Borderline Personality Disorder, OCD, Major Depression and Anxiety

Posted by Meena @meena, Sep 9, 2011

I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder over ten years ago. Also struggling with OCD, Major Depression, and severe anxiety. I’ve taken DBT courses but can’t seem to use the coping mechanisms when I should.
Can anyone relate?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Mental Health group.

Hi, as we all know our brain will produce a chemical its own by thinking and by our actions. A few years back I learned my brain wasn’t producing a chemical to give me a feeling when I held my grandchildren. It also wasn’t there for my first three children. When my grandson was born I was asked to care for him while my daughter went to school. It was at this time I learned about my mental state and looking back on my childhood family pictures I wasn’t like beside them in the pictures. Now 45 years later and I Iearn about he first few years(a near drowning at age six erased my memory, so my mother is telling me this.) I was a passive child, she would put me on the floor and that is where I would stay. I had very little affection which was only shown towards the family pets. The drowning took that little bit of affection away.
So, when I Iearned about my brain not producing that chemical, I was very much sit back thinking I will never be able to enjoy my grandchildren. But, I made the decision that Dylan needed the attention, he needed to be given love and affection that in order to know it. I held him to put him to sleep and to feed him and to sing songs to him. While doing that I would think to myself how tiny his body is and how much he depended on me to help him live. I did this throughout the day, day after day I really wanted to feel something that I saw other people get when they held him. I wanted that feeling very much. It never came, by now his two years old and has a little sister.
Then one day when she was about ten months old she saw me and came crawling to me and I picked her up. This wonderful feeling ran through my arms and for the first time in my life I could feel something for my grandchildren, now when I give my children a hug something is there to go with it, a feeling.
Don’t believe a word when a doctor tells you to take meds. for something without first trying to think and do things different in your life to geet your brain to work. Many psycholgists over the years find what I can do today as unbelievable, I tell them would you like to talk wih my mother, my brothers, friends, relatives, my wife of 30 years, my children, a news paper clipping.
Throughout my life I have used an ability known as Austistic Savant, I have the ability to see images and relate to things without thinking. It is just something that happens on its own. *Try going through a day using only your creative skills by changing how you do something. When you understand all things around you even how people act, are things created. from somebody’s imagination. Show me something you think is done right and I will change it, to make it do something else or make it better and I’ll come back a year later and make another improvement on the same thing. I rarely do anything the same way twice.
Your brain can produce any chemical, it depends on what you think about and the things you do in your life and how bad do you want it. Your present mental state was created through many hours of one certain way of thinking on just certain things. People make the mistake of being able to sit and think about things and before long a feeling or attitude or even a mood is created and the none of the five senses was used to make it happen.
The difference between a child and an adult, a child uses their five senses to get a feeling from something, were an adult only has to think about it. Now go out and start exploring your five senses again, start doing things you normally walk away from, start using your imagination, wake up early to smell the air and listen to the birds singing in the morning, go for a walk in the rain.
People walk themselves into mental illnesses by changing the way they once thought when they were once a child. I live with ocd, bipolar, schids, ptsd, depression. I chose to challenge my efforts everyday, raither, then go to a doctor for help because I don’t feel like making an effort to change how I live. I chose to live and I leave the house to walk around the Mall where I can’t stand to be around people and I talk with people, and guess what I am feeling more at ease. Before long going to the Mall will not work anymore and I will look for another challenge to over-come. Be fearless, go into the world like a child learning to walk again. Be free.

REPLY
@savanti

Hi, as we all know our brain will produce a chemical its own by thinking and by our actions. A few years back I learned my brain wasn’t producing a chemical to give me a feeling when I held my grandchildren. It also wasn’t there for my first three children. When my grandson was born I was asked to care for him while my daughter went to school. It was at this time I learned about my mental state and looking back on my childhood family pictures I wasn’t like beside them in the pictures. Now 45 years later and I Iearn about he first few years(a near drowning at age six erased my memory, so my mother is telling me this.) I was a passive child, she would put me on the floor and that is where I would stay. I had very little affection which was only shown towards the family pets. The drowning took that little bit of affection away.
So, when I Iearned about my brain not producing that chemical, I was very much sit back thinking I will never be able to enjoy my grandchildren. But, I made the decision that Dylan needed the attention, he needed to be given love and affection that in order to know it. I held him to put him to sleep and to feed him and to sing songs to him. While doing that I would think to myself how tiny his body is and how much he depended on me to help him live. I did this throughout the day, day after day I really wanted to feel something that I saw other people get when they held him. I wanted that feeling very much. It never came, by now his two years old and has a little sister.
Then one day when she was about ten months old she saw me and came crawling to me and I picked her up. This wonderful feeling ran through my arms and for the first time in my life I could feel something for my grandchildren, now when I give my children a hug something is there to go with it, a feeling.
Don’t believe a word when a doctor tells you to take meds. for something without first trying to think and do things different in your life to geet your brain to work. Many psycholgists over the years find what I can do today as unbelievable, I tell them would you like to talk wih my mother, my brothers, friends, relatives, my wife of 30 years, my children, a news paper clipping.
Throughout my life I have used an ability known as Austistic Savant, I have the ability to see images and relate to things without thinking. It is just something that happens on its own. *Try going through a day using only your creative skills by changing how you do something. When you understand all things around you even how people act, are things created. from somebody’s imagination. Show me something you think is done right and I will change it, to make it do something else or make it better and I’ll come back a year later and make another improvement on the same thing. I rarely do anything the same way twice.
Your brain can produce any chemical, it depends on what you think about and the things you do in your life and how bad do you want it. Your present mental state was created through many hours of one certain way of thinking on just certain things. People make the mistake of being able to sit and think about things and before long a feeling or attitude or even a mood is created and the none of the five senses was used to make it happen.
The difference between a child and an adult, a child uses their five senses to get a feeling from something, were an adult only has to think about it. Now go out and start exploring your five senses again, start doing things you normally walk away from, start using your imagination, wake up early to smell the air and listen to the birds singing in the morning, go for a walk in the rain.
People walk themselves into mental illnesses by changing the way they once thought when they were once a child. I live with ocd, bipolar, schids, ptsd, depression. I chose to challenge my efforts everyday, raither, then go to a doctor for help because I don’t feel like making an effort to change how I live. I chose to live and I leave the house to walk around the Mall where I can’t stand to be around people and I talk with people, and guess what I am feeling more at ease. Before long going to the Mall will not work anymore and I will look for another challenge to over-come. Be fearless, go into the world like a child learning to walk again. Be free.

Jump to this post

I have a lot of anxiety problems and someone suggested I could possibly have BPD U would like to discuss this problem with other people Some days U’m ok other days I’m aggravated especially if things arewnt going my way I live with my daughter and 4 grand kids I love them all But I dont like my son in law He does things opposite of the way I do them I have offered to move But they need my finanacial help I stay in my room most of the time to avoid problems and popping off at him Its not the way I want to live out the rest of my life ANY suggestions? thank you

REPLY

Yes, I can certainly relate. I have the same plus bipolar. have been on every conceivable med and therapy, all being ineffective. I have tried so hard and it is sooooo difficult. I have lived with this for about 60 years (I am 72). Not sure how I've made it this far, as suicide is always on my doorstep. The only things that keep me going are my faith and my dog (God spelled backward). It is an extremely lonely life. I take prozac which helps to control crying, and loripazam for anxiety as needed. Keep trying, and be sure you have a very good therapist I have found the thing that works best for me is GROUP THERAPY. It provides a release of emotions and a camaraderie with others also suffering. Many blessings to you as you continue your journey. DON'T GIVE UP!

REPLY
@oprah

Yes, I can certainly relate. I have the same plus bipolar. have been on every conceivable med and therapy, all being ineffective. I have tried so hard and it is sooooo difficult. I have lived with this for about 60 years (I am 72). Not sure how I've made it this far, as suicide is always on my doorstep. The only things that keep me going are my faith and my dog (God spelled backward). It is an extremely lonely life. I take prozac which helps to control crying, and loripazam for anxiety as needed. Keep trying, and be sure you have a very good therapist I have found the thing that works best for me is GROUP THERAPY. It provides a release of emotions and a camaraderie with others also suffering. Many blessings to you as you continue your journey. DON'T GIVE UP!

Jump to this post

Hi, @oprah – that sounds like you've been really round the bend with many therapies and medications, all being ineffective. I can imagine that is sooo difficult, as you described. Sounds as though group therapy has been a bright spot.

In addition to bipolar, do you also have a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, @oprah?

REPLY

Yes, I have BDP along with
intermittent explosive disorder (IED), bipolar, ADD, and depression. I know that sounds like a lot. The IED is perhaps the worst. I was emotionally abused throughout my life until I went to college, but the damage was done. I have had a successful life though. I made it through college with a BS and MSA (taking some classes as many as 3 times), retiring as a US Army lieutenant colonel (100% disabled after 20 years). I truly believed God guided me to the Army, as I had no idea of anything military. Truly, I have been blessed to have had enough success to ensure a comfortable life with good medical care.

However, people are a totally different thing. I cannot get along with most folks for very long. I make friends easily and then the "other" me explodes. I have worked hard and with great tenacity. I guess I always knew I would have to support myself. It is very lonely now, especially since I can no longer travel or participate in team sports. My FAITH and sports were my life savers. They allowed me to be part of something greater than just me as an individual, took away total isolation, etc.

I am now putting an application together to donate my brain to the University of Miami brain donation research center. I would love to see the docs do the research and see what has been going in there on all these years. Hopefully it will help them to help people like us!

The best advise I can give is to get a therapist specializing in BPD, a neurologist, and to get involved in groups. FAITH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL!

This has been a most difficult journey. I wish anyone who is resistant to treatments the very best. DO NOT GIVE UP, continuously look for ways to diversify your daily activities.

All the best,
Jamie (my dogs' name was Oprah)

REPLY

I have clinical depression and anxiety. I'm 70 now. I have more trouble doing what would help me. I also have arthritis, fungal tornails, and IBS.

REPLY
@pjss48

I have clinical depression and anxiety. I'm 70 now. I have more trouble doing what would help me. I also have arthritis, fungal tornails, and IBS.

Jump to this post

Hello @pjss48

Sometimes it is hard to do what is best for us when we have depression.
Could you share with me some of the things that you think could help you? Are there activities that you used to enjoy?

REPLY

I watch tv, pay bills, try to replace negative thoughts with positive, Help my husband. Walk in good weather, play the piano

REPLY
@pjss48

I watch tv, pay bills, try to replace negative thoughts with positive, Help my husband. Walk in good weather, play the piano

Jump to this post

@pjss48 Playing music can be helpful. What kind of music do you enjoy playing? Keeping our thoughts positive is a retraining of the mind. I do oft find my thoughts running amuck. It is uncomfortable when they do so. Is your husband supportive in keeping your thought positive?

REPLY
@oprah

Yes, I have BDP along with
intermittent explosive disorder (IED), bipolar, ADD, and depression. I know that sounds like a lot. The IED is perhaps the worst. I was emotionally abused throughout my life until I went to college, but the damage was done. I have had a successful life though. I made it through college with a BS and MSA (taking some classes as many as 3 times), retiring as a US Army lieutenant colonel (100% disabled after 20 years). I truly believed God guided me to the Army, as I had no idea of anything military. Truly, I have been blessed to have had enough success to ensure a comfortable life with good medical care.

However, people are a totally different thing. I cannot get along with most folks for very long. I make friends easily and then the "other" me explodes. I have worked hard and with great tenacity. I guess I always knew I would have to support myself. It is very lonely now, especially since I can no longer travel or participate in team sports. My FAITH and sports were my life savers. They allowed me to be part of something greater than just me as an individual, took away total isolation, etc.

I am now putting an application together to donate my brain to the University of Miami brain donation research center. I would love to see the docs do the research and see what has been going in there on all these years. Hopefully it will help them to help people like us!

The best advise I can give is to get a therapist specializing in BPD, a neurologist, and to get involved in groups. FAITH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL!

This has been a most difficult journey. I wish anyone who is resistant to treatments the very best. DO NOT GIVE UP, continuously look for ways to diversify your daily activities.

All the best,
Jamie (my dogs' name was Oprah)

Jump to this post

@oprah – that is neat you picked a username after your pet. You mentioned that with your diagnoses of BDP along with
intermittent explosive disorder (IED), bipolar, ADD, and depression that getting involved with groups has been important. Are you speaking of therapy groups, or another kind of group?

REPLY
@oprah

Yes, I have BDP along with
intermittent explosive disorder (IED), bipolar, ADD, and depression. I know that sounds like a lot. The IED is perhaps the worst. I was emotionally abused throughout my life until I went to college, but the damage was done. I have had a successful life though. I made it through college with a BS and MSA (taking some classes as many as 3 times), retiring as a US Army lieutenant colonel (100% disabled after 20 years). I truly believed God guided me to the Army, as I had no idea of anything military. Truly, I have been blessed to have had enough success to ensure a comfortable life with good medical care.

However, people are a totally different thing. I cannot get along with most folks for very long. I make friends easily and then the "other" me explodes. I have worked hard and with great tenacity. I guess I always knew I would have to support myself. It is very lonely now, especially since I can no longer travel or participate in team sports. My FAITH and sports were my life savers. They allowed me to be part of something greater than just me as an individual, took away total isolation, etc.

I am now putting an application together to donate my brain to the University of Miami brain donation research center. I would love to see the docs do the research and see what has been going in there on all these years. Hopefully it will help them to help people like us!

The best advise I can give is to get a therapist specializing in BPD, a neurologist, and to get involved in groups. FAITH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL!

This has been a most difficult journey. I wish anyone who is resistant to treatments the very best. DO NOT GIVE UP, continuously look for ways to diversify your daily activities.

All the best,
Jamie (my dogs' name was Oprah)

Jump to this post

With ADHD and bi=polar, I socially function best in structured activities, ie, book clubs, church service, social dinner. When it's socially open ended, I get confused. Also, I do best when I can add some movement to social gatherings, ie, a social dinner, I'll volunteer to help with clean up, serving etc. Something to focus on in movement. We just need to learn how to function and follow our inner wisdom. And of course, a spiritual practice helps! Yes, our darker edges can really jump in and cause problems, when I see it coming, I hope I remember to say, "thank you for sharing". And, "your not driving, the sane me is at the wheel.."

REPLY

Cognitive behavioral therapy?

REPLY
Please sign in or register to post a reply.
  Request Appointment