Caring for Mother: She doesn't trust my care. Suggestions?
<p>It’s only been about two months since my Mom fell and broke her shoulder. The problems started 4 days later when her hand and elbow became contracted and she became fearful of standing, walking, being pushed in a wheelchair, riding in the car, scared of the dark. She is scare of everything. All of a sudden she’s lonely, she wants me to sit in her room all night. She calls me all the time starting 30 minutes after I put her to bed. “Are you awake,” when she asks if I’m awake she doesn’t wand anything just wants to know. “What time is it,” she has a clock a inches away. “Is it morning?” “Can I get up” 2, 3, 4, 5, 6am “I’m thirsty, hungry, uncomfortable, adjust my pillow, open the window/door, I’m hot/cold. When I walk with her she screams out “SLOW DOWN, YOUR GOING TO FAST… we are stopped, not moving at all or “I’m falling” or “I’m going to fall.” It NEVER stops, NEVER. My Dad was paralyzed from the neck down and was more independent and he had total confidence in me. My Mom doesn’t trust me at all. She was independent prior to the fall and now she’s totally dependent on me for everything. Under the best of circumstances I seldom sleep. I’m often up for days. Good thing I guess. But I can’t keep this up. I don’t know how to get her to trust me. I don’t mind doing everything that needs doing, well cooking and cleaning isn’t at the top of the list but I keep us alive and the house hasn’t been condemned. So I suppose my question is, is she being reasonable?<br />Thanks,<br />Jake</p>
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You make some good points, @jaeterese I know in my wife's situation her neuro-oncologist told us often times a patient will lash out at family and their caregiver in particular since that is the only person they feel truly safe with, so they can show their real feelings and fears.
I like you idea of doing small things for our patient! Those are some good ideas! I would only caution that these may or may not work for everyone. In my wife's situation she could not tolerate the interference of any noise at all, such as music or tv. Likewise an change in her routine or 'favorite items' caused serious anxiety to set in. As my grandfather used to say 'to each his each'!
Plus you are right — it's the little things that count!
Strength, courage, and peace!
@jakedduck1 Why is it that crazy things always happen to good people? Especially those who are working hard and doing their best! Guess there’s no answer.
But, can you tell me more about Mt. Shasta? What about it makes it so special? I looked up a photo and it’s beautiful, just like ours in the Rocky Mountains.
Also, have you been able to make any appointments for you and your Mom?
I think all this bad luck comes my way because I eventually manage to handle it. Although there seems to be a lot of bellyaching along the way. My tire situation cost $1200.
Now she can’t stand. Very hard to transfer now.
Some good news though, I asked for occupational therapy for her arm, hand & wrist and it was denied twice but I persevered and heard yesterday we lost our first appeal but won our second appeal so she has appointment Monday afternoon. I will try and get her more physical therapy then. As it stands now I can’t get her in the car. We will probably have to take a wheelchair taxi. Her doctor is being a jerk. He ordered OT that was denied them refused to order it but the therapist got him to reorder it. I thought doctors were suppose to help patients. He won’t give me prescriptions for some equipment either. I’m willing to pay for it myself so I can’t understand his reasoning.
I’m off to dermatologist now. No more bad news I hope.
@jakedduck1 I’m so glad you got an appointment with OT! They can help with so much! Does your area have a transportation program for seniors? Look into that. Also, ask the OT if she recommends help with lifting and moving your mother. She can maybe make a professional recommendation to the doctor. Ask if a “Hoyer lift would be helpful. It’s a sling-type chair that helps lift a person from bed to chair and back again. Easy to use, safe, and saves your back. Let us know how the appointment goes, will you?
I already asked, doctor refused. I’ll just buy one if I can without prescription otherwise I’ll borrow one from Society for the handicapped. That’s where I donated all my dads equipment.
Hi @jakedduck1 From personal experience I would suggest you do a fair bit of homework before investing in a Hoyer lift. We finally had one through hospice that was quite solid and well built. However along the way we encountered several cheap, to me unsafe, rickety, varieties, which I truly believed were downright dangerous. A lift chair often can be of help at these times as well. We also found that an adjustable hospital bed was a huge help in helping to manage transfers.
Continued good luck with your insurance appeals as well! When I tallied up all my wife's bills, etc. over her years of being sick I found I had appealed on average three times on every one!
Keep up the good fight!
Well the good bad news continues, well maybe not but I was concerned about a spot on my arm but he said not to worry about it. He ended up freezing virtually the top of my head off and did some biopsies. Oh well, good news or bad I’m ready for it, lol. I took my Moms watch in to be fixed. The jeweler said nothing was wrong with it, he didn’t mention what he thought was wrong with me but I can imagine. How embarrassing.
A thought…local MDA Association folks may have equipment that can be borrowed, and any purchases might be deductible at tax time….
Thank you, I hadn’t thought of that.
@vicks That's A great idea! I know down in my area there is a private group that loans out all types of medical equipment at no charge or donation $$ only. My husband donated his knee scooter and a good pair of crutches to them.