I mentioned this in a post I answered earlier this morning, but it’s way down the list, so I wanted some input from you all. I’ve been seeing my therapist for 12 years and a Psychiatrist for about as long. I won’t go into detail, but I was an only child in a very sick, alcoholic family …. all of them way back the maternal side. Life was not fun …. I lived in total terror because I knew my mother was going to “pack my suitcase and put it on the porch when I came home from school and I should just get the h___ out.” In my 7 year old mind, I knew she meant it. I spent the weekends at bars …. those old beer smelling, foul languaged, joints they had years ago, and I hated it. Abuse ….. physical, sexual, emotional (you rotten little SOB), mental … I lived 100% of the time in total fear, often hiding under my bed. I had no friends as I rarely took a bath or brushed my teeth. My therapist is convinced, even though he has not interviewed my mother since she died at age 60 from liver failure, that she was Bipolar I ….. and now here I am Bipolar II.
For me it’s heavily on the depressed part of the line …. I rarely wake up feeling good, alive, and ready for the day.. The “up” part for me is not the manic state often thought of in Bipolar I, but it’s more a very high state of anxiety.. The meds. I take help that so it’s bearable to get through another day.
I am glad to have found you all ….. I have no friends down here, go nowhere and have no “oomph” to do so …. and sadly, my kids totally avoid anything even edging on anything about mental health …. no matter where it comes from. So here I am 3-4 hours from where I lived up til a year ago and loved, in a place I don’t like, and feeling worse than ever.
Another pity party, I know, and I’m so sorry ….. I just don’t think some days it’s worth the energy. Thank you so much for listening … it helps.
Liked by Colleen Young, Connect Director