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Conversation tip. Use names, not pronouns.
I recently read some helpful advice for talking to people with dementia. Use a name, not a pronoun . If I say " Bob phoned. He’s coming to visit . He bought a new car. " my husband will ask "Who bought a car ? " He has already forgotten the beginning of the conversation ! I should repeat the name Bob each time, even though it sounds awkward to our ear.
I’ve also learned to identify the person I’m referring to. " Margaret, the lady who lives across the street , gave us these tomatoes."
Speak more slowly, in short sentences, repeat and clarify.
"We're going to see Dr. Taylor, the dermatologist. Dr. Taylor will check your skin. "
Our journey ,as caregivers , is faced with constant challenges……talking has become a big one for me.
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@4goakley
That quick forgetting is astounding.
My husband will ask a question, and before I've completed my (short) reply, he's started asking the same question again. It reminds me of 10 second guy in the movie 50 First Dates.
For self-preservation I sometimes write my answers out as well.
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7 ReactionsI have been present during a doctor's visit where the helpful and infinitely patient's handler repeated the same answer to the aged woman's repeated question innumerable times.....each minute! This went on for many minutes until I was called forward and left the room. So, in more advanced cases, it's a distinctly losing game for the carer. It's just a full day of repeating the same information most of us could retain indefinitely, but the patient with dementia will have lost everything before, '...to the doctor's to check your skin,' by the time you utter the quoted words.
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8 ReactionsKathy, I have been using that process of first mentioning something about a person, to help my husband recall who I’m referring to, before I actually get to what I really want to share. It takes time, and doesn’t always work. However, it makes me smile, or maybe a relief roll of my eyes, when it does, so a win, win for both of us.
I have also discovered that he has lost the memories, of all or part, of our many adventures and family events. So, when we’re sharing a quiet moment, I tell him, story style, about one such adventure or event. It’s normally something funny, or one of our many travel adventures…nothing negative and I avoid saying, “do you remember?” He enjoys the stories it makes me thankful for all the good years.
We have many photos, that I could show him, but photos can sometimes make me melancholy and sad.
Judy
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10 Reactions@judimahoney 50 First Dates....too funny. You made me chuckle. I'm writing the answers done and then forgetting where I put the sheet with the answers.
Burn out.
Best, Karla
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4 Reactions@kjc48
I have a 'drawer of signs' and pull out the appropriate one when needed (e.g., walk outdoors when it cools to 85 degrees).
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3 Reactions@kjc48 Karla…me too!
My brain is on overload, and I imagine yours too.
I can no longer hide things from my husband…think chocolate and keys…because they may be forever lost.🤪
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5 Reactions@judimahoney this is so funny! Are there any signs that make your spouse laugh?
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3 ReactionsI am definitely going to try this - thank you!!! One day, I said something that included "Barbara." My husband said "Barbara who?" He hadn't been diagnosed yet and I answered: "What do you mean Barbara who?" Finally I said "Barbara my sister." We don't know any other Barbaras. I'm going to be more conscientious going forward - thank you again!
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5 Reactions@jniel
s So you think your brain is on overload. Mine is congested too, to say the least. I went to the hair dresser today, the wrong day. Noone was there. Second time I've done that. Then drove back to the remodel house, but meant to drive back to the rental house. Then took a box to UPS, and left the box in the car.
so three strikes you are out. Now I'm drinking a Coke (which I never do) just to get caffeine, to shake something up, up there in my brain.
OMG. (and I just noticed in my earlier post, I can't spell! writing the answers done, meant down. My husband who I call aka Edward Scissorhands, his computer is now down! PS, I'm done!
Best, Karla
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9 Reactions@kjc48 🤗
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