Share this:
rose67
@rose67

Posts: 1
Joined: Nov 06, 2016

Been treated for major depressive disorder for most of my life.

Posted by @rose67, Nov 6, 2016

Most of my life has been a struggle. Always having to push myself to do things. Ive been on every med for depression. Some helped with the sadness but nothing has ever helped in other ways, ie constant fatigue, low self esteem, no drive, i have to push myself to do basic things but lately can’t even really do that. I start things occasionally but never finish. Finally on my last visit with my psychiatrist he told me that he thinks the one thing that would help is taking adderal. He said that he can’t prescribe it to me because he is at the limit for prescribing this medication. He told me to find another dr to prescribe it. To tell the dr yhat he believes this will finally give me some relief. I am so desperate because i feel i am alive but do not have the strength to actually live. This is my only option now. I live in Philadelphia Pa and need to find a dr asap because i cannot go on like this any longer. I have a job but have been unable to go for 3 weeks now. Is there anyone who can recommend a dr where i live? Please help….. i am
osing hope….

REPLY

Rose, havent heard from you since you started this discussion, are you doing well?

@danybegood1 Hi, I want to welcome you to connect. I am so extremely sorry for what you have been through and, especially, that after 30 years of marriage you now find yourself divorced. I can only image your pain of having gone through so much when you were younger and finally feeling like you found someone to love you and feeling betrayed once again. Also, have you ever told anyone close to you that you are an incest survivor? With the right person, it can be empowering just to state it out loud. I tell you this because I am an incest survivor. My father sexually abused me and my three older sisters. The abuse started around ages 10-11 and went on for years. I totally understand your lack of trust of men. To top it off, my maternal grandmother was married to an alcoholic and my paternal grandmother was married to a compulsive gambler and womanizer. Fortunately for me, there was ONE man in my life growing up who I could respect and love. My mother’s brother – my uncle. He was a pediatrician. My mom also has a sister. My dad had no siblings (probably good). My father was not only sexually abusive, he was physically abusive as well. He broke my nose during one of his wild lashing out moments and once threw me down the steps, which broke my ankle. He would whip us with his belt until our butt cheeks bled. Oddly enough, he never beat my mother (and he was not an alcoholic – he was bi-polar). My mother did not leave him until he started having an affair. She did not know about the sexual abuse. The physical abuse just seemed normal to her as she had an alcoholic father who beat them. We all lied about any broken bones and the sexual abuse. Good grief, my beloved uncle was a pediatrician and he didn’t know! Also, none of us knew about the others. My dad was very good at threats. It was when my mom was trying to save her marriage that the third sister spoke up and told mom about the sexual abuse that was happening to her (she didn’t want my mom staying with my dad for “our” sake). Then my mom reached out to each one of us and asked the dreaded question. I was 13. The abuse had been going on for three years with me. My two elder sisters were away at college. The abuse lasted with them until they were 17 and had left the house (we all graduated from high school in 3 years). The sister who told was 15. At any rate, mom did divorce him. Now get this, (even though it states in the divorce decree that he sexually molested all four girls (and my eldest sister testified), the judge allowed him visitation rights with me and my third sister – provided we were together! That still makes me mad when I think about it. Well, six years later, my mom remarried my dad. He became a “new born” Christian and had “changed” and was taking medication. Talk about a difficult situation – I dearly love my mom but was so angry that she took him back. How did things resolve with your mom and dad? Does anyone in your family know what your father did? Do you have siblings? Were they abused? I am so sorry. I am rambling. What I mean to relate more than anything, is that I have gone through counseling on and off for years – and it has helped. I also rely heavily on my faith. I know God has been with me through awful times and that He loves me unconditionally. I, too, have struggled with depression all of my life. It wasn’t until the reliable antidepressants came along when I was in my late 30’s that things were not such a struggle for me any longer. I also developed fibromyalgia in those years, rheumatoid arthritis in my early 40’s along with Sojourn’s syndrome. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with spinal stenosis and three bulging discs. I take a bunch of different medications along with the antidepressant now! I have three kids who I deeply love and four grand kids who are my pride and joy. I am on my third marriage and think I got it right this time. My first husband was physically abusive (sadly, no surprise there according to the literature). He actually tried to kill me – put a loaded gun up to my head – when I asked for a divorce. I literally had to make plans to flee the house before I could serve him with a restraining order and divorce papers. My second husband was a decent father, but he had an affair so I kicked him to the curb. My third husband is a fantastic grandpa and has four kids of his own. As I said, I think I finally got it right. But if I didn’t, that’s okay. I treasure the good times we have had thus far. One thing I learned in my single years is that I do NOT have to have a man to be happy. I realized if I can’t enjoy my own company, who else can? I love myself now! That was a very important step for me. I have also always had pets (dogs mostly) and have three dogs now together with a Russian Tortoise. Pets are good company and gives you something else to think about.

Again, I have rambled! In closing, I would like to urge you to see a therapist who specializes or has some experience with incest survivors. There can be very different issues from that of non-family molestation survivors. I urge you to come to peace with yourself and, if you believe, with God. Or the universe or whatever you believe. It sounds as if you have shoved all of this into your “gut” and I do understand. It is like a festering wound that you have covered with a bandage and you make up something about what the wound truly is to others, and even yourself. But to let that wound heal once and for all, you need to clean it out and take off that bandage. Now, there will always be a scar. That’s just the way it is. But it doesn’t have to hurt and fester. You can see it occasionally and it will just be a scar. It won’t bother you so much any longer. Also, getting your mental health better will also make you feel better physically. I know you have a lot going on with your health. Please take care of yourself. Ask one of your kids for a ride to the doctor or therapist if you need to do so. Or perhaps a friend? Do you have a few best friends? Good girlfriends can be such a gift!! Also, I check my e-mail at least once day, so if you want to “talk” or share, I am here for you. I am proof you can be okay again – as are my three sisters. They all have professional degrees, are married and have kids and grand kids (they also have been to counseling throughout the years). You do not have to let your past define you. YOU are a survivor. You are worthy of love – especially from yourself.

Hi Sandytoes. I like your moniker. At the time of my stent my right coronary artery was99% blocked. They did that one and had to leave one undone because it was so small and had a shar p angle jn it. It was 90% blocked so i will have some angina which they gave me medicine for. As a matter of fact, i just started doing a little vacuuming and had to come back and sit down. The thing is i also have reflux disease pretty bad and i can’t tell the difference between that pain and a heart attack.

Thank you so much for caring. There is no one i can talk to about any of this. My kids love me but i swear i can see their eyes glaze over when i start talking. And i didn’t think i needed any friends so i dont have any. Boy was i wrong. If i want to.talk to someone do i have to put the @sign in fro t of their name?

Ever faithful, Danyb

@danybegood1

Im not sure im doing this right but ill give it a try. Ive been depressed off and on for a good deal of my life. To start i was molested by my father at least twice that i know of starting at age 7. Theres just too much to say, suffice it to say i dont trust anyone especially men. And the Govt. big time. LOL. Ive been married twice and divorced twice. I have 2 great kids from my first husband, who had an affair with my brother’s wife.
It was just us three for.about 2 years and then i met someone else, at a PWP meeting. It should have stayed us 3 for a lot longer. We were together for 30 years and my heart is broken. We have been apart nw for 3 years and it feels like 30. I had a heart attack last September and it feels like it just finally cracked. Im not following my heart diet and haven’t been to cardiac rehab, for money and transportation reasons. I feel like a timebomb about to explode, waiting for the next and final one. In the meantime i get to put up with, diabetes, gastroparesis, hypothyroidism, HBP, diabetic neuropathy, lichen sclerosis. I know its a litany of complaints and i should count my blessings. I do, but im so lonely knowing i will never feel loved again or wanted. Thats enough.

Jump to this post

Hi Colleen, thank you for the information. Yes i will do that.

I thought that dog.had the funniest look on his face. I cant find my picture on my kindle so i thought i would use his instead.

Im a dog lover. Any kind of dog.

Ever faithful, Danyb

@danybegood1

Hi Sandytoes. I like your moniker. At the time of my stent my right coronary artery was99% blocked. They did that one and had to leave one undone because it was so small and had a shar p angle jn it. It was 90% blocked so i will have some angina which they gave me medicine for. As a matter of fact, i just started doing a little vacuuming and had to come back and sit down. The thing is i also have reflux disease pretty bad and i can’t tell the difference between that pain and a heart attack.

Thank you so much for caring. There is no one i can talk to about any of this. My kids love me but i swear i can see their eyes glaze over when i start talking. And i didn’t think i needed any friends so i dont have any. Boy was i wrong. If i want to.talk to someone do i have to put the @sign in fro t of their name?

Ever faithful, Danyb

Jump to this post

@danybegood1 I do care! And I know you will see and feel the caring community we have here. I have reflux too and take Nexium for it. We do need friends and I bet you will make some. As far as putting the @ sign before our name…it does two things. It tags the person you are talking to and clarifies to whom you are replying. I get emails when tagged and if you look at the little bell up at the top of the page you will see notifications when you sign into Connect.
Something I had not shared before with Connect friends is that I was molested by two different men beginning at the age of 5 and finally ending at 13. I will share more on this later. We are all in this together

@danybegood1

Hi Sandytoes. I like your moniker. At the time of my stent my right coronary artery was99% blocked. They did that one and had to leave one undone because it was so small and had a shar p angle jn it. It was 90% blocked so i will have some angina which they gave me medicine for. As a matter of fact, i just started doing a little vacuuming and had to come back and sit down. The thing is i also have reflux disease pretty bad and i can’t tell the difference between that pain and a heart attack.

Thank you so much for caring. There is no one i can talk to about any of this. My kids love me but i swear i can see their eyes glaze over when i start talking. And i didn’t think i needed any friends so i dont have any. Boy was i wrong. If i want to.talk to someone do i have to put the @sign in fro t of their name?

Ever faithful, Danyb

Jump to this post

@sandytoes, you know what i found out when i first started my therapy? One in three women have been molested in this country. Iam so sorry that happened to you. It seems to be so easy to harass, bother, and generally just beat up on women. I know we are not the weaker sex because if a man had to give birth? Can you imagine?

I wish i had followed through with my college plans to become a police officer , but i was even more scared then. But i did like my law classes.. i did very well in my classes except for self defense. I didnt want to be touched.l

It probably sounds weird but i like books and movies about true crime because i like to try and figure out who did the deed and why. Also like science fiction.

I look forward to hearing/talking again to you again soon.

Danyb

@danybegood1

Hi Sandytoes. I like your moniker. At the time of my stent my right coronary artery was99% blocked. They did that one and had to leave one undone because it was so small and had a shar p angle jn it. It was 90% blocked so i will have some angina which they gave me medicine for. As a matter of fact, i just started doing a little vacuuming and had to come back and sit down. The thing is i also have reflux disease pretty bad and i can’t tell the difference between that pain and a heart attack.

Thank you so much for caring. There is no one i can talk to about any of this. My kids love me but i swear i can see their eyes glaze over when i start talking. And i didn’t think i needed any friends so i dont have any. Boy was i wrong. If i want to.talk to someone do i have to put the @sign in fro t of their name?

Ever faithful, Danyb

Jump to this post

PS: @danybegood1 please be sure to add 14 after @sandytoes14‘s name. Your messages are going to the wrong Sandytoes. We have another member called Sandytoes without the 14.
Thanks
Colleen

@danybegood1

Hi Sandytoes. I like your moniker. At the time of my stent my right coronary artery was99% blocked. They did that one and had to leave one undone because it was so small and had a shar p angle jn it. It was 90% blocked so i will have some angina which they gave me medicine for. As a matter of fact, i just started doing a little vacuuming and had to come back and sit down. The thing is i also have reflux disease pretty bad and i can’t tell the difference between that pain and a heart attack.

Thank you so much for caring. There is no one i can talk to about any of this. My kids love me but i swear i can see their eyes glaze over when i start talking. And i didn’t think i needed any friends so i dont have any. Boy was i wrong. If i want to.talk to someone do i have to put the @sign in fro t of their name?

Ever faithful, Danyb

Jump to this post

@sandytoes14 Oh no, how did you find out? Did she forward my email to you? Ok now j know.

Speak at ya later.

Danyb

@danybegood1

Hi Sandytoes. I like your moniker. At the time of my stent my right coronary artery was99% blocked. They did that one and had to leave one undone because it was so small and had a shar p angle jn it. It was 90% blocked so i will have some angina which they gave me medicine for. As a matter of fact, i just started doing a little vacuuming and had to come back and sit down. The thing is i also have reflux disease pretty bad and i can’t tell the difference between that pain and a heart attack.

Thank you so much for caring. There is no one i can talk to about any of this. My kids love me but i swear i can see their eyes glaze over when i start talking. And i didn’t think i needed any friends so i dont have any. Boy was i wrong. If i want to.talk to someone do i have to put the @sign in fro t of their name?

Ever faithful, Danyb

Jump to this post

@danybegood1, @sandytoes14 1 in 3! That’s astounding! It would be interesting to read the results of the study. That’s so sad and disheartening. One of the problems is that it’s passed on from generation to generation. Obviously, we need much more support for abuse victims/survivors. I think there’s no one single simple solution for changing the perverse nature of the perpetrators, mostly male, of these crimes. Back in the 60s there was a song by the Mama and Papas called “What the world needs now is love, sweet love”. Being a follower of Christ, my belief is that He is the only solution to the immoral mess our country is in – and, of course, not only our country. There are countless programs aimed at preventing abuse, but they don’t seem to be very effective, do they. But all of this points out the need for loving support for women and men who have sufferred atrocities at the hands of people who should know better. I’m so sorry that you have these things in your past. Trouble with things in our past is that it affects our present.

Jim

@sandytoes14 and @danybegood1 I am currently reading a very good book on the subject of childhood sexual abuse and it’s consequences in adult life, The title is The Trauma Myth, by Susan Clancy. It takes a little different perspective, but very good. I’ve heard that many women find some relief from shame and guilt after reading it. Might be worth looking at. Wishing you the best in your healing journey! Teresa

@hopeful33250

@sandytoes14 and @danybegood1 I am currently reading a very good book on the subject of childhood sexual abuse and it’s consequences in adult life, The title is The Trauma Myth, by Susan Clancy. It takes a little different perspective, but very good. I’ve heard that many women find some relief from shame and guilt after reading it. Might be worth looking at. Wishing you the best in your healing journey! Teresa

Jump to this post

@hopeful33250 Thank you Teresa. I do have times when I am angry even with extensive counseling. I’ll look into the book.

@danybegood1

Hi Sandytoes. I like your moniker. At the time of my stent my right coronary artery was99% blocked. They did that one and had to leave one undone because it was so small and had a shar p angle jn it. It was 90% blocked so i will have some angina which they gave me medicine for. As a matter of fact, i just started doing a little vacuuming and had to come back and sit down. The thing is i also have reflux disease pretty bad and i can’t tell the difference between that pain and a heart attack.

Thank you so much for caring. There is no one i can talk to about any of this. My kids love me but i swear i can see their eyes glaze over when i start talking. And i didn’t think i needed any friends so i dont have any. Boy was i wrong. If i want to.talk to someone do i have to put the @sign in fro t of their name?

Ever faithful, Danyb

Jump to this post

@jimhd Thank you so much. Sexual abuse if finally being talked about and acted upon. Back when it happened to me, it was swept under the rug so to speak.

@blindeyepug

@danybegood1 Hi, I want to welcome you to connect. I am so extremely sorry for what you have been through and, especially, that after 30 years of marriage you now find yourself divorced. I can only image your pain of having gone through so much when you were younger and finally feeling like you found someone to love you and feeling betrayed once again. Also, have you ever told anyone close to you that you are an incest survivor? With the right person, it can be empowering just to state it out loud. I tell you this because I am an incest survivor. My father sexually abused me and my three older sisters. The abuse started around ages 10-11 and went on for years. I totally understand your lack of trust of men. To top it off, my maternal grandmother was married to an alcoholic and my paternal grandmother was married to a compulsive gambler and womanizer. Fortunately for me, there was ONE man in my life growing up who I could respect and love. My mother’s brother – my uncle. He was a pediatrician. My mom also has a sister. My dad had no siblings (probably good). My father was not only sexually abusive, he was physically abusive as well. He broke my nose during one of his wild lashing out moments and once threw me down the steps, which broke my ankle. He would whip us with his belt until our butt cheeks bled. Oddly enough, he never beat my mother (and he was not an alcoholic – he was bi-polar). My mother did not leave him until he started having an affair. She did not know about the sexual abuse. The physical abuse just seemed normal to her as she had an alcoholic father who beat them. We all lied about any broken bones and the sexual abuse. Good grief, my beloved uncle was a pediatrician and he didn’t know! Also, none of us knew about the others. My dad was very good at threats. It was when my mom was trying to save her marriage that the third sister spoke up and told mom about the sexual abuse that was happening to her (she didn’t want my mom staying with my dad for “our” sake). Then my mom reached out to each one of us and asked the dreaded question. I was 13. The abuse had been going on for three years with me. My two elder sisters were away at college. The abuse lasted with them until they were 17 and had left the house (we all graduated from high school in 3 years). The sister who told was 15. At any rate, mom did divorce him. Now get this, (even though it states in the divorce decree that he sexually molested all four girls (and my eldest sister testified), the judge allowed him visitation rights with me and my third sister – provided we were together! That still makes me mad when I think about it. Well, six years later, my mom remarried my dad. He became a “new born” Christian and had “changed” and was taking medication. Talk about a difficult situation – I dearly love my mom but was so angry that she took him back. How did things resolve with your mom and dad? Does anyone in your family know what your father did? Do you have siblings? Were they abused? I am so sorry. I am rambling. What I mean to relate more than anything, is that I have gone through counseling on and off for years – and it has helped. I also rely heavily on my faith. I know God has been with me through awful times and that He loves me unconditionally. I, too, have struggled with depression all of my life. It wasn’t until the reliable antidepressants came along when I was in my late 30’s that things were not such a struggle for me any longer. I also developed fibromyalgia in those years, rheumatoid arthritis in my early 40’s along with Sojourn’s syndrome. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with spinal stenosis and three bulging discs. I take a bunch of different medications along with the antidepressant now! I have three kids who I deeply love and four grand kids who are my pride and joy. I am on my third marriage and think I got it right this time. My first husband was physically abusive (sadly, no surprise there according to the literature). He actually tried to kill me – put a loaded gun up to my head – when I asked for a divorce. I literally had to make plans to flee the house before I could serve him with a restraining order and divorce papers. My second husband was a decent father, but he had an affair so I kicked him to the curb. My third husband is a fantastic grandpa and has four kids of his own. As I said, I think I finally got it right. But if I didn’t, that’s okay. I treasure the good times we have had thus far. One thing I learned in my single years is that I do NOT have to have a man to be happy. I realized if I can’t enjoy my own company, who else can? I love myself now! That was a very important step for me. I have also always had pets (dogs mostly) and have three dogs now together with a Russian Tortoise. Pets are good company and gives you something else to think about.

Again, I have rambled! In closing, I would like to urge you to see a therapist who specializes or has some experience with incest survivors. There can be very different issues from that of non-family molestation survivors. I urge you to come to peace with yourself and, if you believe, with God. Or the universe or whatever you believe. It sounds as if you have shoved all of this into your “gut” and I do understand. It is like a festering wound that you have covered with a bandage and you make up something about what the wound truly is to others, and even yourself. But to let that wound heal once and for all, you need to clean it out and take off that bandage. Now, there will always be a scar. That’s just the way it is. But it doesn’t have to hurt and fester. You can see it occasionally and it will just be a scar. It won’t bother you so much any longer. Also, getting your mental health better will also make you feel better physically. I know you have a lot going on with your health. Please take care of yourself. Ask one of your kids for a ride to the doctor or therapist if you need to do so. Or perhaps a friend? Do you have a few best friends? Good girlfriends can be such a gift!! Also, I check my e-mail at least once day, so if you want to “talk” or share, I am here for you. I am proof you can be okay again – as are my three sisters. They all have professional degrees, are married and have kids and grand kids (they also have been to counseling throughout the years). You do not have to let your past define you. YOU are a survivor. You are worthy of love – especially from yourself.

Jump to this post

@blindeyepug First, let me say that YOU too are a survivor. I’m sorry for what you have gone through. Second,I know that I have tagged you a few times to join a conversation. I want to say thank you for always rising to the occasion and offering your support and kind words to our fellow members. Folks like you help make Connect a safe place to share.
Jen

@hopeful33250

@sandytoes14 and @danybegood1 I am currently reading a very good book on the subject of childhood sexual abuse and it’s consequences in adult life, The title is The Trauma Myth, by Susan Clancy. It takes a little different perspective, but very good. I’ve heard that many women find some relief from shame and guilt after reading it. Might be worth looking at. Wishing you the best in your healing journey! Teresa

Jump to this post

@hopeful33250, @sandytoes14, @colleenyoung, i hope i haven’t left anyone out. I too have the book on order through Amazon They only ha e 1 left. And ill have to wait for a bank infusion to get it. (oh, i just love online shopping/retail therapy)
Plus its hard for me to get out yet. When my son takes me shopping, he usually just waits in the car. But when he comes in with me he leans from one foot to the next. Poor guy thats why they’re no fun to go shopping with. But he is the best man ive ever known. He’s kind, sweet, thoughtful, loves animals and he takes care of us. Which i know he did not sign up for when he was born. This is turning into a spot for my kids. My little girl is now a grown up girl. Shes very kind also, sweet and pretty. I have the best kids in the whole world. And my little girl is also one of three. I told her since she was able to understand that her body belonged only to her and it wasnt meant for sharing. If anyone ever bothered her she should come right to me. Well she did and thats another story. Neither one of them deserved the lives they have now. But we are together, my little family. With Harley, my little Shi Tzu, and Buffy. The feline of the family.

@blindeyepug

@danybegood1 Hi, I want to welcome you to connect. I am so extremely sorry for what you have been through and, especially, that after 30 years of marriage you now find yourself divorced. I can only image your pain of having gone through so much when you were younger and finally feeling like you found someone to love you and feeling betrayed once again. Also, have you ever told anyone close to you that you are an incest survivor? With the right person, it can be empowering just to state it out loud. I tell you this because I am an incest survivor. My father sexually abused me and my three older sisters. The abuse started around ages 10-11 and went on for years. I totally understand your lack of trust of men. To top it off, my maternal grandmother was married to an alcoholic and my paternal grandmother was married to a compulsive gambler and womanizer. Fortunately for me, there was ONE man in my life growing up who I could respect and love. My mother’s brother – my uncle. He was a pediatrician. My mom also has a sister. My dad had no siblings (probably good). My father was not only sexually abusive, he was physically abusive as well. He broke my nose during one of his wild lashing out moments and once threw me down the steps, which broke my ankle. He would whip us with his belt until our butt cheeks bled. Oddly enough, he never beat my mother (and he was not an alcoholic – he was bi-polar). My mother did not leave him until he started having an affair. She did not know about the sexual abuse. The physical abuse just seemed normal to her as she had an alcoholic father who beat them. We all lied about any broken bones and the sexual abuse. Good grief, my beloved uncle was a pediatrician and he didn’t know! Also, none of us knew about the others. My dad was very good at threats. It was when my mom was trying to save her marriage that the third sister spoke up and told mom about the sexual abuse that was happening to her (she didn’t want my mom staying with my dad for “our” sake). Then my mom reached out to each one of us and asked the dreaded question. I was 13. The abuse had been going on for three years with me. My two elder sisters were away at college. The abuse lasted with them until they were 17 and had left the house (we all graduated from high school in 3 years). The sister who told was 15. At any rate, mom did divorce him. Now get this, (even though it states in the divorce decree that he sexually molested all four girls (and my eldest sister testified), the judge allowed him visitation rights with me and my third sister – provided we were together! That still makes me mad when I think about it. Well, six years later, my mom remarried my dad. He became a “new born” Christian and had “changed” and was taking medication. Talk about a difficult situation – I dearly love my mom but was so angry that she took him back. How did things resolve with your mom and dad? Does anyone in your family know what your father did? Do you have siblings? Were they abused? I am so sorry. I am rambling. What I mean to relate more than anything, is that I have gone through counseling on and off for years – and it has helped. I also rely heavily on my faith. I know God has been with me through awful times and that He loves me unconditionally. I, too, have struggled with depression all of my life. It wasn’t until the reliable antidepressants came along when I was in my late 30’s that things were not such a struggle for me any longer. I also developed fibromyalgia in those years, rheumatoid arthritis in my early 40’s along with Sojourn’s syndrome. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with spinal stenosis and three bulging discs. I take a bunch of different medications along with the antidepressant now! I have three kids who I deeply love and four grand kids who are my pride and joy. I am on my third marriage and think I got it right this time. My first husband was physically abusive (sadly, no surprise there according to the literature). He actually tried to kill me – put a loaded gun up to my head – when I asked for a divorce. I literally had to make plans to flee the house before I could serve him with a restraining order and divorce papers. My second husband was a decent father, but he had an affair so I kicked him to the curb. My third husband is a fantastic grandpa and has four kids of his own. As I said, I think I finally got it right. But if I didn’t, that’s okay. I treasure the good times we have had thus far. One thing I learned in my single years is that I do NOT have to have a man to be happy. I realized if I can’t enjoy my own company, who else can? I love myself now! That was a very important step for me. I have also always had pets (dogs mostly) and have three dogs now together with a Russian Tortoise. Pets are good company and gives you something else to think about.

Again, I have rambled! In closing, I would like to urge you to see a therapist who specializes or has some experience with incest survivors. There can be very different issues from that of non-family molestation survivors. I urge you to come to peace with yourself and, if you believe, with God. Or the universe or whatever you believe. It sounds as if you have shoved all of this into your “gut” and I do understand. It is like a festering wound that you have covered with a bandage and you make up something about what the wound truly is to others, and even yourself. But to let that wound heal once and for all, you need to clean it out and take off that bandage. Now, there will always be a scar. That’s just the way it is. But it doesn’t have to hurt and fester. You can see it occasionally and it will just be a scar. It won’t bother you so much any longer. Also, getting your mental health better will also make you feel better physically. I know you have a lot going on with your health. Please take care of yourself. Ask one of your kids for a ride to the doctor or therapist if you need to do so. Or perhaps a friend? Do you have a few best friends? Good girlfriends can be such a gift!! Also, I check my e-mail at least once day, so if you want to “talk” or share, I am here for you. I am proof you can be okay again – as are my three sisters. They all have professional degrees, are married and have kids and grand kids (they also have been to counseling throughout the years). You do not have to let your past define you. YOU are a survivor. You are worthy of love – especially from yourself.

Jump to this post

@sandytoes14 Thank you for your kind words. I think these forums are very good for helping lots of people. I appreciate that they are here for all to access for their different struggles. It is always good to know one is not alone and to learn different methods of coping. Thanks again.

Please login or register to post a reply.