Hi Group, This is my first connect. I have been caring for my husband since 2014. He was given a short life expectancy in 2015 and surpassed the date.
Physically he has his ups and downs and mentally, is where the greatest challenge for me lies. He has become very self absorbed, angry and bitter at the world for the most part. I have organised counselling on going since 2014 and he’s on anti depressants. I am his life coach at times, among the other carer duties. I find myself so drained, mentally and emotionally and that is what is taking its toll on me physically. Family are not nearby and when they come to visit, they stay the night causing more work for me. Although this morning , I stood up for myself and spoke my truth. His brother is coming to visit for a few nights. I said cook for yourselves and clean up after yourselves, now that you are feeling better, you can do that. He is on a new chemo, right off the trails and has energy for about 4 hours a day. He gets treatment once every 3 weeks, On the week he gets treatment, I spend a lot of energy caring for him, the following week he feels better and wants to go do things, which is great. Although, not with me. I can understand we need time apart, for sure. But it has developed into a cycle of Being a Carer only. To get him to do things around the house leads to an argument. I am grateful to have a counsellor from the Cancer Council but its the day to day living that is very difficult. His cancer flares up randomly, just when i start to apply for a part time job somewhere, something happens at home. I hope the medical community understands all the ramifications that come with living with cancer, with long term terminal illness. As a carer, I have never been more tired daily, in my life. I thought the first few weeks after childbirth were the most exhausted Ive ever been but this doesn’t compare. Its hard to find joy or any happiness with him. I look for it with my friends and family , when I do have contact. You see, we live in the country about 3 hours from a major city. The house is going up for sale, next week, (more work for me), so we can move back to the city and closer to his family. Thank you for giving me a place to say whats going on. Alexa