Compliments to Caregivers

Posted by georgescraftjr @georgescraftjr, Feb 28 1:41pm

I want to personally compliment all you caregivers who inspire me.

One of the hardest things for a caregiver who's caring for someone with dementia could be the lack of affection or compliments from that person. Day in and day out, we give our best--or at least, do our best to give our all; sometimes, with little or no affection in return. Even worse, sometimes we're yelled at for no apparent reason, or wrongfully blamed for things. Or we hear hurtful accusations such as "You don't love me anymore."

We have to remind ourselves not to take things personally. And above all, we need to keep our sense of humor. (See attached cartoon in current issue of The New Yorker.)

I am thankful for all the "hugs" and compliments from folks who post on this forum. My heartfelt compliments to all of you, including people who visit but don't post on this forum.

George's Wife

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

callmegram | @callmegram | Mar 1 7:22am

So grateful for the wisdom on this forum and for all the caregivers who have paved the way along this unexpected journey. Thank you!!

boppi | @boppi | Mar 1 11:20am

I think you all deserve a Purple Heart❤️

pcetng0202 | @pcetng0202 | May 1 9:23am

George,
You summed up concisely in your second paragraph what I have experienced as my wife has sunk steadily into dementia. She now has a full eclipse of her short term memory, which inflicts continued surveillance and infinite patience if we are to avoid dysfunctionality. Though she mentions often the eclipse of her memory, she refuses, despite the objective evidence of professional testing and scans, to accept it as a natural by-product of reaching 87. I do not try to dispute this, since she suffers frequent bouts of self-disgust at her diminished capabilities.

At 88, having had a storybook marriage with a woman whose omnicompetence and sensibilities were so outstanding, as was her courage in the midst of several physical health crises, I am fortunate enough in my own health to perform, to the best of my ability, the caregiver role. I have been inspired by many contributions to this site from caregivers and the afflicted.

Yes my beloved wife has changed--I shall print out the cartoon confirming what I have come to feel, that the demented person becomes child-like. Will also print for future reference the poster Callmegram's little poster "Dementia Caregiver."

To be sure the going gets tough, is often not fully appreciated, but we learn to trim our expectations and to benefit from the experiences and wisdom of one another. I frequently invoke the famous Serenity Prayer. As well, the words of the old hymn, "I will share your joy and sorrow 'til we've seem this journey through." My most sung anthem is Leonard Cohen's
"Hallelujah."

Bless all those who are pursuing this good cause.

Tom G.