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doninnc

dementia, hatefulness

Posted by @doninnc in Just Want to Talk, Aug 19, 2012

Dad was diagnosed with dementia about 4 months ago, he is becoming very hateful to my Mom and very paranoid about everyone. He wants to move out, but he tried that before and couldnt medicate himself and ended up in the hospital. The family tries to help, but he puts on an act when we're there, then turns angry when we leave. How can I make life more bearable for my Mom? He will not allow another person to come in and help, as a caregiver. He still works on his farm, but is constantly breaking his equipment.

Tags: dementia

bettyann

Posted by @bettyann, Aug 19, 2012

I'm so sorry, Don, that you and your mother, and all your family, are going through this. I know it is difficult. It is only from my own experience in working in nursing homes, lock facilities, and home care that I say this -- but it truly does sound to me like your father is in the 1st stage of Alzheimers... His actions are far more complicated than people simply suffering from dimentia. We have a lady in our senior bldg right now who is going through the same thing ... (sounds SO much like your father's situation and she can 'fool people' at times) but legally, so many hands are tied.
Maybe you and your mother (and other family) could ask for a private consult with this doctor and express all of your concerns to him. I hope your father is not physically abusive to your mother, because she should NEVER have to live in fear of that.
If it is not Alzheimers, it sounds as if there is something that has gone wrong with the wiring in his brain -- and perhaps this doctor just gave it a blanket label of 'dimentia'....but anyway, please consider a family consult with the doctor... that could at least get the ball rolling in the right direction of taking some positive steps. Best wishes to all of you.

doninnc

Posted by @doninnc, Aug 19, 2012

Thanks so much Betty, I think we will meet with the Dr and explain things to him. Unfortunately in Dads paranoia he keeps changing Drs not believing what he'
s being told. And no he's not physical harming her, but she is scared and locks her br door and keeps mace nearby. Thanks again

bettyann

Posted by @bettyann, Aug 19, 2012

Your family needs to meet privately with the doc...no dad around. One more idea is to chat with the Social Service dept at the hospital that you have used most often...hopefully one connected with your 'current' doctor! 🙂 Very often they have soloutions that even drs might not have. Again, good luck! 🙂

anon93504009

Posted by @anon93504009, Aug 25, 2012

I f she is scared and locking her door and has mace, there may be more going on than she's telling you. I can tell you I was scared when my mom became physical with me, biting my arms and shoving me. Hopefully, talking to the doctor will help find a solution.

piglit

Posted by @piglit, Aug 19, 2012

Hi Don I',m so sorry that you and your family are experiencing these issues with your Dad. I work in high care aged care and work with people who have dementia, alzheimers etc. These behavioural changes and paranoia unfortunately go with the condition. It is also very common for the person to get angry with the main family member that is caring for them in this case being your Mum. With dementia it depends as to how quickly it advances as to the symptons increasing. Generally with early stage dementia the paranoia and behaviour may not be as intense so he may be at a later stage of dementia. It;s a pity that he won't accept help. So I would be talking with your Dr. in regards to this sometimes a change in the medication can help. It maybe also a good idea not to leave your Mum alone with him all the time to give her more support as she is scared which I can fullly understand, physical can also go with his dementia. They can change from being quite okay to very angry and aggressive within seconds. What tends to cause this is that your Dad is feeling frustrated , he knows that something is not right but doesn't know what it is. It is also good to get things in routine. Meals at the same time , showering etc any upset in routine will generally tend to make the behavioual issues increase. Please take care and always here anytime that you just need to talk Piglit

anon93504009

Posted by @anon93504009, Aug 25, 2012

I'm so sorry for your family. My mom had it and for a period of time turned from the sweetest lady to a mean snarling biting (!) wife and mom. We had to get her some medication and an in home caretaker to help my dad. It is very difficult to see their personality change. I don't have any easy answers other than to support your mom and let the doctor know what's happening.

jaycee2

Posted by @jaycee2, Sep 12, 2012

I'm sorry that anyone has to go through this, but unfortunately, it only gets worse. We had to deal with my Mother-in-law for 7 years and she became the most hateful person we've ever experienced in our entire lives. My husband can never forget some of the things she called him/said to him before she died (he was her favorite child). Your Mother needs help with him (whether he wants it or not). She will NOT be able to deal with him on her own. Your only other choice will be to put him in an assisted living facility, but unfortunately, he may become too disagreeable for them to deal with also. We had to eventually have my MIL put in an alzheimer's unit. She was kicked out of 2 assisted living facilities.

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