miss my son. But, thanks to a wonderful facility and me desperately seeking help, I am getting better. I am 52 years 'young' and am starting grad school this fall. I have always wanted to go back and get a master's degree and since my son is not demanding every second and breath from me, I am doing just that. Hang in there, please. When we are in a dark valley and it feels there is no hope, hang on, be strong and do things to save yourself. It is worth it. My heart goes out to you. Single mothers are my heart. It is tough. You are tough. You are a single mother and there is absolutely nothing in the world that we cannot accomplish after that. You are in my prayers. HOLD ON AND BE STRONG!

pattywhalen likes this
broken

Posted by @broken, Sep 16, 2011

I have 13 dead spots in my brain because my ex used to beat me and in the divorce they still gave him joint custody. He tried to use my mental health against me too. He can also use it against u though if you do not seek help. Then u are not bing the best mom u can be 4 ur children because u r not taking care of ur self. I no it can be a double edged sword at times but would u rather let him win because ur scared of him and ur mental health is suffering because of it. Dont let him win. U win this one. Dont let him hurt u he does not control u. And remember loves the only house big enough 4 all the pain in the world. I will keep u in my prayers.

pattywhalen likes this
lo

Posted by @lo, Oct 11, 2011

you know i worked for corrections and i had to refer my clients to counseling etc. i found out that if i was not court ordered i can go for free and without any record of it, i was going through a horrible divorce, they tried to use my records but they worked in my defense, i sent my clients during the day then i went at night with the new PHI laws and the new HIPPA laws your mental health records cannot be used against you and only what is listed on the law books can be revealed. sorry about your friend. but still get counseling and let them know your concern and how to see someone without it getting out. look for someone to help you most counselors will see you and stick to the laws, don't wait!!!!

2

Posted by @2, Oct 11, 2011

How did you go for free & without any record of it?...what type of place & what year?
I have checked around & the only answered I get is that it's not possible now even if I pay. Also, it is a law that all records be switched to electronic medical records. Custody/court is not an issue for me...that was just an example. I do not want to permanently affect/create a health history for any reason, especially for a condition that could be temporary. Even record accessabiliy within the medical profession could effect the ability to get an unbiased 1st or 2nd opinion & what treatment is provided. For example, if I can't tolerate back pain any longer I would suspect I'd be denied a prescription because of drug use that occurred many years ago. If I wanted to be treated for ADD, prescription choice may also be limited. What if you don't like a certain Dr., will the next one base their opinion on the first one? Examples could be limitless. Health history could also affect future health & life ins.policies on a pre-existing level & in regards to price. It may be a social anxiety but those feel like valid points to me. I actually don't understand why more people aren't upset about electronic medical records, etc. Even my MD volunteered that he thought that was a really bad thing when I asked his opinion of gov. health care.There is no control over who has access to them or what happens to them in the future. And, HIPAA...you sign HIPAA papers as a patient to give permission for release of info...that is why you sign. Why shouldn't you have the right to obtain & pay for medical service without the gov.or anyone else being involved. That may have seemed like a bit of a rant but I wanted to clarify my original post as well. PHI, never heard of but will look into. I am getting along with son now & have been less depresed but it feels like a struggle to maintain without any 'helping sources'. I would still like to see if a professional could help deal with issues that caused severe depression including the social anxiety but, that would require me to feel comfortable talking about personal information involving my past and childhood honestly or it would be pointless to go.
Also, if you went for free & without any record of it then how did they try to use records against you?

sad

Posted by @sad, Nov 19, 2011

girl can relate. I just lost my husband and have a child w anxiety disorder. i have never been alone and i do take anitdepressants but sometimes i just feel lost. hopeless.

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